Retirement Years: Uncertainty and Thoughts of Death

  •   Sun, Jan 22 2012
  •   By Anthony Herbert Crasta

January 23, 2012

It all started when I retired from my working life at the age of 65 about 3 years ago. Lately, I have started harbouring a strange and weird feeling at the back of my mind as to how long that I am going to carry on with my life, and when my inevitable death is going to come. I was never in this situation before during my earlier years when I was young and busy working and raising my family. Now that I am happily retired, relaxed and contented, leading rather an easy and a quiet life, trying to enjoy whatever time left that is, these strange thoughts are creeping in my mind again and again, and I wonder whether it is just me that feels this way.

How about you, ladies and gentlemen, the so called Senior Citizens out there who fall into my age group and above – do you also get the same weird feelings?, or is it just me that I am possessed by this morbid phobia, that is totally unfounded and unrealistic, which you think I should get rid of? What is your approach and strategy to the old age living and facing your twilight and evening years? It would be interesting to receive your feedback and advice in this regard.

I must confess, the daily Lords prayers were least in my mind and in my priorities during all those busy working years, but suddenly, when I go to bed these days, the first and foremost thought comes to my mind is whether I am going to be alive the next day morning. So, invariably, I say a silent prayer to God, thanking him for all the past blessings and for granting me the lovely day that had just passed through, and earnestly asking him to grant me another day to enjoy.

I was going through such rather scary thoughts the other day, when I suddenly felt some pain developing in the left side of my chest, which gradually spread through my neck and my left arm. I also felt some strain and a burning sensation in my left arm, all signs indicating to the fact that my heart was not functioning well and that I was going to get a heart attack any time. My immediate thoughts and concern were that I was going to die, but I did not want to leave this wonderful world yet since I had quite a few things remaining to do and enjoy, like an opportunity to spend a bit of the hard earned money that I had put aside during my long working life to take care of my evening years, to travel and see the unseen part of this beautiful planet. I also wanted to live a little longer to see my grandchildren`s arrival, if that was going to happen at all, - to play with them, watch them grow up, pass on to them some of the elderly wisdom and knowledge, show them the right life ropes, so to say, etc. Though, this last wish of mine was a wishful thinking only, as both of my well grown adult sons are not in a mood to get married and raise a family, not in the foreseeable future anyway, a trend which is becoming familiar and popular in the modern times in the part of the world that I am living.

So, I immediately went to my family Doctor at the local Medical Centre close by who promptly examined me and put me on to the ECG Walking Machine for an ECG (electrocardiogram) test. The kind Doctor of mine wanted to make sure that everything was in order with my heart, so he put me on to an extended walking session, accelerating the machine speed, gradually. Luckily, my daily brisk walking routine of about an hour`s duration or so, came handy and I could withstand the extra pressure, even though I was perspiring heavily and almost out of breath towards the end.

Thankfully for me, the ECG revealed perfect condition of my heart`s functioning and the Doctor comforted and assured me that everything was fine and in good order as far as my heart was concerned, and told me that the pain, strain and the burning sensation that I had experienced was temporary, which was caused due to some muscle strain and insufficient flow of blood. I returned home, much relieved, happy and satisfied.
By the way, the pain and the strain have disappeared altogether, and I am quite alright now.

Now, to dwell upon further a little bit on the topic of death, even though I have done the right things in life, but still, when facing the possibility of death, which is inevitable for anyone by the way, I must confess that it is somewhat confronting and fearful (and if anyone says that he or she is not afraid of facing death, it is simply not true- everyone will have some sort of fear and anxiety), as one is unsure as to what lies ahead. Even my dearest mother who had passed away a few years ago (bless her soul) has not come back and given me, one of her favourite sons, some sort of feedback, even in my wildest dreams, as to what lies ahead after death!.

No one in fact really knows for sure as to when one`s demise will take place – the death can come just like a thief – any time, any day. Therefore, the best strategy and course for anyone, especially the oldies like me, would be to live and enjoy each day as if it is going to be the last day on earth, and just be ready to leave this world at any time. Of course, it is easy said than done.

In fact how nice and wonderful it would have been if the Creator had designed and made known any person at the beginning of one`s birth the exact age that person was going to live, in order that he/she could finish with all the things he/she wanted to do with their life on time, and be fully prepared when the dooms day arrived!. Sadly, it would be a wishful thinking only, because in that case the life style and the way of living of that person would be quite different, which is quite obvious. Of course, the Creator is wise and genius in that He has purposely kept this piece of information as a great secret and mystery, though he has kind enough to give full freedom or a long rope, so to say, to each and every one of us to live the life as per one`s wishes, and it is up to us make or break our own lives either by living it in the most idealistic way or otherwise, and I suppose it is quite proper that we receive the appropriate reward or the punishment on the final judgement day, depending upon how good or bad the life we lived.

(Concluding note: This article might be of relevant mainly to the senior citizens; all the same, it should be of interest to all the people who are at different stages of their life).

 

Antony Crasta - Archives:  

 
By Anthony Herbert Crasta
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Comment on this article

  • Veera Gomes/Dsouza, Loretto/Urwa/Shivabhag

    Fri, Feb 03 2012

    Hallo Tony Bavoji,Excellent article.Keep writing. All the best.

  • Antony Herbert Crasta, Mangalore/Sydney

    Sun, Jan 29 2012

    Thank you all people who commented on my article - generous, positive, encouraging and valuable advice indeed which will be quite useful to all, irrespective of their age.

    AD Mangloor, Jimmy Noronha, AS Mathew, you were, as usual, great in analyzing the article and offering your wise and valuable comments, which I appreciate and hold high.

    Dr. Mohan Prabhu, I applaud your approach to the life even in your late years and compliment your achievements, and a special thanks for your feedback.

    Lilly, Francis (trio), Margaret, Lawrence, Shekar, Hafeex thanks for sharing your experiences and for your good wishes.

    And finally, Grace Pinto - what can I say - a well compiled and meaningful poem on the subject and I admire your composing skills.

  • Sr Jessy, Taccode/Rosa Mystica

    Thu, Jan 26 2012

    Uncle, Keep writing on such inspiring topics!I am proud of my uncle. Just this evening I had said to one of my Sisters that I have 3 uncles whom I cherish a lot all my life.

  • Thomas, Mangalore

    Thu, Jan 26 2012

    Before getting to conclusion about age coming to an end, according to me, we have to think, age is not the end, a 5yr old may die but a 90yr old may still live, one thing is certain in this life, even if our body dies, our soul still lives for eternity.
    What I should be worried about, am I selfish, have I lived my life for my own motives, and am I a blessing in somebody's life. I think when we get answers to these questions, then we start living for others & life will become more interesting than before. Then I think age does not matter us.

  • Santhosh Bhandary, Mangalore

    Wed, Jan 25 2012

    Yes, some people live as if they are never going to die. They kill, fight, create hatred, trouble/harass others and so on. They think death is only for 'others'

    Also some people when they die they think as if they have never lived.

    Reflect on the above, there is lot of truth.

  • jen, Goa/Kuwait

    Wed, Jan 25 2012

    You know you're getting older when: your knees buckle and your belt doesn't you argue about which denture adhesive is best you sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go by the time you've lit the last candle on your birthday cake the first one has burned out you no longer think 'getting older' jokes are funny. Getting older isn't for the faint-of-heart, so the Bible gives us glimpses of what it entails. Isaac's eyesight gave out (Genesis 27:1). David was always cold (1 Kings 1:1-4). Paul referred to himself as 'Paul, the aged' (Philemon v. 9 NAS) and talked about the physical and emotional pains of old age - of feeling abandoned and lonely, being disappointed by fellow workers, and saying goodbye to friends he might never see again (2 Timothy 4:9-21). One author writes: 'On my most recent birthday my sister sent me this message: 'The bad news: outwardly we are wasting away.' (Did I mention this is my older sister, and as I like to remind her, she'll always be my older sister!) Then she added, 'The good news: We do not lose heart...even though outwardly we are wasting away...the inward man is being renewed every day.' If you have creaky joints, arthritic hands, weakened eyes, a slow step, an ear that struggles to hear, or a heart that beats to the sound of a cholesterol drummer, be encouraged! God is preparing a...celebration for the day you arrive in heaven, where you'll no longer age because you'll be home in the land of the ageless.'

  • Grace Pinto,

    Wed, Jan 25 2012

    I hope after reading the following poem composed by me will make you think slightly differently:

    RETIREMENT BLISS NOT BLUES



    When retirement age draws near,

    There lurks an unknown fear,

    Of being a nobody…….

    Once a somebody!!

    How faulty this thinking is,

    When life gets a fresh lease,

    To do what one really wants,

    With none to boss with shouts and taunts.

    Doing things at a tarried pace,

    No more to rush or race,

    Stopping by to smell the flowers,

    Sitting by the sea for hours.

    Relaxing in ones favourite chair,

    With no tension, not a care,

    Doing what one wants to do,

    With hobbies revived and interests too.

    Plenty of time to cheer the weary,

    Share it with the said and dreary,

    The world needs these mature minds,

    Among them are some rare finds.

    Cheer up all you about to retire,

    The world as you think is not on fire,

    Move forward with a healthy mind,

    And happiness, you are sure to find.

  • Edna Rodricks, Taccode/Pune

    Tue, Jan 24 2012

    Very nice article Uncle. You have beautifully conveyed your feelings. We too at times get into such thought process and wonder what next. I must say only you had the courage to put your thoughts in writing. It is a great relief that all..z well with your recent medical reports. We are happy. Keep writing.. Lots of love.

  • judymoras, bejai,church

    Tue, Jan 24 2012

    hi MrAntony,pls do not think too much of ur age,,though its natural....jst leave everything in gods hands,,,keep ur self occupied witth some social wrk,keep doing good things to others,attend retreat,daily mass walking etc....ok?if u keep thinking abt future, u will ruin ur present .so pls do not think deep,,,leave everything in gods hands,with faith and trust.........alll the best and do tk cr.....mr.antony....

  • ad, mangloor

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Mr. Crasta,Death and taxes are similar. One cannot escape, the later may be dodged. One is born only to die and while life is presumed to be for ever, its seldom for good. Senior citizen or not death will come one day.
    Life is strange because when one is full of life, one goes out of the way to achieve whatever in this world without thinking death.
    How many of us think for a moment that death will takewaway whatever we had or made in this world.
    If human kind thought of this way there would not have been sins in this world.
    If one thinks in logical way life does not make sense because its never for ever. This is a temporary journey. Our destination, yes, no one knows except the creator.
    If I think clearly, death is the only thing we have to await just like the birthday which we know but death an unknown date.
    So one has to preapre for death and beyond, even human nature makes one scary.
    Whatever life there is, live with the eternity, develop relationship with eternity because eternity is ones final desination and the creator is the one we will live forever, and that is life, albeit eternal, indeed.

  • Jimmy Noronha, Bellore, Lucknow

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    The article is quite realistic though it has a tinge of melancholy running throughout which is quite understandable. Death is inevitable and it comes when it comes, but aren’t there ways and means by which we can forget about it and go on with life? The best way to spend retired life is to keep oneself busy and do some constructive work that keeps body and mind busy. Of course it is easier said than done, but if we think of the inevitable and keep worrying, perhaps we may take heart from what the Bard has said in one of his plays (JS) that “Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, it seems to me most strange that men should fear seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.”

  • Hafeeex, Dubai

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Birth is an accident and death is certain.
    Live life like last day of your life with cheerful and with great hopes. Dus you can enjoy your life. Living with the fear of death is like dieing every movement and every day. Live like a king till your last breath. Worring about family in the retirement age is not required. If we analyse our forefather, grany and parents, we will find today's generation having more wealth and better life style compare our ansisters. So I repeat live like king and enjoy every movement of life. Give importance for health and I request all retiring age people to make enough saving for your old age so that, we need not to stretch our hands in front of any one even our own kids. Who knows our kids will have forget us as parents, they even may not time to speak to us? This is we have seen in costal karnataka old parents living back home and children in gulf for their livelihood. This is a practical problem and it has no end foresee.

  • Kanthi Costa/Fernandes, Bajpe / Canada

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Dear uncle Tony
    Really nice article. Not everyone likes to express the way you have expressed your thoughts. Appreciate your writing skills. Are you uncle Luca's brother by any chance? If yes, could I have your email address. I am Ambrose costa's youngest daughter. Would love to keep in touch with you. My email address is kanthif@gmail.com

  • Francis (Joe) Martis, Barkur/USA

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Hi Anthony,

    You have put into words, the inner feelings that you have experienced after retiring. Your honesty expressing them truthfully must be applauded. I am certain almost everyone experience feelings one way or other due to being idle after retirement, for many it may be a fear. I too have just crossed 60, have so far never had time to think beyong family welfare. I would say when you have plenty of time during the day, devote yourself towards Charity and Welfare and keep yourself healthy.
    This may give Peace and Happiness and sense of satisfaction. Whatever you do to others whole heartendly, the rewards are greater.
    Best Wishes.

  • mohan prabhu, mangalore, ottawa

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Hello Antony:
    Your article struck a chordsounds eerily like what I am going through although I am 13 years older. I am fully resigned to what is awaiting every mortal, even our Lord who became man, as that is Nature's Order. Every one knows there is nothing we can do, but we should let death to wait and when it comes it comes. We all should be prepared, and we at our age are in the best position to do so, unlike the younger ones who never give a second thought to their mortality - they are too young to have them (and I did at a younger age). So, keep doing what you are doing but try to forget about death at your age - or at all. For your information, even at the age of 75 I enrolled myself for a doctorate of laws at the University of Ottawa and 3 months ago (October 30, 2011) I was awarded the doctorate. I was not at all worried whether I lived to complete that endeavour! I take comfort in the famous words of Robert Louis Stevenson "It is better to travel than to arrive".
    Now I am on to other things, like writing my memoirs and even converting my thesis into a readable book for publishing. That keeps me going and you could take a leaf from my life - You could email me at mopedb@yahoo.com.
    if you wish to get further encouragement.
    By the way, I am in the same boat as you so far as grandchildren are concerned. Marriage is not in the cards of our three children, so it is unlikely I will see the continuation of my family tree during my lifetime. Dr. Mohan Prabhu, Ottaw

  • Shekar Moily Padebettu, Padebettu/Udipi

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Well said and written Mr.Anthony Herbert Crasta.This is not only you almost each and every individual has this kind of phobia,apprehension,insecurity creeping in their mind when they attain this age.But death is inevitable,certain once we came in to existence on this planet earth and nobody can escape from the jaws of death.But time,place,age,the way of death nobody can predict.For death age is not the criteria but yes of course security,mental stamina,taking care of are the main concern/catch here.But God is always great,He will take care of,what generally people talk about.Nice article for the people who are sailing in the same boat.

  • A. S. Mathew, U.S.A.

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Sir, it is a very interesting article, simply touching the reality of life. When I was 60,
    I jumped into a business venture,
    and the recession put me upside down. I was greatly depressed, got some sickness due to my high
    stress level, went to different
    doctors. They couldn't help me
    much at all, but I simply put the
    burden upon the LORD, and my
    sickness was completely healed
    in a few months. I will be 67 in
    April, and many nights, I went to
    bed with the same thoughts you
    have mentioned. Please try to find out
    like minded-positive minded people,
    take some regular exercise and draw
    near to God, God will give you
    energy and strength back. Now I am planning and prayaing to God to travel as much as possible and see the world and to help the most helpless people in any way I can help. When I am hit with high stress and depression, the best panacea and I have applied was to help somebody in a smaller way. I
    will be praying for you my friend.

  • ISMAIL NELLYADY, UAE

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    yes you are right every mankind those who are mind or mindless he /she becomes old age must think about tommorrows death this cannot d from anybodys mind those who are going to bed. only survival of this pls to do deep meditation and get peace of mind from allmighty.

  • Richard Lobo, Shirva/Bangalore

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Keep writing, good to read the retirement experiences. Do not think about death.

  • Najam, Bajpe

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Excellent article Sir.
    Not only senior citizen every human being should fear, the inevitable death & facing Almighty since there is no time limit for death (irrespective of age)!

  • Lawrence D'Souza, Mangalore/Bangalore

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Dear Mr.Anthony, Meaningfull and touching article, all the Senior citizen should go through. We both are in the same boat as I am going to be 66 in the month of June aiming for 99 but I know it is rather my prusmption reality no one knows. Yes old age brings lots of frightening thoughts about death. Only those who step into this age could understand what we are going through. I belive, we should share our feelings with our near and dear ones, occupy in some activities apart from little bit of our house hold work. I have takenup Social service working for few days in a week with a NGO in helping Juvenile deliquents for thier reformation and reintegration to the society. Why can't you also fall in line and do some thing which brings you the desired peace and hapiness. regards Lawrence.

  • Margaret, Mudigere / Mumbai

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Very good article Mr. Anthony, though I am in my early 40's I too wonder what happens after retirement, the insecurity feelings, low emotions etc etc and how will I continue my life after that. I have seen & met quite a few Senior Citizens, they too feel the same as you, they need someone to listen & speak to them as they have no one and their children have migrated to different countries. I can only pray for them and visit them as often as I can. Can anyone tell me in what other way can I make them feel good?

  • Francis lobo, Bejai/Mangalore

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    A few days back I attended the funeral of one of friend. He had died at the age of 51, due to toothache which got converted over to Septicemia.I wondered is there a age for life or death. When the time comes everyone has to go. Live life with the hope that the next day will be a better one

  • Francis J. Saldanha, Moodubelle / Bahrain

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    Very good article, well written-one too ! wishful thinking though but as every one knows life is with full of surprises! you never know what is in store for you irrespective of your age. So live life to the fullest come what may. It is quite proper that we receive the appropriate reward or the punishment on the final judgement day, depending upon how good or bad the life we lived. My best wishes to you dear Mr. Anthony. God bless you with good health and happiness and long life.

  • lilly lobo, moodbidri/london.

    Mon, Jan 23 2012

    hello anthony,im 58 now and 2018 i will retire.and im thinking a lot about death.i have no children.allready made a will what to do with my body.all i know is my life is your,s lord whenever you wont to take.i was thinking the same way. my dearest will come back and tell me what,s up there, but nothing.thank you anthony it is a good article.best wishes to you.lilly lobo.


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