Children Need to Build up Good Friendships

January 5, 2021

My dear children,

All of us know that you need good friends. We also know that you will have always friends with you, but the question that concerns us - the parents and teachers - is whether you are surrounded with good friends. Let me provide here some guidelines for you, as to how you can build up friendship with good people.


One thing is certain, that life becomes joyful and meaningful to you when friends are around you. Due to the pandemic these days you are isolated and compelled to stay at home. The loss of friends could be very painful to some of you. We shall hope that you will be soon back in the school, and then you can again start interacting with your friends as school is the best place to meet friends and enjoy their company. School is also the best place to build up and strengthen friendships. Some of you certainly have wonderful talent to build up friendships, but some may not have it. But all can learn to win friends. Here you find some tips to build good friendships and hold on to them lifelong.

What is Friendship?

I am a counsellor, and sometimes children come to me and tell me, so and so is their ‘best friend’. They assert, “I like him very much. I have lot of trust in him, I tell him everything about me and he also tells me everything about him. Even all my secrets he knows and his I know”. How this is possible? Because both of them have accepted each other wholeheartedly, both of them appreciate each other as they are. Friendship means accepting someone in my life. The more number of people you accept into your life, more friends you will have. The deeper you accept another person into your life, stronger will be the bonds of your friendship. You will experience for yourself that your friendship is reciprocated in an equal measure. Thus the trust between you and your friends grows and deepens. Mutual acceptance and mutual trust are the two sides of the same coin. Either both grow or both dwindle as the days go on. So the question arises how can I win friends and how can I hold on to them and never lose them. For this the basic dynamics of friendship are to be followed.

Please note the following points to stabilise friendships and make your friends trust you and remain with you as friends.

Guidelines for good friendship

First, for all human persons their name is the sweet sound they would like to hear always. Many times we use nicknames. Sometimes people do not like nicknames, they resent very much when they are addressed with nickname. So be very careful while using nicknames. Always make a habit to learn the names of all your friends and to pronounce them correctly. Just ask yourself, whether you know the names of all your classmates and whether you can pronounce them correctly. Your classmates will be your companions for several years. You should make it a point to learn the names of all your classmates and remember them and address them respectfully. Never offend anyone by addressing the name in a disrespectful manner. Remember every friend is precious to you. You can never afford to lose them.

Secondly, learn to smile. As soon as you reach school first thing you can do is to smile at every body. Smile radiates joy and happiness. Smile attracts others. In the school you should smile at every one. The teachers will be happy when you smile at them respectfully. Boys should show dignity when they smile at the girls and similarly the girls should learn to smile modestly.

Thirdly, if you wish to win friends, you should mind your speech. There is a friendly way of speaking. There is also a rude way of speaking. Which one you prefer? Certainly, you can crack jokes, you can be jovial, but you should not become mean and vulgar in your speech. Always appreciate others, respect others and honour others in your speech. Never desire to pain and offend others in your speech. In case you committed a blunder in your speech, immediately say sorry and excuse yourselves. Sometime words are sharper than the swords, you can destroy the good reputation of others and spoil their good name by your words. Such people can hardly win friends. You are creating enemies for yourselves by your bad words. So, cultivate good speech and you lose nothing, but you will win friends and appreciation from all.

Fourthly, some people have bad habits of quarrelling and fighting. It can be in words or even through gestures. Sometimes you may not like what others say and do. Let us gently express our displeasure. In discussions and in groups do not hold on to your own opinion stubbornly. This may lead to heated arguments. Make a habit of listening. If you are convinced that other person is wrong, then tell him that you do not agree with him or with his opinion. As you grow up you will learn to speak on serious topics. Even if the topic is serious, you need not accept everything what others say. But as far as possible avoid quarrels and arguments.

Still worse, is the fight!! Boys often fight and girls often quarrel, may be through arguments. Fighting could be out of anger. Then things may go out of control. All this is bound to destroy friendships. If you want to win friends, you should cultivate good manners, which manifest in your behaviour and in your words. Good manners are learnt at home and in the school. If all learn good manners the fights and quarrels will be minimum. Learn good manners with diligence and spread the reputation of your school, and also of your family, through your conduct, and through the way you relate with others.

Fifthly, what should be the quality of friendship between boys and girls? At home brothers and sisters grow up together and parents teach them how they should relate with each other, namely with love, with respect and with reverence. The relationship between brother and sister is the model for all heterosexual friendships. School is the ideal place to build up heterosexual friendships, because in every class there will be both girls and boys. You can speak freely, and discuss openly your lessons and your assignments. You can also play and have fun with each other, and thus learn to relate with each other with respect and dignity. This is the best way to grow in your personality and later on to live in society as a good citizen. Let all your heterosexual interactions be in the open and in a frank manner. This will help you to become mature in your relationships.

Dear Students, please know, building up friendships means, building up your personality and also your future. You know the saying ‘A friend in need, is a friend indeed’. So have friends, as many as possible, so that they will come to your rescue when you are in need. In your school you have innumerable opportunities to get friends and to grow in wisdom and maturity. Spread the good news of creative ideas and plans with your friends. You will be remembered by your friends for many more years.

As a lamp radiates light, you be a lamp radiating joy and happiness of good friendship. Come to school every day with a bright smile, greet every one, say ‘Good Morning, Hi, Hello’ to everyone. Do not forget to greet your teachers. Every day is a new day that brings new opportunities to propagate cheer and mirth, to help your friends in need, to encourage them when they are sad, to comfort them when they are sorrowful, and to support them when they feel weak and helpless. Thus you can be an angel of peace and joy in the campus.


To conclude, let me say something regarding “bad–friendships”. What makes a friendship bad? It is the purpose. Why you go along with your friends? To do good or to do bad? To help others or to do harm to others? If you join your friends just to harm others, to bring damage to the good reputation of others, to create enmity or to plan something evil, then, such friendships are bad. Never join with your friends to plan or to do anything evil. Firmly resolve that you avoid persons who speak evil about others and who plan to do harm to others. On the other hand you inspire others to do good, to help, to support, to encourage and to appreciate others. Then friendships will build up your personality and make you a better person in society.




By Sr Dr Judy Lewis
Sr Dr Judy Lewis UFS is a clinical psychologist and counsellor.
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Comment on this article

  • Daniel, Thottam/Udupi

    Sat, Jan 09 2021

    Good article. Children learn to Build up Good Friendships

  • Anitha, Mangalore

    Thu, Jan 07 2021

    Dear Dr. Sr.Judy
    Very well explained the Article. We need to build up good friendship. Trust between friends is very much essential then only friendship grows and deepens or fall off .

  • Elvita, Mangalore

    Thu, Jan 07 2021

    well explained article sister. I wish children read this article for better understanding of friendship. Congratulations. Hope we will have another article soon

  • Alwyn, Mangalore

    Thu, Jan 07 2021

    Good writing.. Parents and children please read this article and be disciplined.

  • Ani, Mangalore

    Wed, Jan 06 2021

    Dear Sr Judy
    Very good and inspiring article felt happy to read .

  • Ani, Mangalore

    Wed, Jan 06 2021

    Dear Sr Judy
    Very good and inspiring article felt happy to read .

  • Same, Kuwait.

    Wed, Jan 06 2021

    Dear Sister, Thank you for your beautiful article.

  • Shanthi, Mumbai

    Wed, Jan 06 2021

    Nice that children will read this article.

  • Jason, Udupi/ Thottam

    Wed, Jan 06 2021

    You have nicely explained about what is Friendship.

  • Laveena D’souza, Bantwal

    Tue, Jan 05 2021

    Mind blowing article sister , it helps us all to select friends and go on.

  • Veera, Israel

    Tue, Jan 05 2021

    Beautifully written article . Thank you sis.

  • Priyanka Dsouza, Pangla/ Muscat

    Tue, Jan 05 2021

    Dear Sr.
    Beautifully written article !
    You have nicely explained the concept of friendship.

  • Fr Richard Mascarenhas SJ, Puttur/Bidar

    Tue, Jan 05 2021

    Once again a well written article on Good Friendships for children (could be for all) by Sr Dr Judy UFS. It's a timely and aptly written article with clear explanation to have good friends in life. I hope and pray that our children get an opportunity to go through this article and benefit from it. Congratulations Sr Judy.

  • veena Maria, Israel

    Tue, Jan 05 2021

    Dear Dr Sr Judy, very nice article, well explained.

  • Fr Vincent D Souza, Capuchin, Mogarnad

    Tue, Jan 05 2021

    Dear Dr Sr Judy, very nice article. You have nicely explained about what is Friendship and have given guidelines for friendship. One needs discernment to choose good Friends. The above article is beneficial to the children, youth and the parents. Thanks Sr for enlightening the readers through this article.

  • Lancy, Mangalore

    Tue, Jan 05 2021

    Very excellent article for children.

  • Sameer, Mangalore

    Tue, Jan 05 2021

    Oh Sr, Great writing. Nice that children will read this and be disciplined. The parents too must be happy. For me as a Fr see most children these days have no respect for elderly. Keep writing. Congratulations!!! And God bless

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