It’s not Your Fault

August 4, 2021

It’s not Your Fault

Silently when the night turns dark, she gazes though the sky and begins to search.
Her eyes roll up and down and people begin to wonder why,
After a brief moment of silence, they realize
It’s her little Babe in the sky she looks for.
The one who barely survived in her womb for months,
But will remain in the corner of her heart forever.

She wipes her tears and smiles and sits with her family and looks all fine.
They knew it was hard for her and begin to murmur, Why God Why?
When days drifts into months, her heart begins to settle and so does her mind.
She begins to gather the broken pieces
And take a step to stride ahead.

Once again there is laughter and fun
There is joy but, in her heart, somewhere she struggled with the burden of guilt and pondered Why?
Was she not good enough to carry her babe,
When she saw other mothers carrying around their children proudly?

Months passed into years and once again her heart yearned for a little babe.
And as an answer to her prayer
Her womb was blessed again.
She was excited and happy, so was her spouse and family
As words of caution began to flow from everywhere,
She minded her thoughts and words and decided for this little one she would give her best.

Months began to pass, and her hopes swelled
She knew this time it was all well
She began to dream about the days ahead and could not wait to hold her little one in her arms
Every day she whispered a prayer

Then like a blast of tornado
Her stomach began to swirl
And she cried aloud in pain
And within few hours once again her little one was dead.

Her world came crashing down and so were her senses
She began to wonder what she had done to deserve this.
Was it all her fault?


Two of her little babies had bidden goodbye even before a gentle hello.
She could not even hold them in her arms
Or proudly spell out their names.
She thought it was the end and she longed for no new beginning.

Family stood by her
And her husband gently cared.
But who could heal the bruises in her heart and the hope she had lost?

Slowly people began to point fingers
And some of their words were louder than the thunder.
Day and night, she cried and wondered why?

She looked for comfort in different ways, but alas the pain in her heart was spread.
Near and dear ones said it was just a fetus
But she knew they were more than part of her uterus.

She began to seek the Almighty and began to look around
And that’s when she realized no, she was not the only one
She began to understand many around her had lost their little ones in the womb
But chose to remain quiet and swallow the pain.
That’s when she realized staying quiet was no one’s gain.
Because it was never their fault.

She combed her hair and washed her face
She knelt down and sought God’s grace.
And stepped outside with faith.

Miscarrying was not her choice
But it was part of a devil’s plan.
Blaming herself would do no good
And she decided to face.

She spoke loudly about losing her babe
And told to the world she was still a mom
No matter the months she carried her babies in her womb
She was still privileged to carry and love them.

She decided to live again, with joy and hope.
She knew her God was all powerful and one day her home and her heart would be full.
Her tears she wiped forever
To her despair she bid farewell
With friends and family, she began to mingle
And her smile began to sparkle.

She knew it was not the end
And decided to enter a new door
She knew being a mother had nothing to do with what is seen
But was about what is felt

Today she lives with hope and faith
Hope for a beautiful future ahead.
She stands by those who have gone through her pain
And shows them it’s not the end.

Once in a while she stills looks up at the sky
Plants invisible kisses on the cheeks of her little boys
And smiles with tears in her eyes.
Hoping to meet them one day
And hold them tight.



Losing a child can be a traumatic experience. Many women around us lose their little ones in womb and remain remorseful and at times remain dejected. It is estimated that every 1 in 4 women undergo miscarriage, which can be rather daunting experience to mom and the entire family. But it is not over until God says its over. Nothing is impossible to God Almighty, the emptiness will be filled by God in his own time, all we have to do is remain in faith and rely on him. Above all, a mother who loses her child must remember it is not her fault and must learn to live life and move ahead with hope in heart.

This is a small poem dedicated to those women, reminding you that you are loved and God will bless your womb in his own time with a most precious and beautiful child.

 

 

By Sonal Lobo
Sonal Lobo, born and bought up in Bengaluru, is a postgraduate in commerce from Christ University, Bengaluru. She has been writing from the age of 10. Her writings have been published in a number of publications of repute. She has published two books 'Thoughts Sublime' and 'Whistling Words' both collection of poems and also contributed in various anthologies. Currently she is working as an HR counsellor in Bengaluru. You can reach her at sonal_chocolate@yahoo.co.in
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Comment on this article

  • Suman, Puttur

    Sun, Aug 08 2021

    Lovely. I don't usually read the articles, but somehow I glanced through this and loved it.

  • Raymond, Bangalore

    Sun, Aug 08 2021

    Very good article Sonal. Liked the way you have progressed in your writing, from a slightly lower note to building up the hope level. I have heard many people say, why do people share their sad stories. But I feel it's important to tell others that what's happening with them is not new, it's happened to someone else too. It's not an end and there is hope for something beautiful to happen. Good writing.

  • Usha Krishna Yadav, Auckland

    Sun, Aug 08 2021

    Beautifully scripted 👏👏❤ one day you are going to be an amazing mother and your husband along will be a great father 😊.

  • Christopher, UAE

    Sat, Aug 07 2021

    Nice one 👍

  • Franco Carlos, Mangalore

    Sat, Aug 07 2021

    Read this twice. When I read first , I thought why would anyone want to share about something sad but eventually I realized this was needed. Today's world we are sharing only about things which went well and not about that which went wrong. It is important to know that after every dark cloud there is a bright day. Ms Sonal Lobo you have shared that bitter experience but did not end it on a sad note but you have uplifted the whole scene with encouraging message. I recommend this to everyone who have gone through a disturbing event, it's not an end but when we allow God it turns to become a beautiful journey.

  • Smitha, Ontario

    Sat, Aug 07 2021

    Very well penned. Not usually fan of poetry, but this was beautiful. Really appreciate the efforts you took to pen it down in simple words. Enjoyed reading.

  • Reema Furtado, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 07 2021

    Yeah beautiful writer, everytime I see your picture in the special column I jump to read your write up, they are always simple, subtle and holds a strong message. As usual this was another beautiful piece. Waiting to read more

  • Avinash, UAE

    Sat, Aug 07 2021

    Nice one Sonal. Can totally relate as my wife underwent miscarriages and it was devastating, but like you said it's not over until God says. Today we are blessed with beautiful children.. We need writers to write on topics which are sensitive but much needed. Looking forward

  • Deepti, Mangalore

    Sat, Aug 07 2021

    Beautiful ❤️❤️❤️ I had tears when I read this. Kudos to the writer.

  • Ivan, Barebail\Mississauga

    Sat, Aug 07 2021

    Hi Sonu.... again a master piece of your feelings. As you rightly said God always has a plan and sometimes, it is very difficult to understand what they are? Keep your hope and faith high and you will find the peace and happiness you so rightly deserve. Trust in HIM. God bless you.

  • gunasheela shekar, Bangalore

    Fri, Aug 06 2021

    It's very beautiful and heart touching mam❤

  • Charles, Bangalore

    Fri, Aug 06 2021

    Touched by this write up. Beautifully written

  • Vidhya, Bangalore

    Fri, Aug 06 2021

    "She knew being a mother had nothing to do with what is seen but what is felt" Beautiful and powerful lines, Sonu!! You have expressed so many emotions in this poem. Another masterpiece!! ❤️

  • Avil, UAE/Mangalore

    Fri, Aug 06 2021

    Another masterpiece. This writing is filled with hope, I see sorrow but something constructive and a pain that's manifested into strength. Beautiful way of expressing. Do write more often, love to read your articles.

  • Amruta, Bangalore

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    It's a very touching one Sonu, we love you 🥰😘

  • Martha, Mumbai

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    You have beautifully sensitised the readers through subtle and simple words. Wonderful

  • Tharannum, Bangalore

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    Very well written Sonal. You inspire people to have faith and hope.

  • Santhosh, Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    Very well written sonal. Good one

  • Ashwini R, Bangalore

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    Sonal beautiful re. This is one of the best works of yours I would say...it emotes lot of positivity, faith, hope, believe, love. Keep writing re . Your pen can do wonders to the world. May god bless you abundantly with success and all that your heart desires. Proud, yet again to call you my friend. Kudos to the best writer Sonal Lobo

  • Ashwini, Bangalore

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    Sonal, just can't express how inspiring you are.... This poem is the best one emoting so much positivity,hope, faith, believe and love. Keep writing re. Your pen can do wonders to the world. Stand strong and keep moving. Your the best mommy for a kid. May God bless you abundantly with success and all that your heart desires. Proud, yet again to call you my friend. Kudos to the best writer Sonal Lobo

  • Karen, Mumbai/Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    Beautifully expressed Sonal. What you said is right, many times women dont share what they have gone through and crib in their hearts. Also I like the fact that you have bought in the aspect of God. Many times we fail to acknowledge the power of God and simply rely on worldly validations. We must always remember nothing is impossible to God and does not disappoint those who trust in him. Beautiful. I really like the way you articulate. Way to go dear girl.

  • Priya lobo, Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    This is so beautiful jotted down every line a reality for many. Hope these lines comfort many hearts and bless many homes. Wonderfully written Sonu.Keep shining

  • John, Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    But a ray of hope for childless couples as per many miracle testimonies received by Gifted and Anointed Priest Fr Dr Jose Vettiyankal of Logos Retreat Centre, Bangalore who conducts free online healing prayer service everyday between 15:00 to 16:30 for all faiths. Also he blesses the Holy Oil, Water, salt for healing, online. Following video of previous service... (Northern India by Indian Prophet Bajinder Singh, Thursday evening online and Sunday services) https://youtube.com/watch?v=Lu1gjV_zJoE

  • Rita, Germany

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    Dear Sonal ,you have very well explained your pain .True ,it is not your or anyones fault.I could feel the pain you went through in between the lines.Dont take it too much to heart I knw it is very easy to say for others..God knows very well your wishes and pain .Have faith in him.There are sooo many women like you this pain gone through .some even seven times.Just please dont think over it always about it and dont spoil your health,which doesnt bring anything.Instead divert your mind ,think that your partner too is worrying more than you?Think there are children who never had a chance to be with their mum,who lost their lives .May be it is worth visit once one of this children ,show your love ,who live inhomes .Make them happy once in their lives.That may bring smile on their faces.Dont loose hopes .May lordbe with you .There may appear a star in sky ,let it shine and give you hopes.

  • Lloyd, Udipi/ UK

    Thu, Aug 05 2021

    Sonal Tennyson? It's not your fault - that you are so thoughtful.


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