More than Just Tying a Knot….

Mangalore, March 3, 2010 

Marriage is one of the most inevitable aspects of life. It provides a person an opportunity for a secure and protected satisfaction of his need for companionship, affection and sexual expression. 

Although scientific achievements have provided human beings with all kinds of amenities they have not changed at the basic level. The human instincts such as joy, jealousy, love, hate, fear and pride have not changed over the centuries. The people still need stable family environment to lead a content life.

It is said that ‘Marriages are made in heaven, so are thunder and lightning’. The number of divorce rates these days is quite alarming. The sacred institution of marriage is under a great stress in the present society. High divorce rates and the trend of living together have resulted in broken families and troubled children. Many married couples have struggled to maintain their relationship, which is no doubt, a big threat to the whole concept of marriage. 

Even after marrying the person of their choice people tend to fail in their marriages. So the saying ‘they lived happily ever after’ is only restricted to movies and fairy tales. Marital discord has become one of the major causes of suicide these days.

Marriage is a life long commitment of love, respect and belongingness. It is important to get married, as the research shows that people who don't' get married at the right age or who don't marry at all suffer from a kind of emptiness that leads to frustrations.

Problems in marriage affect every aspect of your life. It's hard to concentrate at work, it's hard to act carefree around your children, and it's hard to put on a happy face with friends and relatives when you are unhappy and frustrated with your mate.

The very foundation of any marriage is love. It can be developed through mutual respect and trust. A husband and wife must always be completely faithful to each other. Many a times the spouses get too possessive. Every relationship has to have its own intimacy but at the same time allowance for a personal space is a must.

Relationship like marriage needs mainly ‘compatibility’ to stand the test of time. Ultimately it’s the quality of relationship shared by the couple which is more important. Not only the couple, but the other members of the two families also contribute to make the institution of marriage a success.

The successful marriages require support systems, common values and shared aspirations in addition to love and mutual understanding. Cultural uniformity plays a vital role in success of marriage. General observation show that the couples in a successful marriage belong to a similar cultural group. Recognition of mistakes by both the couple is a must. The couples often hesitate to accept their mistake and bring their ego in between thinking that by saying sorry the other partner will gain an upper hand. Just by simply acknowledging the mistake can solve fifty percent of conflicts. Most of the people who have a stable and successful marriage are very up-front in their relationship and never hesitate to say sorry. Forgiving and accepting apology leads to better understanding.  

Economic condition is one of the major causes of strain in marriages at all income levels. Better economic conditions do not mean that only rich people can have a stable marriage. The people should spend only what they can afford. Some people at lower income level have much better marriages as compared to the rich and wealthy people. The key is to keep the expenses within limits for both partners. 

The availability of support system too is a great contributor to stable marriages. It is a network of friends or relatives that can be relied upon in case of any misunderstanding. Both the partners can discuss the problem with their respective friends. Only by discussing or talking about the problem it can be put in a proper perspective.

Despite all the changes and process of modernization, the institution of marriage still retains a strong value in society. A large number of people get married even after a bitter divorce which indicates that there is something in the human psyche that propels people towards making a commitment through marriage. This fact was recognized long time ago and gradually the institution of marriage evolved over centuries. The challenge for our times is to keep the sacred relationship like marriage intact.

Performing the rituals of marriage may be simple and enjoyable but maintaining the true spirit of marriage is essential which calls for maturity, love and understanding on the part of couples. It is a bond which must last forever and ever… William Haunt rightly defines marriage as a “God-planned creation, individually patterned and woven together to bring happiness and warmth to mankind”.

Veekshita Arasa - Archives:

By Veekshitha Arasa
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Comment on this article

  • Prathima N Kamath, Mangalore/Bangalore

    Sun, Jun 06 2010

    Hi Veekshita,
    Thanks for posting such a good article. I feel that these days many people get married because they 'have' to and not because they 'want' to. Yes, marriage is a very important aspect of our lives, but now society has changed and many people would like to live independently. I am sure if there wasn't so much of pressure from parents and relatives, children would not force themselves to get married and end up being unhappy and divorced. Parents should always be there to guide and support us in our life, and if the child feels that he or she should get married to someone of their choice, then the parents should let them. There is no point in getting married to a person you don't love or get along with. Because it will be very difficult to lead a happy married life. Once again, this was a really good article. Keep posting more and more.


    Sun, Mar 21 2010

    veekshi nice article wic u wrote .... really baba... i hope most person ll get new knowldge abt the marriage na... any way gud luck dear...

  • A.S.Mathew, U.S.A.

    Sat, Mar 06 2010

    Great article. Broken marriages are the norm of this century. It was very prevalent in the west,
    but now getting common in all the  economically growing countries.

    Marriages are done not exactly in  God's way, even though God is the person who established marriage as the oldest institution in the world.

    Every human being is exclusively unique in her or his mindset. When getting into a married life,
    two personalities are attracted through sexual attraction, but  in everything else, there will be
    frictions attached. If the couples are totally selfless and humble, they can adjust life
    very easily to have a greater marriage. But in the modern day, as both the husband and wife are
    working, their ego of self-sufficiency will not allow them to give an inch of "give and take" attitude.

    If God is not in the marriage, that marriage is shaken from the  very starting point. Avoid the
    in-laws to interfere in the  marriage. Live and spend according to the income they have. Have a great part for sex in marriage, because that is the best panacea to solve the frictions of marriage. Majority of the marriages of Indian couples have broken because their parents came  to stay with them in the U.S.

    Broken and divorced marriages are producing delinquent children, and the society is facing that  second challenge of problems.  This serious problem has to be addressed because it will affect
    the whole nation. 

  • joslyn, valencia

    Sat, Mar 06 2010

    hi veekshitha.. marvellous article i came thru........... neways keep it up, all the best.........

  • Ganesh Palan, Udupi / Jubail S.A

    Fri, Mar 05 2010

    Hai Veekshitha thanks for writing such an nice article. Keep writing more..

  • Sharol Rodrigues, Kulshekar

    Fri, Mar 05 2010

    hey veekshitha...nice2read ur article..all the best4ur future

  • dinesh, mangalore/usa

    Fri, Mar 05 2010

    Your article is very nice. I agree that a couple should love, respect, share, etc., but that they can do without marriage. I agree 100% with Bertrand Russell that marriage is a legal institution to make the man (not woman) take responsibility for the children he fathers. All the rest can happen with or without marriage, but the society (or laws that it makes) ensures that he cannot just run away. The mother has no choice. That is why BR thought marriage should be when the woman gets pregnant. It is so in many African societies, and they are no more unhappy, less caring, than any of us. I said so to my future wife, and she understood. But we wanted kids, and so had a formal marriage.


    Fri, Mar 05 2010

    Very good article.But there are very few who are criticize. Let us read and grab what is good for us.There are many valuable points to be noted and to practice.All best to you Vekshitha.

  • Ronald, Mangalore

    Fri, Mar 05 2010

    Nice article. In today's world the most common reason for failure of marriage is because most of the people do not understand that Marriage is a responsibility. Physical attaraction / appearance is been given more importance when choosing bride / groom. Actaully one should see the inner beauty than the physical beauty. More over one shoulod also see the compatibility such as likes and dislikes. Adjusting and respecting each other is also very importent to keep the marriage alive. Marraige is not just bed of roses. Get maried only if you understand the meaning of it. Do not get married for fun or pleasure. This does not survice for long.

  • R.T.SHETTY, mangalore

    Fri, Mar 05 2010

    dear sister veekshi.excellent far i know marriage system is to create good society,good culture.good nation.those who r marring for sex their marriage cannot b success.because human desire is always changing,those who r marring for love their marriage would b is permanent it will never change.according to me those child born with prayer it is will b good to the society.those child who born by only sex not any is illegal it will creat threat to the society.this is the reason of increased voilence in the world.anyway i like the subject.keep writing.

  • Felix F., India/Ksa

    Fri, Mar 05 2010

    "The very foundation of any marriage is love." says Vekshitha.This why 100% of marriages are not happy,or pretending to be happy, because the foundation "Love" does not exist in reality.
    Love is a vision made into reality by a spell, such as money, personality, economic status, etc. This spell called love wears out immidiately after marriage or gradually, depending on how good a actors the husbnd and wife are.
    In my opinion marriage is not sacred, or should be made permanent, it is a way of nature only for procreation. It should be like a employment contract, and the children produced by this contract should be the responsibility of the state. In this way, the children will not suffer economic hardships, brought to them by their economically unsound parents

  • Lancy Lobo, Mangalore/Kuwait

    Fri, Mar 05 2010

    Mr.Nav-Mangalore,please see the dictionary for the meaning of inevitable and marriage.No oen said article is bad.Just the first line is totally wrong when there are priests and nuns unmarried.Good writing Veekshita

  • nav, Mangalore

    Thu, Mar 04 2010

    Just because you are not married, dont blame the article written by Veekshita. The article is an eye opener to all and what she has written is the fact. Marriages are inevitable part of a human being's life.

  • R.T.SHETTY, mangalore

    Thu, Mar 04 2010


  • Rakesh Dsouza, Mangalore

    Thu, Mar 04 2010

    Mr.Antony T. D' Souza, Karkala / Qatar - Its better to accept the truth instead of arguing on the dynamacy of the writer. In this modern world anyone can advice to anyone regardless of the age difference...If someone express their own openion about any matter its their openion we have nothing to do with it. Ms.Veekshita also done the same thing....She is not pointed out anyone inparticular... I really appreciate Ms.Veekshita, keep on writing.....

  • teena, vamanjoor

    Thu, Mar 04 2010

    hi vikshi nice article keep it up


    Thu, Mar 04 2010

    Very nice article Veekshitha Arasa. Keep it up. It is the good awareness that you have brought to our notice. Though we know about this inspite that we fail because our commitment to God is not deeply Rooted.

  • sujithkumar, polali,k.s.a

    Thu, Mar 04 2010

    Good arictle.  .please keep wirting

  • Herbert, Mangalore/Sydney, Australia

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    According to my observation, the institution of marriage is slowly disappears and dying, at least in the part of world where I live. Why bother to marry and then face all the conflicts, problems, hassles, and finally separation and divorces, that are associated, when one can enjoy all the perks and benefits (love, companionship, sex, etc. etc. and even children!) outside marriage, as they commonly do over here in Australia and some other Western countries I suppose, which is socially and culturally acceptable!.

    I know it sounds improper and immoral, but no one seems to be bothered or concerned and it is a general practice, specially with the modern youth of X and Y generation, who live together and carry on, as if they are married, for years, and I will not be surprised if this trend catches up with the Indian
    Society as well, specially with the affluent lot, sooner or later, irrespective whether one likes it or not.

  • suzaan, Mangalore/Kuwait

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Your article does bring up those issues which every married person faces.But I would like to say like the many other things we do or try to accomplish,marriage too,has to be worked hard at.Putting in your total effort,faith and hope makes this constituion work.Many people forget to remain friends and that the main cause for marriages failing a lot.But if it really doesnt work,there is no point in dragging the 2 failed corpses for years.Again when there are children in the picture,its a whole different matter.Thats requires columns of lecturtes on ethics and what not.

  • Antony T. D' Souza, Karkala / Qatar

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    It looks like a women who gave birth to one baby teaching another women who has already given twice birth for the twins, how to deliver a baby !. I know two persons who are excellent writers, preachers, counselors about marriage life, twice divorced themselves.

    On the contrary unmarried priests also deliver lengthy preaching for the couples how should be a marriage life. It is just like one who does not know swimming teaching others by reading a book ' how to swim'. Everybody wants to write, preach about marriage. In general, no amount of preaching, writing can help to everybody where in some religion it is permissible to repeat word ‘talak’ thrice before divorce. Therefore, article should have been more dynamic to cover every marriages in all communities.

    Failures in marriages does exists. However, those failures does not rule the world nor to avoid it can not implement Based Inspection software to forecast its life span. Alas ! Therefore, need not get panic about marriage life, as couples united they will carry on their married life with little bit of understanding in everything including poverty, remaining faithful to each other, being selfless and filling daily life with Prayers is more than sufficient for a successful marriage life.

  • Joyan, Mumbai

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Good article veekshita.... keep it up....

  • preethu, mangalore

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    I agree with me MR AALAMABU

  • adshenoy, mangaluru

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Todays marriages are for the most part for conveniences only. when expectations unmet marriages bound to fail. Successful marriages are those who marry without any expectations from each other. marry as two human beings and not as commodities or nicities or good goings.

  • Bulsam, Mangalore

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    The human qualities such as joy, jealousy, love, hate, fear and pride have not changed over the centuries because they are inbuilt human instincts for their survival, sexual attraction for reproduction and for the up-bringing of their young ones. Marriage is a contract of convenience which by itself has no shelf life but the husband and wife have to sacrifice for the betterment of each other.
    The marriage becomes successful for two reasons. They are

    1) Both husband and wife work very hard to see that they had least frictions and more co-operations. They gave one another their freedom to behave as per their habits and complimented one another towards it and
    2) In rare co-incident there are couples who have so many habits which are complimenting instead of clashing with one another. These are partners naturally love to have one another’s company for their journey of life.
    The one who do not fall into various grades of this broad category have to go through a lot of unpleasant hardship. The older generation, some how tried to work it out for the betterment of their off-springs, their clan and the society. Today’s nuclear and materialistic family neither gives importance to their better-half, their clan nor the society. This makes a very delicate situation for the marriages to last.

  • Aalamabu Sdvani, Jodraaste/Bailur

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    MARRIAGE IS NOTHING BUT JUST LIKE 'COCONUT'...AFTERALL ONE'S FATE...sometimes water in it..sometimes just 'pottu'..very difficult to handle..god only save on that moment..karma fala..

  • jayagopal, mangalore

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    an great take on marriage. nicewriting veekshitha after my diary... and have read 'priceless housewives' in Daijiworld Weekly again a outstanding work

  • Christelle Pinto, Urwa

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Nice article Veekshita. But please don't be excited while using new words. "Inevitable" doesn't fit in the context of your article. need to be more careful in future. All the best.

  • Minisha, Mangalore / Dubai

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Ignoring the blooper in the first line rest of the article is nice.

  • Pearl, Mangalore / Melbourne

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    how can the writer say that marriages are the MOST INEVITABLE aspect of life. I am 42 and unmarried and don't intend to either. Better not to generalise.

  • Molly, Mangalore / california

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    How come the writer says that "marriage is one of the most INEVITABLE aspects of life" ... A gaffe like that one the first line of an article!!! Miss Veekshita please take note.

  • Pearl D'Silva, Mangalore

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Nice article.Well written.For those who are married they should be committed to each other and respect this holy relation of marriage and not just marry due to pressure from others.
    "Marriage is one of the most inevitable aspects of life. It provides a person an opportunity for a secure and protected satisfaction of his need for companionship, affection and sexual expression".I disagree with this line as we have Priests,Nuns and laymen who are not married.It is just a matter of choice.

  • Jacintha Dcosta, Mangalore/Ireland

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Good thinking....Whole concept of marriage is explained..

  • Giri, Kuwait / Mangalore

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Very Good Article Veekshitha..Keep it up..I liked it very much..thank u

  • simplia, mangalore/kuwait

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Marriage is all about understanding, trust...good one veekshita

  • RJ Avinash, Big92.7fm, Udupi/kundapur/mangalore

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Nice article.. I have read your articles earlier. Hope to see some nice article in future as well. good luck..

  • Manjunatha Bangera, Kasaragodu/Bengaluru

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Good one Veekshitha. I think all the married couple must read it.

  • reginald francis, katapadi

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Good Article. Sharing, caring and mutual understanding between couples is not there in today's life. A small misunderstanding will lead to divorce because of lack of above qualities with the married couples.

  • deeksha, mangalore

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    i agree with all tht u have written about marriage.... seriously marriage is a commitment of love trust respect n belongingness

  • Stephen Dsouza, surathkal/Doha Qatar

    Wed, Mar 03 2010

    Vekshitha good article keep it up.

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