Meow...Woes of an Onionless Life

  •   Sat, Aug 29 2015
  •   By Richie John Pais

August 29, 2015


How could I hear the sound 'Meow' again and again from the front side of my house when the cat is always busy in the kitchen? And if at all my cat came to the front side and uttered ‘Meow’ for so long, my dog would not keep quiet. He is a dog after all.

Again I heard ‘Meow’ from the same side. The ‘Meow’ pronunciation was perfect. But it was not my cat that was doing it, but my dog. I was surprised to see the dog imitating the cat.

"Oh my dog, you have become a mimic!" I said.

"I am not mimicking. It’s only that I cannot utter….." My dog talked.

"Oh you are talking. That’s nice. Good news for me. I will become a hero. I will travel around the world as talking dog’s master."

"Every dog knows how to talk. But they do not talk because human beings talk like the dogs. So the dogs feel they need not talk at all. We dogs only talk among ourselves in our own language. And please never tell anybody that I talked."

"But why did you talk today?"

"I talked because you said I am mimicking. In fact I was not. Yes.. I can talk everything. But sadly my master, I can only say meow and not baaa…baaa…."

"Not baaa baaa my dog… It is bow wow. And why you cannot say bow wow? It’s your trademark after all."

"Yes I know….It is ba...ba.. No. I cannot say that because there is no onion in the food."

"What’s the relationship between onion and pronunciation? Why do I not have problems like you?"

"Your wife has stopped using onions in the food. And as usual animals get the problems first. Look at that cat which cannot say ‘meow’ now. Instead it says 'chinv chinv'. Every person and animal has some addiction. We all are addicted to onions in this house. When we do not consume what we are accustomed to, we get withdrawal symptoms. Early or late, every person and animal will have these withdrawal symptoms though in different forms. So I can only say Meow, not ba ba."

"You are predicting that we human beings will also get problems?"

"Obviously. But I do not know what type of problems. Most probably you will become mad or will become the Chief Minister of Karnataka or the Prime Minister of India. Please bring onions Master.. It is too harsh on me."

"I do not think you are talking sense. Onions do not make such difference. My dear dog, onions are very expensive now. I feel ashamed to ask hundred grams of onions. One day onions will become as precious as gold. For every gram of gold, we will get fifty grams of onions as an offer. You are a dog. You do not know the value of money. I cannot bring onions. Be like my wife. She never demanded anything in life. She has been always cool. She never quarreled for things. As a dog, live like a dog. I do not have time for arguments. I want to go to a bar and enjoy a drink."

"I told you that you will become mad. You never drank. You see, onionless life is madness."

"Shut up and sleep like a dog in the corner."

"You never got angry. This is a confirmed case of onion deficiency disorder…."

My wife suddenly appeared with a knife in hand. She looked very angry.

"You never bought what I wanted. Yet I loved you and lived like an obedient wife. During all your difficulties I solaced you. May be that was because of onions. Now there have been no onions in our house for days. I will just kill you if you do not bring. I do not care about the price. I want onions at any cost." She shouted bringing the knife closer to me.

"I will bring right now" – I ran to the market.

When I reached back home with onions in a bag, my dog came closer to me and talked in a low voice.

"Master…. Now you know the greatness and importance of onions. Everyone becomes mad without them. If the price goes up and becomes unaffordable to all, people will act like madam did. Then only politicians will learn the lesson. Do not tell anybody that I talked. Nobody will believe you. Meow"

"Not Meow... bow wow" I said

"Onions have come. Let madam cook the food. Only after that ba ba…. Till that, only Meow"

My wife dropped the knife from her hand. She became sober and serene. She hugged me and said, "I love you as much as I love onions. Thank you."

 

Richie Pais Archives:

 

 
By Richie John Pais
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Comment on this article

  • Donald Roche, Mangalore one

    Sat, Aug 29 2015

    Hello Sir, Don't you have chickens -baby chickens ? Listen to them they say pio-pio or piyaw- piyaw as per your need. In India 'Need','Comfort'and 'Luxury' are sold at the same price are 'Onion', 'Petrol' and 'Beer'.
    We can't banish onion from the kitchen because the pleasure flies with it. Its presence lends color and enchantment to the most modest dishits absence reduces the rarest delicacy to hopeless insipidity and dinner(specially dukra mass) to despair.
    Reading RJP's humor gives us pleasure, lends smile on our face which increases our face value and also improves our health. Our smile may turn into modest laugh. Absence of humor (RJP's) reduces the rarest happiness to hopeless insipidity and reading to despair.
    "Happy is said to be the family which can eat Onions together."
    "Happy is said to be the family which can read RJP's Humor together."

  • Joseph F. Gonsalves, Bannur, Puttur, Mangalore

    Sat, Aug 29 2015

    Mogachya Richie John Pais,

    Thuvem Piyaw maathr dhaat, dhaat thaslyath. Pathal thaasuvmk kolanave. (only joking)

    Good writing keep it up.

  • Joseph F. Gonsalves, Bannur, Puttur / Mangalore

    Sat, Aug 29 2015

    No Bunion.
    Rupee Coin.
    Costly Onion.
    Come and Join.
    Girdle your Loin.
    MLC D’souza Ivon.
    Railway station Sion
    Divinely fight for Zion.

    ACCHHE DHIN AAGYE HAIM.....

    I quote my own comment to daijiworld a couple of years back:

    Joseph F. Gonsalves, Bannur, Puttur / Mangalore Saturday, January 29, 2011

    “When pealing the onion I was crying, now when I am buying the onion I am crying. .......

    Unquote.

  • CGS, Mangllurkar

    Sat, Aug 29 2015

    Onion deficiency disorder (ODD)! Climax is superb! No meow,bow,wow but only "Piyaw..Piyaw!" Jai RJP!Jai Piyaw!!


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