Suicide is Not an Option

February 15, 2014

Suicide is Not an Option

“Beware the ides of March” you cried when I tossed you up in the air
Your grubby hands you’d waive around with theatrical flair
And with a plastic dagger concealed beneath my vest
In sham pretence I’d stomp around and stab you in your chest
Teary eyed you'd look at me with utter disbelief
Saying “Et tu Brute “- your last words when death came like a thief
You loved being Julius Caesar - a role you played with zest
Your audience in raptures and thoroughly impressed
We clapped for you – Our Superstar – your Mum, your Dad and me
The three of us all soul mates who loved you tenderly
You were the apple of our eyes – Our Darling Little Sid
You taught me about being a Mum before I had a kid
Your Mum and Dad – my best of friends were filled with pride and joy
The day when you arrived in March – their cuddly baby boy
A tidal wave between our hearts connected you and me
A moment I will treasure until eternity
I watched you grow with sheer delight from baby boy to teen
Sharing every moment until you turned nineteen
Your first word and your first step – and even your first crush
When Mum teased you so lovingly and you tried not to blush
To know you was to love you – you made the whole world smile
Making people whom you met feel happy and worth while
All the kids hung out with you – saying you were super cool
The guys would ape you shamelessly and teenaged girls would drool
We thought your life was perfect and wished you thought so too
Or told us you were troubled for we didn’t have a clue
You did so well in school and sport and got on well with all
And nothing had prepared me for that much dreaded phone call
I heard Dad’s voice and knew at once that something wasn’t right
And what unfolded turned out to be one of our worst nights
Poor Mum was just beside herself with shock and guilt and grief
The thought that you would take your life filled her with disbelief

I went over the note you wrote a thousand times or more
And every time it wrenched my heart and something in me tore
I hate the word called Suicide – it always freaks me out
It makes me feel so paralysed, I want to scream and shout
Somehow I never saw the signs - I never heard you cry
You always seemed content and calm which made me wonder why
You chose to quit and leave us all in agony and pain
It made us feel frustrated – it drove us all insane
The thought of self-inflicted death is always such a blow
Impacting those you leave behind whose pain you’ll never know
I wish I hadn’t failed you and had just one more chance
I’m sure I would have saved you had I guessed in advance
Recounting all the talks we had I wondered what I missed
Did you try to tell me stuff I carelessly dismissed?
You had everything to live for – And no matter what I do
I can not bring you back to life – My one and only you
Dad had named you Siddhartha – A name he chose with pride
After Gautama Buddha – his Teacher and his Guide
You spoke about Nirvana like the enlightened one
But chose to go like Kurt Cobain when Life had just begun
I pulled myself together to comfort Mum & Dad
Pretending I was strong and tough though shattered and so sad
In what I can describe as - The unkindest cut of all
You chose to make your exit without a curtain call
The memory still haunts me despite the years gone by
And it hurts to write this stuff but I just have to try
To do this for each kid around and hope they change their mind
 And tell them of the living death of those they leave behind
You must have seen a blade of grass between the sidewalk cracks
Reaching out for nutrients in spite of all it lacks
It struggles hard to make it, it struggles to survive
It knows with sun and water, it might begin to thrive
No doubt it faces setbacks and it can not see the light
Unlike Judas Iscariot it seems to know what’s right
Despite not reading Walden it has faith in the seed
And knows that Thoreau’s essays are ones which all should read
The dark hole that engulfs you and the sea of drowning pain
Is one that will not last for long like clouds after the rain
If you’re feeling lost and low it always helps to talk
Don’t bottle up your feelings like a metamorphic rock

Life wont dish out all we want and often life’s not fair
What helps in darkest moments is the gift of faith and prayer
Call a crisis helpline or dial 9-1-1
Don’t give into despair – Life’s a race that can be won
With every fibre of my being I urge you not to quit
Free your mind from fettered chains and fight with all your grit
Life was gifted to you; it’s not for you to take
To end it so untimely is a choice you shouldn’t make
You are unique and special no matter how you feel
I promise you that things will change but give it time to heal
Your ties with Mother Earth are strong and something you shouldn’t sever
The world’s a better place with you – We need you more than ever.



Anita Britto Archives:



By Anita Britto, Auckland
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Comment on this article

  • Edward Barboza, Kanajar / Auckland

    Mon, Feb 24 2014

    Hi Anitha,
    Some moving and truthfully raw thoughts with a world of meaning and empathy. It was very impacting.

  • Joe Britto, Nakre/Bangalore

    Wed, Feb 19 2014

    Another amazing piece by our poetess!Keep going Anita.

    Today fast pace of life demands instant gratification and in a way youngsters are to be pitied as there are too many temptations along with endless gadgets. But yet there is generally a lack of contentment and wants & desires are endless . The slight disappointment will suffice for many who opt for a easy way out as they fail to see silver linings in the dark clouds of imaginary frustrations . This poem should be an inspiration to all, especially youngsters who dream the impossible and want things to happen yesterday and cannot wait for the morrow.

  • R.Bhandarkar, M'lore

    Tue, Feb 18 2014

    Dear Anitha
    Think it's a sheer coincidence that your poem has come after Valentine Days special by Nikki.However, it isn't a coincidence by any stretch
    of imagination that a heavy percentage of suicides today are related to Love Affairs. So much expectations are built up,so many dreams construed, that when shattered , the youngsters who fell in love (or so they thought)easily, fall out of life tragically.Therefore, youngsters at the outset should be taught how much life is 'worth' and not make it worthless by simply throwing it away.Expectations, ambitions are to be 'reined' in by parents themselves for starters,and youngsters in their initial stages of life should be nurtured gently but brought up on 'firm footing' without being allowed to build 'castles in the air' as it were.These crumble first and then easily take their architects along with them.Then there are the other varieties too which are prone, have hereditary tendencies and the like. Counseling then becomes a 'vital cog' in these matters.Think that something called the 'Golden Hour' too exists before an individual takes this extreme ,drastic step. Medical expertise is indeed needed to help in such cases.
    To sum up-Everyone feels the need to be 'wanted','appreciated' and 'pampered' during different 'walks of their life', if one can put it that way.It is that much difficult to get and something which is not
    in one's control.Its only those who can maintain an 'equilibrium' during these walks who pass out unscathed.

  • Lance D' Costa, Mangalore / Abu Dhabi

    Tue, Feb 18 2014

    A poem so nicely written...conveys a very touching message!

  • Pam Alvares, Mumbai

    Tue, Feb 18 2014

    Lovely well expressed. Can feel every emotion.

  • Jyoti Raj, Auckland, NZ

    Sun, Feb 16 2014

    Heart wrenching...but good that you concluded with a positive advice and a message...Well done Anita. Love your words.

  • Pamela Pinto, Wellington

    Sun, Feb 16 2014

    This is such a beautiful ode, one that tugs at your heartstrings.

    God bless

  • Aladdin Pais, Mangalore / Mumbai

    Sat, Feb 15 2014

    Dear Anita,

    So well written thanks a lot.

    Surely the Holy Spirit is using you with this beautiful message, we should now see how we can spread this around as its a real eye opener and also a sincere advice to all.

    While I will share this with all in my distribution list, which would be my friends and contacts all over / out school - college batch. Request the rest reading this to kindly spread this widely too.

    Keep writing.

    Kind Regards


  • Jasmine, Mangalre, Qatar

    Sat, Feb 15 2014

    Touching, so beautifully written. I hope it is read by all. Can feel the pain by just reading it. A clear message.

  • Richard Lewis, Udyavar/Bangalore

    Sat, Feb 15 2014

    Nice one Anita, as always.

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