Birth Of Child with Differently Abled & Anguish Of Parents

  •   Sat, Nov 15 2025
  •   By Dr Sr Judy Lewis

November 15, 2025 

  1. Introduction

The commencement of pregnancy for a woman is a moment of participation in the mystery of creation unfolded by the creator replete with hope, expectancy, anxiety, uncertainties and surprises. How will be the birth of this child of mine? What will be its features? How can I bring up my darling? What will be its future and what is it going to be? How can I devote my time, energy, attention and focus entirely on the baby?

The expected day arrives, the baby sees the light of the day, I encounter my beloved, my wonder, my creation, my own image and likeness and entire reality of life is in front of me!  But alas, the doctor arrives, looks at the baby, and declares that the baby is born with ‘down syndrome’!!! What is this ‘down syndrome’? Explain to me doctor what is this down syndrome? Tears flow from my eyes. I cry loudly as if the whole world has fallen on me. I realise step by step that the baby is not normal; it is differently abled.  I experience a life shock, a trauma, helplessness, anger so on and so forth…..

It takes days together to accept the fact, accept that my child is going to be a life long cross!! O God, what shall I do now? Oh God, give me the will power to accept the cross; face the future, endure the sufferings, pains and challenges.

Let us cool down and try to understand the plight of these parents, who have to face the challenge of accepting and bringing up the differently abled child. How can we understand the couple, the emotional, psychological, moral and physical aspects of their plight? Whatever be the case, they have to be ready to face the challenges and endure the sufferings. Undoubtedly, they need patience, courage, resilience, faith in God and faith in themselves to bear the cross bravely and boldly. Let us analyse the emotional, psychological and practical challenges they have to face.

  1. Emotional Challenges

The emotional challenges could include shock and grief, guilt, fear and loneliness due to various factors. The shock is due to the least expected and undeserved life long suffering both for the new born and for the parents. The question comes up: “why?” increases the grief due to the trauma. The grief and shock are due to the resistance to let go off the dreams held before the child was born.

Next emotional challenge is the ‘sense of Guilt’; it is due to curiosity to find out what actually went wrong. What mistake have they done? How do they accept now the blame for a disabled child? The guilt can weigh deep affecting self esteem and overall well-being.

The feeling of fear that accompanies is due to the future which is uncertain, bleak and unpredictable. What could be the future of this babe? Will it be able to speak, laugh, enjoy friendship of companions, will it be independent? What about the education of the child and what will be its quality of life? All these uncertainties bring in constant emotional strain.

The social isolation to be experienced by both parents and the new born baby could become a lasting emotion. What will be the social life of the child? Can the child enjoy celebrations like birthdays, school events, how it will bear the isolation and loneliness. Will it be mentally sound? If not, what could be the repercussions on the family on other siblings and the social life of the parents?

  1. Psychological Challenges

The psychological challenge could be due to the mental health of the child, social stigma, Identity and role strain and sibling effects. The new onerous responsibility of looking after the new-born can lead the parents to depression, anxiety, burnout, sleeplessness, worry and tension. The parents need resilience to endure the stress and obligations of cumbersome parenthood that they are obliged to accede.

           The problem of isolation due to social stigma is to be courageously faced by the parents. Few will be the friends who will sympathise and empathise with them. The relatives too may just isolate them. There will be some who will not refrain from passing judgements and others might misunderstand them and evade their association.

Some parents of the differently abledchildren have strenuously cultivated through years of hard labour the career identities like teacher, lecturer, advocate, judge, physician, manager/CEO so on and so forth. Now to integrate the role of the parent with these identities may bring unthought of psychological hurdles of priorities of obligations, adjustments and adaptability. Balancing these roles can fragment personal identity and increase stress.

Finally, the brothers and sisters of the disabled child also may have to face some challenges. The over-attention to the differently abled child may reduce the love and care towards them, very specially the parents may not find sufficient time to be with them and listen to them. This is named as ‘sibling-effect’ which could even become another worry to the parents of differently abled child.

  1. Practical and Financial Challenges

The exorbitant rise in medical expenses that could include, medical treatment, specialised therapies, nursing cost, new devices to the child etc. etc., bound to become an unbearable burden to the family. The medical cost will be definitely for a lengthy duration, and might give rise to bank loans and necessary borrowings. This could become the heaviest cross for the spouses.

The pre-occupation to look after the child with disabilities bound to take major portion of the day. Other responsibilities may start piling up and attention to other tasks may have to be given up. Many activities may have to be curtailed and life may become very monotonous.

Then the additional burden of parenting will positively affect the career performance. The mothers who were efficient in their responsibilities, may face problems of lack of time, lack of focus, dissipations and distractions, pre-occupations etc, and as a result the efficiency bound to fail, and may end up sacrificing the profession itself.

Finally, the legal hurdles like endless office paper work for insurance claims, government subsidies, educational support etc can weigh heavily on the parents.

  1. Relationship strain within families

The new ambience of a differently abled child in the family can affect the marital bonds due to the stress caused in the spousal relationship. There may be arguments, blame games, impatient reactions, lack of mutual forgiveness etc. which may give rise to conflicts among the spouses, weakening marital connectivity.

Moreover, the close relatives instead of understanding the pain and misery of the couple may criticise them, desist help even in dire need, and thus enhance misunderstanding and tensions. This may lessen the emotional support from the family which the couple badly in need have.

Due to lack of time or even due to inferiority feelings, the couple may reduce social interactions, which can reduce the sense of belonging to the community and enhance the sense of isolation from friends and social groups.

  1. Societal and Cultural Challenges

Discrimination and Stigma: In many cultures there exists unfair stigma towards differently abledchildren. They are sometimes excluded from social events, and community celebrations. This invariably causes psychological setback to the parents and also to the siblings.

Lacuna in educational facilities: The ordinary schools lack infrastructure and support facilities designed for special children making the education of children cumbersome and difficult.

Limited Support Systems: In general the families with differently abled children lack support form neighbours and friends. As a result, they are left isolated to care for themselves. They may not find financial aid, counselling facilities and governmental support schemes. All this enhances the torments of parents with differently abled children.

  1. Ways to Support Families of Children with Disabilities

           Among the prominent ways to support families of children with differently abled, the most important is to provide them with counselling and professional therapy sessions to help them to cope with grief, depression and stress.

The government and NGO organisations should provide those subsidies, fiscal grants and health insurance, so that they are encouraged to face life with courage and determination. Creating support groups for parents will lessen their sense of isolation and promote their emotional solidarity. The public awareness campaigns will go to attenuate social stigma and create an attitude of empathy and respect towards them.

  1. Concluding Remarks

The challenges of raising up differently abled children are multiple and complex, but their task can be made light if the society cooperates. The relatives and friends and neighbours should first of all transform their attitude towards such children. Their worth is nothing less and their bond with the family is equally strong compared to other siblings. If parents can overcome their emotional and psychological traumas and accept the child wholeheartedly, then they can become exemplary couples and a striking paradigm of faith hope and self- confidence.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
By Dr Sr Judy Lewis
Dr Judy Lewis is a clinical psychologist at Sampoorna Counselling Centre, Mangaluru -575001. Cell: 919535309187.
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