Yes. I am Not Pregnant.

August 10, 2018

Yes. I am not Pregnant.

The Lullabies, the little cries.
The sleepless nights and tired eyes.
The little fingers I hold
Gives me a strength untold.
My little Baby you are all that I dreamt of
You are all that people asked for.
You are my magic.
My little Angel.

Being a mother, they say is the most beautiful experience and God’s divine blessing. Every woman at some point of her life wishes to cuddle the piece of her womb in her arms and forget the world. Motherhood, being a heavenly bliss turns out hellish for some and knowingly or unknowingly, all of us are a part of this.

Immediately after a couple enters their wedlock the first question all of us want to ask is, when you are going to announce the big news. Yes, I agree a baby’s arrival is a big news, but don’t you think as a couple they would have many more other things to announce? Their first trip together, their first house together, their success as a couple, their love, their achievements. All these are sidelined and a beautiful journey of becoming a mother is turned into a battlefield comparing it with other couples who have begun to run the race of marriage.

In any marriage the first blame is put on the girl if there is a delay in pregnancy. The household and the society do not even bother to understand that the well-being of both the partners is important for conception and not just that of the girl. All the expectations and pressures are on the lady making her feel miserable and guilty.

Probably the lady you are forcing to conceive may have lost her babies to miscarriages multiple times. Maybe she has visited the best doctors and tried out all medicines. Is it her mistake that she is not able to bear a child?

Probably the young girl you are taunting everyday asking for good news, may have lost her first child and is still in trauma trying to recover the loss. Is it wrong if she is taking some time to recover herself physically, mentally and emotionally?

Probably the lady you are pestering to go and visit the doctor may have no problems and maybe she is hiding the fact that there are issues with her husband who is not ready to get himself tested and she is suffering quietly to not let her husband down.

That lady who has a special child and whom you are constantly asking to bear another child, may not be ready. She might have decided to dedicate her life for her special angel or she may be facing fears which she never talks to you about.

That newly married couple whom you have given a time line of one year to bear a child, may have just begun their careers and have started earning. Maybe they want to take some time not to enjoy their life, but to gain some financial stability so that they can take care of their little ones when they arrive.

That lady you laugh at for not bearing a child may have had battled a dreaded disease. She might have lost her womb or her reproductive organs to a deadly disease which she never prayed for.

That lady about whom you constantly gossip about may have had a traumatic past. She may have been abused and on her own will wished not to bear a child in order to save it from the abuse and ordeal.

It so easy for the society to demand for a baby, but have they been sensitive enough to understand that it takes time? For some, it happens immediately and for others, it does take time. Elders today tend to generalize and say that this generation wants to enjoy life and are not ready to take the responsibility of a kid. It may be true in a few cases, but it is definitely not right to put all the young couple in the same basket. Above all embracing parenthood is a decision that must be taken by couple but why is it been made a traumatic experience for so many!

Many times, blinded by the want for a child we fail to understand the trauma and pain a woman faces. The society in which we live, we blindly label a woman barren and make fun of her as being incomplete. Motherhood completes a woman but does being unable to bear a child make her any less a woman? We do not appreciate the fact that she is a wonderful wife, a dutiful daughter and a great daughter-in-law. We never acknowledge her talents and her career. At large, she is reduced to her ability to bear a child which is in no way justified.

A woman who is not able to conceive for a long time goes through traumatizing moments. She feels guilty of letting her parents and her parents in law down. She feels helpless when she sees her husband playing with other kids. She smiles when she is constantly compared to other women with babies. Every time she sees a baby, she imagines how it would be to have her own. Baby showers and pregnancy announcements make her scared. A woman goes through all this just because of the pressure we exert on her and nothing else.

Being in the same situation, I can totally understand how it is to not have an offspring of my own. After losing our first child due to miscarriage, the journey for my husband and I hasn’t been easy. Pressure, sarcasm and doubt in the eyes of family members does affect us and bury us. During all this I have realized that no matter what the society says, a little understanding and help from the family members can make a huge difference.

Once on being questioned for not conceiving and was feeling low, I was really touched by what my husband said, and it changed my entire outlook towards my situation. My husband gently told me that children are God’s gift and he would give us only if he feels we are ready for it. He promptly told me if God wishes that we should not bear a child, let’s stay so and if God wishes to bless us with a child, let us accept it with an open heart and mind.

As a parent, parent-in-law, or friend, or family, the best thing we can do for couples who are waiting to conceive is not to ask them when they would give the good news but rather gently tell them there will be good news and let us wait. This change of sentence can bring in so much relief to a couple and also boost their hope of becoming parents. Let us stop judging couples without kids but understand them, stand by them and help them in their journey to conceive. Let’s take a step further and learn to appreciate a woman for all her other qualities and not only for her ability to bear a child. By doing so, you would be sprinkling a ray of hope and faith in someone’s life.

Above all, let’s not forget the fact that God has decided everything beforehand. Let us give a chance to God to execute his timetable in our life and not force God to work according to our timelines. Probably then there will be peace and happiness.

By Sonal Lobo
Sonal Lobo, born and bought up in Bengaluru, is a post graduate in commerce from Christ University, Bengaluru. She has been writing from the age of 10. Her writings have been published in in a number of publications of repute. She has published two books 'Thoughts Sublime' and 'Whistling Words' both collection of poems and also contributed in various anthologies. Currently she is working as an HR counsellor in Bengaluru. You can reach her at
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Comment on this article

  • Ashwini, Bangalore

    Fri, Apr 26 2019

    So proud of you !!! What an articulation.. One of your best article I would say.

  • Avin, Mumbai

    Sat, Oct 27 2018

    Dear Miss Writer, came accross your writing accidentally while searching for something in web and must say after reading your write ups I am totally impressed by your style of expression. The simplicity in your writings are amazing especially the above one. I feel women who are capable of putting accross a message through various forms must take a stand and speak out on behalf of other women. I have seen in my sourrounding the trauma a childless couple have to bear and hardly anyone expresses. Kudos to your powerful writing and you have proved any writing can touch a readers heart even without fancy words and anecdotes. Waiting eagerly for your next article.

  • Usha Yadav, Auckland

    Thu, Aug 30 2018

    You are such an amazing writer .. god bless u with lots of love n good time ahead.

  • Deepthi, Alpharetta

    Wed, Aug 29 2018

    Dear Sonal,

    Well said and portrayed... I loved your article .. really Beautiful. I totally agree with ur Article. :) And I too believe with God's Plan and timings. :) Keep going with ur articles. All The Best. :) God Bless You Dear. :)

  • Karen, Bangalore

    Tue, Aug 21 2018

    What an amazing article. Beautifully articulated, simple yet conveys varied emotions. Different experiences of different women are subtly yet powerfully explained.

    Sonal must say that your writing skills are truly exceptional.

    I have tried reading all your articles and poems out of personal interest and must say you have proved that any piece of writing can be wonderful even after using simple language and daily experiences.

    Wish you loads of success and I wish to see many more articles from you in this portal.

  • Joseph Naveen, Mangalore/Bangalore

    Thu, Aug 16 2018

    Sometimes article such these awaken us and gives us the perspective of a woman that we as men fail to understand. Thanks.

  • LB, Mumbai

    Thu, Aug 16 2018

    Kudos to you Sonal...One of the most heartwarming write ups I have read here...I can understand and we are going through it daily and left it as God's will. Thank GOD for our supporting Parents, Sisters, Inlaws, Kids and all our loved ones who can understand the situation...though tough with the surroundings and society we live in...wonder why we feel this way..and yes our Nieces and Nephews are as much as our kids..just go out and enjoy someone said childfree...GOD Bless All.

  • Vinod, Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 16 2018

    Beautiful writing... the reality of our society.
    Having a child is not a perfect destination of marriage.
    Childless couples can be happy without a child. As said by Sonal there so many other achievements a person can have or prioritize.
    If they wish they can even adopt a child if they think that what completes them.. I understand thats a tough road ahead.
    The harsh society will not change. No point expecting that either.
    We can just change ourselves and be more accepting.. be more content with ourselves..
    End of the day its we who live our lives...the taunts.. the comments... the questions defines them not us.

  • Rajni Rajesh, Bangalore

    Thu, Aug 16 2018

    Hi Sonal
    Your artical made me melt down !! Tears rolled out and beautifully articulate the ordeal of women ,hope people will read and bring in changes hence forth ..
    Good luck all our prayers dear ..
    Keep writing and keep inspiring
    Love you loads!!

  • deepika baskaran, Bangalore

    Thu, Aug 16 2018

    Wow sonal. Wat powerful words. Amazingly put up. Yes completely agree with what ever you have said. I wish you all the good luck to bring out such beautiful articles in future as well. It has created a huge impact to the reader. Thanks for that. Proud of you dear.

  • Astrid, UAE

    Tue, Aug 14 2018

    I was amazed at the maturity of the writer for penning such beautiful and empathetic thoughts. Very few people can really understand what is happening in the society and even fewer individuals take efforts to spread awareness about it. Kudos to Sonal for doing so. I have witnessed this at large in my sorrounding and family but no one even thinks about it assuming it to be a mere routine. I hope all who read this may take a step towards being empathetic and not sympethatic. Many congratulations for writing so beautifully and looking forward for many more heart stirring articles.

  • Fatema, Bangalore

    Mon, Aug 13 2018

    Hey Sonal. First of all m glad and proud that u r a christide too and also from d same stream.. The article is so beautifully written and can relate to it cause m sailin in d same boat.. kudos

    Keep writing
    All d best dear

  • A A, Mangalore

    Mon, Aug 13 2018

    Thank you Sonal. Beautifully expressed. Being in a similar situation ,can very well relate to your feelings. Thankful to God for giving us loving supportive husbands..


    Mon, Aug 13 2018

    Beautiful Article!

  • steev, Udupi

    Mon, Aug 13 2018

    Dear Sonal,

    God bless you.
    What a beautiful article.
    I can relate this to my life. I felt as if you have written a story about our journey after marriage. I and my wife have gone through every bit of trauma explained in this article. Most of the harsh comments come from lady members of the family including in-laws close relatives from both sides, neighbors . These comments and taunts have drained us emotionally , physically and even financial when we were forced to go to certain doctors and hospitals.
    Again God bless you.

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Mon, Aug 13 2018

    I have read all of Sonal's articles.
    I remember commenting on one occasion that Sonal is beautiful....
    Now not only is Sonal beautiful her article here is the most sincere one I have come across in recent times. I am sure it will add to her Radiance.
    Read it many a times because many a times it's not easy to get into somebody else's shoes and see things from his/her perspective. The flow of the write up ,the outpouring in such simple words is truly amazing and must have been written in one go.
    I am a believer Sonal and one who has faith. I am a reader of scriptures too.
    Have read that "Rhunanubandena Patni, Suta ,Aalaya"...Meaning as I decipher it
    that you have a Wife, Progeny and House as per the dictates of fate ,destiny .
    Here you have alluded it to the will of God..True.
    It is also said in scriptures that you bear children per the law of Karma. The very own whom you call your children..may have been the ones whom you had owed much in your previous birth, fought with and having made their life miserable.
    You have settle all accounts before attaining Salvation.
    Therefore on the contra ...having no children is not a black dot ....but an affirmation of having a clean state owing nothing to anybody.
    Keep writing and reading Sonal....God bless.
    Ultimately nothing and even nobody matters.

  • Kenneth, Dubai

    Sun, Aug 12 2018

    Beautiful Write up.. Most of the women bear this and you have bought out the emotions wonderfully. I must appreciate you for your simple writing but with lots of power. Keep going. Looking forward for many articles from you.

  • Elroy, Mangalore/Dubai

    Sun, Aug 12 2018

    Dear Sonal,

    Very Well Framed .This i can relate to my life.Touched my Heart .

    God Bless you.

  • Augustine Daniel DSouza, Udupi Mumbai STATE OF KUWAIT.

    Sun, Aug 12 2018

    Sonal Lord Jesus Christ bless you.

  • anita britto, Auckland

    Sun, Aug 12 2018

    Beautiful, poignant article, Dear Sonal, which I hope will serve as an eye-opener to people before making thoughtless and insensitive comments to childless couples who wrestle with the pain of being denied the gift to give Life. Instead of being supportive they add to the stress that a couples struggles with by abusing and tormenting them with hurtful words. Comparisons and snide remarks while dealing with disenfranchised grief are unnecessary. Sadly, family and society do not realise the impact of their harsh words .

  • Ojaswi, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Hey Sonal, the title is a tough but interesting one. I liked the stigmas you have focussed on as it is certainly true. Write ups that push the dark clouds looming around women and pregnancy are the ones that need to be talked about. Loved your perspective! Keep writing!

  • Verina, Bombay

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Indeed written from your heart...Very nice...keep it up sonu...However nothing can help certain peoples understanding of a particular issue but let's hope a silent reading of this kind can give them a better insight of their behaviour and make them a better human being..Thank you for this write up....All the best!

  • Ivan, Mangalore/Canada

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Yet once again, a beautifully written article on women and pregnancy. This should open the eyes of men to reality, though in present world, progressive minded husband are well aware of these facts, accept the reality and play equally good role. Sonu, another inspiring master piece. May God bless you always.

  • Lancy Madtha, Valencia, Mangalore/Dubai-UAE.

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Congratulations dear Sonal.
    Very well portrayed in words. Wishing you success. May you come up with many more articles and write-ups.

    Lancy Madtha
    IFL Group Companies,
    Dubai, Jebel Ali, Abu Dhabi,
    United Arab Emirates.

  • Veena, Dubai

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Beautifully written Sonu!!

    Very emotional and touching. God bless u my girl!!

  • Alisha, Mangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Loved it Sonal!! God bless!!

  • Zakeera, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Beautifully written sonal.. Except our family members and friends people from outside will be more worried about the pregnancy. This is common feeling most of the couples facing these days.yes, God has his own plans and definitely he would have planned something more beautiful for you.

  • Vidhya, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Very beautiful article, Sonal. You have articulated the emotions of a woman and a couple regarding parenthood. You have also given a good advice as to how the society can help make their lives a bit easier. Great job!!

  • Alisha, Mangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Beautiful article Sonal!! I truly agree with you!!

  • Santhosh, Bengaluru

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Very touching and very true. Great work my gal:-) Proud of u.

  • Dhivya, Bengaluru

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Well articulated Sonal. It's a touchy subject handled with so much care😍

  • Lynn, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Very well written Sonal.

  • Rachana, Bengaluru

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Awesome very well written, keep going gal !

  • Tharannum, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Very nice ☺️

  • Swathi, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Beautifully written Sonal... Really good one

  • Padma R, Bengaluru

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Amazing sonal... Really loved the way you written the harsh reality in such simple and amazing wa

  • CJ, Kerala

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Well written ji.. don't listen to others.. just smile... Because God is watching everyone... Everything happens for a gd reason... God has a plan for everyone... we have to pray... He will give us his blessings on right time...

  • Olivia, MANGALURU

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Beautiful article madam. I agree with every word you have written.

  • Nishant, Bengaluru

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    This is certainly going to inspire a lot of people.

  • Poornima, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Sonal, the unfolding of thoughts is touching, you said it right God has his set timetable....but people around are in a hurry to give verdicts . God bless

  • Vinnarasi, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Yes Sonal i agree with you for a women to be complete her motherhood men is also equally responsible. But unfortunately male chavenism society again created by women only blames their own community. When a day will come where women themselves understand that it is not her mistake.

  • Smitha, Bangalore

    Sat, Aug 11 2018

    Wow.. this is so beautifully framed Son.. Loved every emotion in every word.. I can relate to it very closely!!!

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