Raise your Sons to be Gentlemen

January 20, 2020

A new breakthrough in what we want in men and have to teach our boys is to have an open heart. The old-style man kept his feelings bottled up, only to explode when he was drunk or as things got overloaded. The worldwide prevalence of male violence towards women has recently become disturbingly evident. Why is it always linked to sex? Time for us to question ourselves, do we have a different set of rules for raising a son and daughter?

Indian parents unconsciously accept the gender stereotypes and restrictions. Quite often we keep a blue theme for boys and pink for girls on special occasions. Are we promoting gender inequality? I feel as parents we have failed in raising our sons as independent men.

All parents are happy to raise their daughters as independent women. We feel so proud when our daughter grows up, finds a job for herself, cooks for herself and others etc. But, are we ignorant about our sons? What are we teaching them? In our quest to uplift women, we have concentrated our focus only on women-how to educate them better, how to make them independent, how to ensure that they can survive without the help of any man. All these things are absolutely right and need to be done. But we need to educate our sons also rightly. Parents of boys should inculcate in them the concept of respecting human beings. They should be made to understand at a young age that they cannot touch somebody without their permission or pass personal comments. If this idea is cultivated early in a boy, he will never
ill-treat a woman.

As parents, we have a responsibility of raising a generation of braver and more respectful men than before. Parents must keep a check on the media. Many TV shows and movies portray women as weak subjects who forever need rescuing. Stop saying 'You know how boys are' or 'boys will be boys' or justifying rude and irresponsible behavior. Teach them to express their emotions freely. The mechanism of crying is fairly similar, regardless of gender. If your son is crying, give him a hug and appreciate his sensitivity. Encouraging boys to talk about their feelings and discussing their dilemmas will make them stronger men, not weaker. They will be more sorted and never see them as very different from women. Must make a mention, there are a few responsible sons who help in household chores and are better in delivering their duties towards women.

The new understanding of boyhood and the better kind of man we can create is going to change our world. I think if we start to raise boys and girls the same, then we would eliminate sexism. Same toys, same games, it would be a worthy and admirable effort. Teach your son and daughter to cook together, so that in future when the need arises they can manage themselves. As a society, we must create a man as a stronger person, more capable of dealing with problems or troubles, when it arises.

All men are influenced by their upbringing influence and social environment. Sadly sexual assault and abuse has become very common. The celebrities, politicians and other well-known men still continue to harm women. It is an important but fragile moment. The media’s coverage of sexual harassment and assault appears to be a turning point. But, for real change to happen we all need to change and restructure the cultural beliefs that we have internalized consciously or not. Let us empower men to behave well with empowered women.


By Vinet D'Souza
Vinet D’Souza resides in Manipal and works as a lecturer at St Cecily's PU College, Udupi. A lecturer by profession and writer by passion, her articles have been published in Daijiworld Weekly and other magazines.
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Comment on this article

  • ANIL MENDONCA, Kunthalnagar / Mumbai IC Colony

    Thu, Feb 06 2020

    Dear Vinet,

    I am impressed reading your article. Well thought and your article expressed how important parenting in current generation.
    Thanks for writing such beautiful article
    Keep writing....

  • Gabriel Lewis, Brahmavar

    Sat, Feb 01 2020

    What about the daughters then !! ?? 😳😳

  • Bharat, Owned by self/spouse

    Thu, Jan 30 2020

    Good Day Vinet,
    Nice article and i agree totally..................Keep writing more good ones.
    Thanks in advance

    Bharat Bhushan
    Urwa,Ashok Nagar,

  • Joe Gonsalves, Mangalore

    Mon, Jan 27 2020

    Madam Vinet D'Souza..... I am happy to go through your article about bringing up male children in the family.

    I agree with you that boys as they grow up need more attention than the girls. I agree with your views some reservations. It is my feeling that both boys and girls need equal attention as they grow up. They have to turn out to be perfect gentlemen and fine young ladies.

    Kind care loving attention and understanding should be the qualities of the parents. A mother no doubt generally spends a lot more time with the children. However a father should also devote a lot of time and attention to the children as they grow up.

  • Steevan, Mangalore

    Sun, Jan 26 2020

    Specially every parents should go through this article, well written Vinet

  • Clevin Leon Miranda, Mangalore

    Fri, Jan 24 2020

    Hey dear vinet, I am reading ur first article.. I liked it so much dear...in my life I read jokes and all.. but article frist is read it.. so it's good.. so nice it is.. all the best.. continue writing more.. and also glad to be frnd with u.. God bless u

  • Jossey Saldanha, Mumbai

    Fri, Jan 24 2020

    Makes sense ...

  • Lily Grace D Silva, Mumbai

    Thu, Jan 23 2020

    Very good article and I appreciate for publishing here. I do not have sons and I have two daughters whom I brought up very well. Bringing up sons and daughters to be the same . They need to be trained in every area of life , right from the childhood. Further, being a friend to them is very important. Once the child find confidence with parents, specially with the mother, I assure you that there will be good communication and children will tell you everything to get your advise, correction and encouragement.

  • A. J D'costa, Mulky / B'bay

    Wed, Jan 22 2020

    Nice write up... God Bless You..

  • Sri Tom Cat, Mangalore,

    Wed, Jan 22 2020

    Well written and right but practically the law protects women to be wild and accuse and demonize gentlemen into brutal animals even if he not.

    Even NGO's help women to caste gentlemen as abdominal creatures.

    My neighbor the wife beats the husband and shouts and neighbors think it husband beating wife and it is going on for years. The man happens to be a senior manager in a bank.

    Women require to taught to be ladies and how to run a family in every circumstance.

  • J.F D SOUZA, Attavar, Mangalore

    Tue, Jan 21 2020

    Very nice article meant for todays generation specially boys. Though Gentleman word is there very rarely we see gentlemen natured boys and young men. In kannada there is a saying "Maneye Paatashaale" secondly teachers who can mould the boys to such extent. If Home people/parents are good behave properly then such an atmosphere will create an impact of our children. Its not so easy to have our sons to become gentlemen. Bad companionship/friends also spoils the boys( Sons). By coaxing to sons also the quality of gentlemanship not come. They themselves have to acquire such qualities by looking at others. there are many factors concerning to this type of character.

  • John B. Monteiro, Bondel Mangalore

    Tue, Jan 21 2020

    Very crisp, timely and relevant but not preachy. I think more such sharply targeted advice is welcome.

  • Ashok Thonse, Kallianpur/Dubai

    Tue, Jan 21 2020

    Dear Vinet,

    Your article is very nice .

    Being a father of twin boys I agree with your thoughts. Our behavior, talk, attitude etc will definitely will affect the future of our kids.

    Ashok Thonse

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