January 17, 2012

The term adolescence means, 'to grow up'. A girl or boy between the ages of 13 and 19 is generally referred to as an adolescent. At this phase of life the teenager is given more independence by their parents/guardians with less supervision but it does not imply that they are adults and can legally participate in social activities like voting, driving and buying and drinking alcohol and so on!

Understanding teenagers

In order to understand teenagers it is very important that we try and view the world from their eyes. Sometimes we find it difficult understand our troubled teenagers even though we all have been there! Normally we find that they are spending more time in their bedrooms or outside with their buddies. Not only are they are reluctant to come home on time but they almost seem to find disobeying us pleasurable.

Do you feel your teenager son or daughter often trying to distance themselves from home? Are you afraid of this change? Ever wonder how you can resolve this problem? How can you bring your darling back home? Fear not, because you are not alone! Many parents suffer from these kinds of issues. They feel their daughter/son is becoming more of a nightmare day by day. Unable to figure out 'what went wrong' the questions and worries will accumulate day in and out until eventually you can't take it anymore. In order to avoid such an emotionally draining experience it is important to see what exactly it is that went wrong. We often find ourselves saying, 'As a parent I do everything for him/her. I work day and night to give him/her the best. For his birthday I bought a very expensive play station 3! And this is what I get in return!?'

Dilemma between parents and teenagers

How parents think about teenagers:

"My daughter is always on the phone with that guy or in the bedroom. She likes to do too much makeup and wants to stand in front of the mirror all the time. She finished my expensive makeover within week! Whenever I try to explain something she gets upset and gives me back answers."

"My son is a liar. When I try to talk to him, he gives me a blank stare and of course he is not listening to what I am saying."

How teenagers think about parents:

"My parents are policing me at all the time. They ask too many questions when I want to go out or when I come home. They do not want to talk to my male friends because for them he is my boyfriend. My parents do not understand me. They talk to me only when I make a mistake. Whenever I try to tell them something they say, ‘you don’t know anything, you are still baby or your wrong!’ My mother nags all the time and is pushy too but she never supports neither stands by my.”

Parents and teenagers have their own scenarios but it’s very important that both the parties work together to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship to turn a house into a home. If we fail to do so the gap between parents and teens widens.

Accept the fact

Most of the time parents are not ready to accept the fact that their children are growing up. They still treat them like small kids and do not give them chance to develop and learn new things. They feel uncomfortable to treat them like friends. They lie in front of the children but when children lie they often label them as liars! Parents normally blow their own trumpet saying 'being parents you cannot be perfect all the time and can lie sometimes'. On the contrary, they expect teenagers to agree to this statement but at the same time not lie!? Teen brain doesn’t work this way. They will follow what they have seen and heard.

Communication

Giving your teenage son/daughter luxurious life is not enough! Do we give them enough time? Do we talk to them? Do we listen to them? Communication is very vital. This is the time where they come to you with questions that they want to find an answer to. But where they will find an answer? Teenagers talk to themselves or they talk to their buddies and try to get an answer for their why’s and how’! When children were very young they like to share everything with their parents but when they grow old they want to spend more time with their friends so that they can share doubts with their friends much more easily. We should learn to accept this. We should understand that a teenager might have difficulties in connecting or relating to their parents or elders expressing their opinions, and discussing controversial issues that pose a problem for them.

'I cannot relate to my dad or mum” are words we quite often hear from teenagers and in a way it's quite sad.

Ideally we should make them feel at ease to and encourage them to share their feeling with us. We should treat them like friends. They are not kids anymore. Whatever you want them to do they will do it but you need explain them in a better way. They need a good reason to do anything what you say or to listen to it.

They need respect. Try praising them in front of others. You should feel proud about your daughter or son. Do not abuse them in front of others. They do have self-respect and being a parent safeguarding their self-respect and self-esteem is very important.

Transform your house in to home...

Make them feel that they are welcomed in the home. Listen to them. Do not impose strict rules like curfew deadlines without really telling why. They want to live in a home and not prison. If they are trying to discuss about a girl or boy whom they like listen to them. Do not label them saying 'Do you love her/him? You are spoiled, bla bla bla … 'They might like each other and there may be an attraction at this stage and it’s not wrong. We need a companion at every stage of our life because ‘Man is a social animal ‘(Aristotle).