From a Dumb, Fat Football to a Mature (ing) Mangalorean Teen

Feb 6, 2010

When I came to this city all I remember is how much I had hated this place for its greens and lack of concrete. No kitkats, twix, bounty or snickers! Life was going to be hard I thought and damn right was.

My grandpa definitely never had me rather my huge stature in mind when he developed his fields of coconuts, rubber and other creepy stuff. Were his workers from a famine-ridden land? Columns of trees closely placed next to one another. I remember I could never walk in between them without getting stuck! I am darn sure I was the reason behind many fallen coconuts, I recall my grandpa saying “surprisingly, coconut collection has increased a lot this year”.

I don’t know how white I really was back then. But this fairness definitely caught the wrong chubby-aunts’- hands attention. I would be admired of my fairness and painfully pinched for I turned pink (what else is a white skin suppose to turn into?) and that was ‘shooooo cute’. Yeah, only if i could shooo cute the living hell out of them.

Ahh, new school! ... er.. entrance test? Building donation?

A huge barren land lay beneath a massive building. On further exploration I realised that my dad’s hard earned money was being pumped into pointless construction projects. Architecture being nomadic, the ugly colour combination of the building was surprisingly matching! Admission was smoothened with bundles of red-faced Gandhijis despite the nerd that I am when it comes to tests.

Blue chaddis you say?

Never in my life did I ever wear a chaddi (shorts) to school. What is it with these skinny little kids and chaddis? Why are they so proud about it? How do they hit on the opposite sex when she is graceful with her beautiful skirt and you well, just out of the circus?

I wasn’t going to wear chaddi to school and that was final. Since there were only 2 months towards end of year examinations and the next academic year would mean wearing pants (shorts were to be worn up-to a certain grade), the principal considered my special request (I think my humungous weight convinced her to do so. Would you like a white thunder thigh flab around your malnutritioned kid? ) and lo! The only boy wearing pants amid the kids. I was the man for those 2 months.

The pants worked magic when it came to seniors. They would consider me as their own and this way I had the kids and the men in my circle.

Tiffin box is fine.. but 5 floors of it?

Lunch time was fun coz that would mean playing football, hogging sausages etc in my previous school.

I was –sooo – not ready for the ordeal in my classroom.

A huge piece of cloth, (what I would call a bathing towel) served as the base. Next came a fancy store plastic carry-bag out of which came 1,2,3,4,5 .. 6 floors of food. Rice, daal, vegetables, fish, egg, prawns, roti, yoghurt, pickles etc etc. It was a genie in the making. All this food for lunch? And you still are so freakkin’ skinny? All I could see were bigger feasts packed into bigger floors. And guess what I had... 1 chapati roll of chicken pieces, foil wrapped. Too embarrassed, I headed to the canteen to hear the word ‘puff’ - for the first time, as a food item.

Finally made a friend..

I owe a lot to this guy! He realized the potential in my fat-ness and taught me how to harness it for free stationery and home-work. With crazy adventures to our credit, most memorable being the ‘pornography dealers’ accusation. To put it as a newspaper headline – “Desperate youngster pays a fortune for dirty pictures”....

What’s coming up next?

-ACCUSED - Pornography dealer at the tender age of 15!!
-New fat kid buys off his school canteen.
-Best tied chontee award goes to...

Ridhan Assadi - Archives:

by Ridhan Assadi - Mangalore
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Comment on this article

  • Austin Santhosh, Haleangadi/Bahrain

    Tue, Feb 09 2010

    Good Article Mr. Ridhan. Write more about Mangalore city and its beautiful sorroundings. Looking forward many more such articles from you. May God bless you.

  • Sandy, Bangalore

    Tue, Feb 09 2010

    Good one boy. Blue Chaddi, i thought you were going about Pink Chaddi Campaign.

  • Anwar&Shoukath,Dubai,

    Mon, Feb 08 2010

    Most informative article,has inspired us,hope to read more articles from you.

  • Gloria, Mangalore

    Mon, Feb 08 2010

    Could have done better with the Ending as i was curious but disappointed.

  • SANDRA DSOUZA, mangalore/israel

    Sat, Feb 06 2010

    Lets say its not only an article....a real story....hats off to u assadi...very nice to read...

  • bhai, Dubai

    Sat, Feb 06 2010

    Very intriguing and interesting article Mr Assadi....looking forward for more of your articles....

  • Pamela, Mangalore

    Sat, Feb 06 2010

    Awesome one..looking forward to more.. o)

  • Julie D'sa, Mangalore, Delhi

    Fri, Feb 05 2010

    Eccentric humor Mr. Assadi!!

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Title: From a Dumb, Fat Football to a Mature (ing) Mangalorean Teen

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