December 3, 2008
“Live your beliefs and you can change the world around”, said American author, poet, and Philosopher Henry David Thoreau. Greatly prodded by this quotation that appeared in a T V channel everyday, noted Advocate and Notary of Mangalore Mr Clarence Pais did exactly that. He stood up to what he believed in, to pick up the threads of his life which was in total disarray after the demise of his wife and gave a new beginning to it.
At 81 when most people call it quits Pais has taken the bold step of finding a new life companion for him to fill the vacuity left behind by his late wife Flavia Mary Pais. After going through registered marriage on October 17, 2008, he is all set to wed his wife, 69 year old spinster Sophia D’Souza of Bendoor parish in a formal but simple church ceremony on 26th December 2008. It is more of a companionship marriage with the partners trying to find solace and comfort in each other’s company, when they need it the most.
It is indeed a bold step because usually the society sneers and pokes fun at such trendsetting occurrences. Pais did not bother what the society might think about it. Rather he has shown that life can begin all over again at 80 plus. He must have taken a cue from the great African leader Nelson Mandela who picked up the threads of his tattered life by marrying Graca Machel, a widow, on his 80th birthday in 1998 and the marriage is still working. The only difference was that Pais had led a very happy and peaceful married life of 55 years before his wife Flavia succumbed to Leukemia in March 2008. Though critics may say it was too early for him to tie the knot again, the circumstances were such he was forced to act decisively and quickly.
It was during the mourning period that Pais was given a sanguine advice, incidentally by a widow, on what life was in store for him as a widower. She consoled me saying “my experience is that widows can survive after the death of their husbands. But no husband who was greatly devoted to his wife for many years has survived for more than a year and a half”, he recalls. Initially he pooh-poohed the suggestion only to realize its implication as time passed by. David Thoreau had said “I have never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude”. Pais tried to find company in solitude but says “this grand quotation did not work in my case. Slowly I began to realize the importance of the sanguine message given by the widow”, he confesses.
His five children - 4 sons and a daughter are settled in Mangalore and abroad but he lived all alone, T V being his only companion. “I work hard from 10 am to 6 pm and from 6 pm to 10 am the next morning I led a life of solitude and I was getting into a state of depression”, he says. He added “Passing time was a nightmare and as days and months passed I was in total despair”. He then consulted his friends and well-wishers who insinuated that he should go for a marriage not so much for the exercise of conjugal rights but to take the place of a mother/sister or companion who will show the same kind of love and affection of a wife.
But he was careful not to fall from the frying pan to the fire by marrying in a hurry and get into deeper troubles. Recalling the events that led to his fortunate meeting with Sophia he says “I knew Margaret who has been with us in fighting the case regarding the Light House Hill property. As I used to go to her house I met Sophia, a highly educated and cultured lady, who is very shy in nature. I proposed to her and for my good fortune she agreed”, he says with a mischievous grin.
While Clarence is a widower for Sophia it has been an entirely new experience. Older Sister Margaret D Abreo says “though Sophie relies on me for most decisions, it was entirely her verdict that sealed the deal. I am not sure whether she realizes the gravity of her decision but I feel she required more courage and conviction than Clarence to accept the proposal. I can only say it is an intervention of god and he has worked it out for us”. Sophie has been a spinster who lives with her sister Margaret for the last few years. She is a MA/BEd and had spent considerable years in Germany teaching Bharathnatyam there. She came back to Mangalore on her sister’s request a few years ago and has been living with her. Life took a new turn with Pais proposing to her.
Pais says when he revealed his plans to his children they supported his decision wholeheartedly though he says “I feel it is a bit painful for them to realize and accept that their mother’s place is being usurped by someone else. But they agreed that it was the best thing to do under the circumstances”. All the 5 children of Pais are married and settled independently and property matters are also completed. His eldest son L C Pais is a Christian Marriage Registrar in Mangalore. Second son Antony is a Cancer Surgeon in Saudi Arabia. Third son Peter is a Mechanical Engineer in Muscat. Fourth son David is working as his junior and youngest daughter Vimala is settled in America.
The best part of the event is that his elder son registered his father’s marriage and youngest son signed as a witness for the marriage certificate. All his four sons will be present for the church ceremony, except his daughter, who is unable to make it for the wedding. Was he nervous or afraid in coming to a decision? “Now there is no fear”, he says. “I am 81 and I can look forward to at the most 5 years or more and I feel it is worth the gamble. Why should I deny myself the comforts of having a companion for whatever period I live?” he asks. “My decision has been appreciated by the Bishop and the parish priest of Milagres and by many of my well-wishers and friends”, he adds.
There were a few dissenting voices from distant relatives and well-wishers who derided his decision and wanted to pull his legs having fun at his cost. “But I stood like a rock and the dissenting voices have melted down”, he explains.
Clarence has always stood up for his convictions and has rendered yeomen’s service in the religious and socio-economic fields of parishes and dioceses. After graduating from Madras Law College his started practicing in 1952 and was appointed a Notary in 1963. As an advocate he noticed the injustice done to Christians as per the Indian Succession Act where a Christian widow could not rely upon the will of her husband until it was approved by the District Judge at a cost of 15% of the value of the property. This clause applied only for Christian widows and not for Hindu, Muhammadan, Buddhist, Sikhs, Jains etc.
Pais filed a writ petition on the advice of Soli Sorabji but lost in the Supreme Court. Undaunted, Pais used his personal rapport and knowledge to bring the injustice to the notice of the concerned in Delhi and finally the cabinet took a decision to introduce a bill in Parliament to amend the act to include Indian Christians and Parsis in the category of exempted communities. The bill became a law in 2002 benefiting more than three crores of Indian Christians and about sixty lakhs Parsis in the country. It is perhaps a rare instance where a single action benefited the entire community of a country. Recognizing his service to the Christian community he was granted with the rare honour of the Knighthood of St Gregory the Great on 4th April, 2008, which was incidentally his 80th Birthday. Since then he has been known as Chevalier Clarence Pais.
Age has not withered his enthusiasm for work which keeps him active and agile. He still works from 10 to 6 and is hale and healthy. He attributes his good health to taking good care of his body without abusing it by smoking or consuming alcohol and to regulated food habits.
Having stood for what he believes in Clarence Pais has certainly sent a positive signal to all those who are facing similar circumstances in life but are afraid to take decision fearing the society. “I have not afraid to take a decision and I have shown that age is not a matter to find a suitable partner for oneself”.
Let us wish all the best to this couple for bravely standing up for what they believed in and for being the trendsetters. Hats off!