June 12, 2025

When anger turns inward: A closer look at the link between anger, mental health, and hope

A Class 9 boy comes home from school. He was scolded in front of the class for not completing his assignment. At home his parents see him lying on the sofa and scold him to stop being lazy and focus on studies. He did not yell back or argue. He just goes to his room and sits there staring at the wall.

He feels hurt and alone. His chest is heavy, his jaw is tight. But no one sees it, no one hears anything. From the outside it looks like he’s just tired and moody.

But inside he’s angry. Angry that no one listened, no one seemed to care. That anger stayed inside without finding expression and became silence, sadness and a feeling of not being good enough. The quite anger – no shouting, no drama just a storm happening inside.

Anger is often misunderstood. We usually think it as shouting, breaking things, or big fights. But for many people anger does not come out like that. It doesn’t explode—it just sits inside, quietly building up, slowly eating them up. They don’t shout at others, but start blaming themselves. They pull away from people and feel alone. And sometimes, that silent anger gets so heavy, it leads to really dark thoughts. Even thoughts of giving up everything.

When we understand how anger and emotional pain are connected, we create space for kindness, healing and most of all hope.

I thought I was just angry – Rajesh’s Story

Rajesh, 32, an IT manager, always thought of himself as tough. When he lost his father suddenly, he didn’t cry. He didn’t talk about it. He went straight back to work.

But soon, his temper became unpredictable. Small things set him off—traffic, noise, even a missed call. Eventually, the anger turned inward. “I started thinking I was a bad son. That I didn’t deserve to feel better,” he says. “I didn’t know I was grieving. I thought I was just broken.”

After one especially hard night, Rajesh called a mental health helpline. “It was the first time I said out loud that I wasn’t okay,” he says. “It didn’t fix everything, but it helped me take a breath. And that breath led to getting real help.”

Why does anger hurt so much?

A lot of times, anger actually comes from pain. It shows up when someone has been hurt, rejected, gone through a loss or feels completely helpless. For people dealing with depression, anxiety or even thoughts of giving up, anger sometimes feels like the only thing they can show – maybe because it’s easier than showing fear or sadness.

And when there’s no safe way to let it out, anger can start to feel like a heavy secret. That’s when it can really hurt more.

I didn't know anger could be grief – Pooja’s Story

At 22, Pooja lost a close friend to suicide. She was heartbroken—but also really angry. “I was angry at her for leaving. Then I was angry at myself for being angry. I stopped talking to people. I didn’t trust what I was feeling anymore.”

Pooja’s turning point came when a counselor told her that anger was part of grief. “Just hearing that made me feel lighter,” she says. “It made me realise I wasn’t broken—I was just human.”

She began seeing a counselor where she could talk openly, cry, and even be angry. “It saved my life.”

Managing anger in healthy ways

If you are feeling really angry, here are a few simple things that can help:

• Take a pause - Count to ten. Step outside. Take a deep breath. A few seconds can help you calm down before reacting
• Write it out – Grab a notebook or your phone and just let it all out. Don’t worry how it sounds – just write what you feel.
• Move your body – Go for a walk, stretch, dance – anything to get your body moving. It will help clear your head.
• Talk to someone - A friend, a family member, a therapist—Sharing how you feel can really lighten the load. 

You are not alone

If anger has started to turn inward—if you’re feeling lost, stuck or questioning whether life is worth it—please talk to someone. You are not alone. Struggling does not make you weak, and asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of.

Talking saved me – Marco’s story

At 40, Rohan had built a life people admired. A good job, a family, a nice home. But inside, he felt like he was falling apart. He kept all his feelings to himself, until one night, alone in his car, it all hit him at once.

“I was ready to give up,” he says. “But I remembered something a friend told me: ‘If you can talk about it, you can survive it.’” Rohan called a crisis line. That call didn’t solve everything—but it helped him stay alive and get the help he needed.

“I still have rough days,” he says. “But now, I deal with them. I don’t hide from them. And that’s what healing feels like.”

Final thought: You Matter

Anger isn’t something to fear. It’s something to understand. And behind it, there’s often a deeper pain that deserves attention, not silence.

If you're struggling, please remember: there is help. There is hope. And there are people—many of them—who care about you, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

You are not alone. You never were.

When Anger Hides Deeper Pain: What to Watch For

Sometimes, anger is more than frustration—it can be a sign that someone is in emotional distress or at risk of a mental health crisis. Here are some warning signs to look out for in yourself or someone you care about:

 Emotional red flags:

• Frequent irritability or outbursts
• Sudden mood swings
• Withdrawing from friends or family
• Expressing hopelessness or worthlessness
• Talking about being a burden to others

Behavioral Changes:

• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
• Risk-taking or self-destructive actions
• Using drugs or alcohol more frequently
• Giving away belongings or saying goodbye

What You Might Hear:

• “I’m tired of everything.”
• “Everyone would be better off without me.”
• “I just want the pain to stop.”
• “What’s the point anymore?”

If you notice these signs, don’t ignore them—reach out or encourage the person to talk to someone they trust.

One Call Can Change Everything. You don’t have to face this alone.

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