April 28, 2011

Recently I heard somebody say that we are living in a world where we have to run to stay in the same place. What is shocking is that such statements neither perturb nor appall us. In some ways all the hyperboles of yesterday have become the understatements of today. This only goes to reiterate the often quoted cliché, “the only thing that is constant is change.”

Living in a world that is becoming smaller by the day, shrunk beyond comprehension by the Tsunami of globalization and all that it stands for, citizens and their inter-personal relationships have been reduced to a mere going through the motions, designed to keep society in a perpetual state of stoicism. It is therefore imperative that we introspect and come to the crucial realization that the world is in need of peace like never before, and that the only way to achieve it is through empathy.

Empathy has been defined as the ability to identify and understand another’s situation, feelings and motives. In other words, it is our capacity to recognize the concerns other people have. As Mother Teresa puts it, "what you do is not important but how much love you put into what you do is important." Empathy is valued currency. It allows us to build bonds of trust. It gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking. It helps us to understand how or why others are reacting to situations. It sharpens our 'people acumen' and informs our decisions.

While some people are born empathetic, all have the inherent potential to develop this capacity. Here are a few practical tips to develop empathy. The first and perhaps most crucial is to develop active listening – the world needs people who can and are willing to truly listen to others. People who listen with their ears, eyes and heart; who pay attention to the other’s body language, to their tone, to the hidden emotions behind what they are trying to say and to the context. Most importantly, people who can listen to what others can’t say, what they will never be able to say.

The second important prerequisite to develop empathy is to be fully present when one is with people, to use names whenever possible and be willing to greet others with a smile. The world is starved of encouragement and even a simple gesture like an attentive nod, can boost people’s confidence. John Wesley hit the nail on its head when he said, "Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, as long as ever you can." It is good to ensure that one gives others genuine recognition and praise whenever an opportunity presents itself, taking care to be specific and without undue exaggeration.

The third must-do to develop empathy is to take a personal interest in people, to go out of our way to show people that we care, to appreciate their achievements and celebrate our differences.

Empathy will lead us to acceptance, to the knowledge that all our brethren, notwithstanding their colour, caste, creed, language and nationality are just like us though not necessarily exactly like us. Acceptance leads us to accompany others, to walk shoulder to shoulder with all our brothers and sisters, to grow together in the healthy ambience of live and let live.

Empathy will certainly help to rebuild the rapidly deteriorating interpersonal relationships of the present world. While psychologists point out that empathy is right brain activity, I have also heard that the right part of the brain controls the left part of our body - the seat of the heart. In my perspective, empathy is the oil that keeps relationships running smoothly. It is the elixir that helps us to practice what we preach.