December 15, 2011

A lot has been spoken about forgiveness, easy to talk about but difficult to practice, this forgiveness. It has taken sinners to heaven and brought saints to their knees, this forgiveness. 

John Gray, in one of his books, talks of how men and women deal differently with the forgiveness. A man needs time out; time to see his role in the situation. A woman on the other hand needs an acknowledgement of her pain; an understanding of the hurt that has been caused to her. 

The act in it self is not the barrier.  All one needs, to initiate the process, is the willingness. What pose the challenge are the distasteful memories attached to the episode. They have an uncanny knack of stirring up within us. If only the neo cortex evolved before the amygdala! That brings us to Horace Walpole’s belief that life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. The synonymous with humour, P G Wodehouse quoted, “Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.” Then how does one deal with them? May be communication is a good option!

Micchami Dukkadam, 70 times 7, Tefila Zaka, Astaghfiru, Ho’oponopono… These ideas, put up by various forms of faith, advocate the same gallant act - Forgiveness (The forgiveness). It demands an understanding of oneself and that of another. Many a time hurtful actions are a reaction to the void within oneself. The one who is offended needs to be sensitive to this void thus focusing more on it than on the pain caused. It also helps to know that in most cases, the forgive-ee is hurt much more than is the forgiver. Memories wouldn’t cease to swarm our minds but letting go of the pain renders them powerless in a way that they can never haunt us.  In the Mahabharata Vidura rightfully exclaims in his address to Dhritarashtra, “…what is there that forgiveness cannot achieve?” 

Easier said than done, forgiveness is a gift that we give ourselves. It is only by forgiving another that we can liberate ourselves. It takes a lot of humility to pardon; then be it pardon to another or to oneself. In the end though, mustering the courage to manifest the divine virtue of humility is the road to tread for all it is worth. Try it; you’ll only be doing yourself a favour!