Toxic Parents: A Son’s Struggle for Voice and Worth

  •   Wed, Dec 31 2025
  •   By Ankith S Kumar

December 31 

A son is often raised to believe that obedience is love, silence is respect, and endurance is strength. From a young age, he is taught, sometimes gently, sometimes brutally, that his role is not to question but to comply. In families with toxic parenting, this lesson becomes a life sentence.

This is the story of many sons. Quiet stories. Uncelebrated struggles. Lives lived between duty and dignity.

Before Marriage: Love That Feels Like a Test

In a toxic household, love is conditional. A son is praised when he performs, punished when he asserts, and ignored when he needs emotional safety. His achievements are never enough; his mistakes are never forgotten. Comparisons with others become routine. Emotional manipulation hides behind statements like “After all we’ve done for you” or “Good sons don’t talk back.”

He grows up walking on eggshells, choosing his words carefully, suppressing emotions, shrinking himself to keep the peace. His opinions are dismissed as immature. His boundaries are treated as disrespect. Slowly, he learns a dangerous lesson: his worth lies in pleasing others, not in being himself.

Even when he earns, contributes, and sacrifices, he is reminded of his “place.” Gratitude is demanded, not earned. Guilt becomes the family language.

Marriage: A New Life, Old Chains

Marriage, for many sons, brings hope, the promise of partnership, emotional refuge, and a life built on mutual respect. But for a son raised by toxic parents, marriage often marks the beginning of a deeper conflict.

Suddenly, he is expected to balance two worlds. His wife becomes an easy target, blamed for his independence, accused of “changing him,” painted as the reason he no longer obeys without question. The son is trapped in the middle, forced to choose between loyalty and self-respect.

Toxic parents may intrude into decisions that no longer belong to them, finances, parenting, time, and even emotional priorities. When the son tries to draw boundaries, he is accused of betrayal. When he stays silent, his marriage suffers.

He is made to feel selfish for prioritising his wife and child, even though this is the natural progression of adulthood. The message is clear: his life can move forward, but only on their terms. 

After Marriage: The Cost of Silence

Over time, the weight becomes unbearable. The son begins to lose pieces of himself, his confidence, his peace, his voice. He may feel like a failure both as a son and as a husband. Anxiety creeps in. Resentment builds quietly. Emotional exhaustion becomes normal. Some sons explode. Some withdraw. Some carry the pain silently, believing suffering is their duty.

But here is the truth no one tells them early enough: Endurance without boundaries is not strength; it is self-destruction.

Choosing Voice Over Guilt

Breaking free from toxic parenting does not mean abandoning parents. It means refusing to be emotionally controlled. It means understanding that respect does not require self-destruction. A grown son has the right to his own life, his own family, and his own emotional safety. Setting boundaries is not cruel. Prioritising one’s spouse and child is not betrayal. Seeking peace is not weakness. A son’s worth is not measured by how much pain he tolerates, but by how honestly he lives.

Healing Forward

Healing begins when a son allows himself to speak first to himself, then to others. When he stops seeking approval from those who withhold it. When he understands that love should feel safe, not suffocating. The journey is painful. The guilt is real. But so is the freedom. And perhaps one day, that son will raise his own child differently, teaching them that love does not demand silence, and worth does not need permission.

 

 
By Ankith S Kumar
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Comment on this article

  • Minal Assadi, Karkala

    Wed, Dec 31 2025

    This article is very real and deeply touching, sir. You’ve beautifully expressed a pain that many sons carry silently but rarely speak about. The emotions feel honest, relatable, and compassionate. Thank you for giving voice to such an important and unspoken struggle.

  • Rekha shetty, Nitte

    Wed, Dec 31 2025

    Appreciated ,Good article.


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