Love without Trust is an Empty Pot

August 9, 2021

How wonderful and admirable two individuals, united in a marriage bond live in total fidelity to each other!! This is possible only when both are confirmed interiorly, that trust is binding them together with cords that cannot be broken. It will not be an exaggeration if I affirm that trust is the foundation of a stable married life. Trust creates fidelity, fidelity gives constancy and constancy surges into joy and exultation among couples. Lack of trust or distrust on the other hand weakens the marriage bond leading to a host of other problems. We can say that trust begets authentic love, deeper understanding, generosity towards each other and cordial relationships, peace, joy and happiness in marriage. If trust fails there will be always misunderstandings, quarrels, dissatisfaction, grumbling and unnecessary outbursts of anger. It is worthwhile to spend little time to reflect on the phenomenon of trust in marriage.

Trust is necessary not only in marriage, but it is also an important ingredient of ALL human relationships and encounters. It should exist between parents and children, siblings and friends, between an employer and an employee, teacher and student, businessman and client. We can even declare that no lasting human relationship is possible without trust. Let us reflect only on two points in this article: first what is trust and second, how trust is strengthened.

1. What is trust

Trust is simply acceptance of a person as he/she is. The clause ‘as he/she is’ important, because no one can all the time pretend or even struggle to change or remould him/herself just to appease the other. Maximum what a person can do is to adjust him/herself to live with another person. To trust someone means that you have a feeling of confidence and security that your partner cares for you. It means trust is simply a feeling of confidence and security. Repeated delete Trust builds up on experiences, memories and concepts one has about the other. Gradually this leads to an assurance on the character, ability, strength and good will towards the other.

Just observe the following points which affirm that trust is the driving factor in relationships:

  • Love without trusting a person is an empty pot. Trust is the basic foundation of love. Just like a mother and child relationship where the child trusts her mother and thereby loves her, your partner needs to know that you are trustworthy and won’t ditch in difficult times. This feeling is important for love to sprout and flourish.
  • Trust helps in healing. When you get hurt in your relationship, you get emotionally upset and experience pain due to the deep trust that you have in your spouse. Such situations should impel both towards a process of healing of emotions.
  • Trust helps overcome blockages. Trust is the binding component for all cracks and differences in a relationship. It is an inner assurance that deep down you can overcome the problems and feel safe and secure with your partner.

2. How trust can be created and strengthened

We all admire trust among marriage partners, friends, among colleagues, among industrial partners, among business entrepreneurs. But hardly we give a thought how this trust has to be created and sustained. Any wrong step can breakdown deepest friendships, lasting agreements and even legal contracts. Constant vigilance is necessary to sustain and retain trust in marriage or in any trustworthy enterprise or relationship. Real trust presupposes maturity in relationships. Maturity is an art of understanding the other, which helps you to respond during the difficult situations with courage, kindness and patience. Let me briefly elaborate the elements that strengthen trust.

  • Respect for others freedom. Each one has an area of personal freedom – if we step into it, the person will flare up. Both husband and wife have their own horizons of engagements which are personal and confidential. Supervising or suspiciously interfering into that area will destroy trust.
  • Reverence for others dignity. Partners have their own dignity. You cannot probe into others movements and others activities by raising inquisitive questions.
  • Mutually enhancing the dimensions of creative interactions. Study the other – what your partner likes and what he/she dislikes. If both strive to adjust their behaviour corresponding to the personality of the other, the bond of relationship will be tightened.
  • Avoid domination. See that you never try to dominate the other or give the sense of possessing the other or controlling the other. The other should have total freedom to organise his/her activities connected with profession and responsibilities, any intervention on your part will spoil the soup.
  • Trust in God. Always trust in God and trust in the other will flow smoothly.

Some practical guidelines to strengthen mutual trust between the couples could be the following:

  • Have Open dialogue. The communication between the two should be open and transparent. If that happens then both gradually will start sharing their deepest secrets and fears. Each one learns to gauge the feelings of the other and respond to the other taking into account the moods.
  • Send Positive vibration. When the obstacles arise between the spouses, first thing you need to do is to understand your partner. Sending positive vibrations is most important thing you can do towards your partner so that the obstacles are overcome.
  • Maintain eye contact. Mutual trust invariably results in constant eye contact while communicating. It shows that both have nothing to hide, any behaviour otherwise means that there is something that remains concealed.
  • Listen actively. Most often we tend to interrupt our partner’s talk or we are too eager to give advice. But if we can listen carefully and attentively what the partner has to say, then we manifest our care and concern towards the partner, which will build up mutual trust.
  • Admit mistakes. Just admit your mistake without any embarrassment, even if you feel uncomfortable. Do not always dig the past and start talking about the bygone incidents.
  • Note the interests of your partner. Take interest in what your partner does and achieves, and encourage when something important happens, congratulate when the partner achieves something great. This will enhance and deepen your relationships.

3. Conclusion

Most of us have experienced in our lives the betrayal of our trust by others, which makes it difficult for us to trust them again and we say that they are not worthy of our trust. This is especially true in marriage life because trust is an indispensable ingredient in strengthening and maintaining a healthy marriage life. Trusting your partner will enable you to feel safe, secure and supported. Trust is the faith that you have in your spouse which you wish to maintain and be loyal to the bond of marriage. Suspicion and doubt beget distrust and a relationship without trust is simply chaotic and dysfunctional. To conclude, think always positive about your partner and cultivate the habit of sending positive vibrations in spite of all vicissitudes. Have patience and keep your calm because it is worth investing the time and effort as wonders could be wrought if we persevere in trust.

 

 

 

 

 

By Sr Dr Judy Lewis
Sr Dr Judy Lewis UFS is a clinical psychologist and counsellor. She can be contacted on 9535309187.
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Comment on this article

  • John Miranda, Pachinadka/ Bantwal/ Dubai

    Sat, Aug 14 2021

    Well written article.

  • Alwyn, Bangalore / UK

    Thu, Aug 12 2021

    Well written article on Love without Trust is an Empty Pot. Even in friendship need to build up Love and Trust or else chaotic.

  • Joy, Philippines

    Thu, Aug 12 2021

    Dear Sis Judy, excellent article. It is very a relationship without trust is simply chaotic and dysfunctional. Congratulations.

  • Winstot, Brahmavar

    Wed, Aug 11 2021

    Hi sis , Good article..

  • joyce, Mumbai

    Wed, Aug 11 2021

    Dear Sr. Judy, wow! Great effort from you for this well written article for the people of society. Your work as a counsellor well appreciated.

  • Fr Prakash Cutinha, Melbourne

    Wed, Aug 11 2021

    Sr. Judy, Once again a great effort. This is very much inspiring, informative and enlightening message. This piece of writing shows your depth of knowledge, your experience in dealing with the broken people in various ways and genuine concern for the people who are going through stormy life. May your expertise in the field of counselling bring many more blessings for the needy. Hope your Congregation is proud of you.

  • Divya, Mumbai /Dubai.

    Wed, Aug 11 2021

    Dear Sr. Judy congratulations for your nice article. It is indeed great contribution to the society through your guidance and counselling. It is need of the hour. Thanks and God bless you. Some of the families are broken and children are suffering due husband and wife relationships, and regular fights and misunderstanding.

  • Lancy Lobo, Bahrain

    Wed, Aug 11 2021

    Dear sr. Judy congratulations for your wonderful article. May God bless you for all the good work you do it for the society. Thank you for making aware of Husband and wife.

  • John, Mangalore

    Wed, Aug 11 2021

    Trust in God for healing broken relations, sickness and for Divine blessings, Specially for those young and old who are looking for Divine healing touch for virus related illnesses, thousands of Covid 19 healings as per testimonies received by Gifted and Anointed Priest Fr Dr Jose Vettiyankal of Logos Retreat Centre, Bangalore who conducts free online healing prayer service everyday between 15:00 to 16:30 for all faiths, including doctors and hopeless cases. Also he blesses the Holy Oil, water, salt for healing, online. Following video of today's service... https://youtube.com/watch?v=01B0vHugKQo

  • John, Mangalore

    Wed, Aug 11 2021

    Wonderful! But this covid time we can trust only eternal spouse, bridegroom or Son of God and why ? Jesus on another epidemic among vaccinated in a message to John Leary dated Saturday, July 31, 2021: (St. Ignatius Loyola) Jesus said: “My people, you are about to see another epidemic among the vaccinated people, as their immune systems have been ruined, and they will be more susceptible to getting sick from Covid variants. The government leaders will try to place more restrictions on your people with various shutdowns. You will see chaos with hospitals overloaded with patients. Many vaccinated people will be dying from their Covid vaccine shots. All of the spiritual people, who were vaccinated or unvaccinated, will be called to My refuges, and those, who have crosses on their forehead, will be allowed to enter and be healed by looking on My luminous cross. You will see many healings at My refuges, and My faithful will have changed lives to living together as a faith community. After the Warning many people will understand how they will be protected at My refuges. My refuge leaders will be organizing My people with jobs to help all of you survive by sharing your food, and miracles of multiplication when needed. Trust in Me to have My angels protect you from the demons and the evil people, who will not be able to enter My refuges

  • Roney, Bangalore / UK

    Tue, Aug 10 2021

    Dear Sr.Judy, Congratulations to you. Your involvement to the society is great. Thanks for the wonderful article. Well explained about trust and how trust is strengthened.

  • Leedia Gama, St Xavier's HP's TumarikoppaDear

    Tue, Aug 10 2021

    Dear sr Judy thank you very much for your wonderful article. Trusting each other in marriage life is very important. You have brought it very meaningfully, so all of us can understand why we need to trust each other. If there is trust we can face any difficult situation of our life. Your thoughts and wish article inspires all us have this buatifull virtu in our life. Thank you once again for this article

  • Rony Nawal, Thottam

    Tue, Aug 10 2021

    This is such an inspiring article, sr. Judy! Wonderfully written and spreads a beautiful message to a couple and shows how a husband and wife should love one and another despite their indifferences. Hope to see more of your works out there. Rony Nawal

  • Latha, Bangalore /Mangalore

    Tue, Aug 10 2021

    Dear sr. Judy, very excellent article . Love, trust and postive vibration well explained. May all the families enlighten by this article to have strong relationship with husband and wife. God bless you.

  • Veena, Mumbai

    Tue, Aug 10 2021

    Dear sr. Judy, well done article. Each and every paragraph is inspiring words are connected, which is helping us to motivate relationship between husband and wife. Husband wife relationship is very much important to give good example of their children. Secondly Sending positive vibrations is most important thing you can do towards your partner so that you can have healthy relationship.

  • Fr Vincent D Souza, Capuchin, Mogarnad

    Tue, Aug 10 2021

    Dear Sr Dr Judy, I really appreciate you for this well written article on the title "Love without Trust is an empty Pot". You have highlighted trust in married and family life. It's a constructive article which is beneficial for the growth of a good family. The practical guidelines are affirmative for better family life. Thanks a lot Sr Jude.

  • Asha Monteiro, Ukkinadka, Kasaragod

    Mon, Aug 09 2021

    Sr. Judy very helpful article . Rightly mentioned Positive vibrations will heal the relationships. Thank you for making aware of this.

  • Jason, Thottam

    Mon, Aug 09 2021

    Dear sr. Judy congratulations for your wonderful article. May God bless you for all the good work you do it for the society.

  • Laveena, Bantwal

    Mon, Aug 09 2021

    Wow.......very much inspiring article sister ,each word motivates to lead better married life.Thank you and God Bless your mission.

  • Ivan Saldanha, Mangalore

    Mon, Aug 09 2021

    Must be noted as a very revealing and constructive article in the present scenario of stress and trust deficit in families and marriage. Well worth an attentive read from a well versed and experienced Councillor. Thank you Ma'am.

  • Sameer Sequeira, Mangalore

    Mon, Aug 09 2021

    Dear Sr, Congratulations!!! Nice article , Well written.Hope Trust and Faith helps us all bond well in peace.


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