Marriage: Good or Bad?

By Sonal Lobo, Bengaluru
Sonal Lobo, born and bought up in Bengaluru, is a post graduate in commerce from Christ University, Bengaluru. She has been writing from the age of 10. Her writings have been published in in a number of publications of repute. She has published two books 'Thoughts Sublime' and 'Whistling Words' both collection of poems and also contributed in various anthologies. Currently she is working as an HR counsellor in Bengaluru. You can reach her at sonal_chocolate@yahoo.co.in
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February 19, 2018


They say there is always a difference of opinion and conceptualization of various aspects from one generation to the another. One such institution which has been rapidly changing and perceptions differing is that of Marriage.

When I was younger and watched my aunts and uncles enter into nuptial bonds I would always witness a positive environment where both the bride and groom would look forward to a new beginning and people around spoke very positively about building a beautiful relationship together. But today the scenes have completely changed, when someone is about to get married the first comment murmured by most of them is “Game over” its the end.
Well is it really an end of good life?

Recently I spoke to one of my friend who was married with a kid, on enquiring about her life she promptly told me that she was very unhappy and regretted marrying and having a kid early. I was taken back because I knew that her husband was a good man and the concept of bad marriage was never in the picture. She then told me that after delivering the baby her husband had asked her to take a break for few months and concentrate on the kid after which she could resume her work once they could find a reliable caretaker to take care of the baby, but she was so upset staying at home and spending time between the four walls that she assumed that the marriage itself was bad. I took a while to make her understand that her husband was definitely not wrong since he had not stopped her from working but had just asked her to stay back till they could find good hands and moreover it was the time she had to take care of herself and the baby. She seemed to be not convinced but I was convinced that most of us today term marriage bad just because one’s desires are not fulfilled and it has nothing to do with marriage being good or bad.

In the past when we asked small kids what they wanted to become in the future many of them promptly would say they wanted to be married but today you ask any kid irrespective of the gender the first response we hear is, no we don’t want to get married and waste our life but we want to become something in life. Well it’s a sad state that the idea of marriage being bad is filled into the minds of youngsters who grow up with the same attitude and end up having bad and failed relationships.

When I announced to my friends that I would be married at an age of 25 some of them laughed and made fun and told me that it was my end and the rest of my life I would take care of my husband and children which was definitely not the case. Marriage for me till today has been the most beautiful journey. Yes, like any couple we have had our own ups and downs, we have had bitter fights, we have yelled and cried but we have also stood beside each other no matter what come may. We have had some of the best moments which we would never enjoy if we weren’t united in the holy sacrament of matrimony.

When I ask few of my friends why they choose not to marry they promptly say that marriages we see around are collapsing and they don’t want to enter into a relationship and regret. Well we see marriages failing is not because there is a fault in marriage but because we fail to select the right person and most of the time we ourselves fail to be a good spouse. Today most of the youngsters look for unrealistic pleasures from a relationship, they assume that everything would be rosy and when things go a little out of hand they would want to snap out and look for other greener pastures.

I would definitely not want to be judgemental here, I know there are some situations which are out of control and one cannot do much about it but most of the time any marriage can definitely be saved with compromise, understanding, forgiveness and lot of love. Maybe we need to be a good example to our children and take inspiration from our parents and lead a beautiful married life.

No relationship is easy, the relationship between parent and child is often tuff, the friendship between friends is sometimes taxing, the bond we share with our siblings is often complicated and most of us take efforts to keep these relationships, then why do we not take a little extra effort to keep the bond of marriage strong.

I have always admired by parents who have lived close to 30 years together and still growing strong. I have never ever once heard my mother or father complain about each other. Their love and commitment for each other tickles in me an urge to live the same kind of married life. The mistake most of us today do is draw our inspiration and get influenced by the broken marriages we see around, the media and the media persons and their life impact us so much that we make conclusions before actually entering into the bond.

In this article I am definitely not saying that marriage is easy or cake walk, probably if you think logically it’s the most difficult relationship in the world but it is worth it for each and every inch of effort we put in. I myself am enjoying a beautiful bliss, marriage has made me tremendously strong, I have learnt to tackle situations in life in a more calm and composed manner. Well I have not given up my passions and desires, it’s my husband support and helping hand that motivated me to publish books, it’s his encouragement that made me take up chocolate making and awakened the entrepreneur skills in me. Most of all marriage has made me look forward to quiet evenings in my husband’s arms giggling and laughing, it’s given me a best friend for life.

Through this writing two most important things which I wanted to highlight was firstly marriage is definitely not bad or the end of happiness, but a beginning of a fun filled and satisfying adventure. For a marriage to work we definitely need to put in efforts, at times we may have to say yes when we wish to say no, we may have to give up a little or take in more but all of it will not go waste when you are doing it for the person you love. I wouldn’t say one needs to give up self-respect or kill ones dream to be married, but rather when there are situations which demands nothing but a little compromise and adjustments let’s not fail to do so and save our marriage. Secondly let us make a wise choice when we are selecting our life partner. Most of us today get carried away by looks, money and wealth we fail to analyse whether we will be in the position to spend our life with the person for the rest of our days. Let us learn to make a good choice and select a person who suits our temperament and try leading a beautiful married life.

Next time if any of your friend or relative is moving ahead to get married don’t tell them it’s end of their life, but tell them how beautiful marriage is. Try creating a positive environment so that the young couple would enter the holy sacrament fearlessly and remain happy and contended forever and also the coming generations would learn to respect and preserve the sanctity of marriage.

 

Sonal Lobo Archives:

Comment on this article

  • HENRY MISQUITH, Bahrain

    Thu, Mar 8 2018

    Marriage can be a real heaven if you are lucky enough but so often can turn to be a very nasty, brutal, cruel and bloody costly long long war.
    Its unimaginable to see divorce can take place between married couples without declaring war on each other and using all unethical ways to discredit and destroy the other person and send him or her broke, to the gutter.
    I think it would be a good idea if people sign a yearly contract before getting married. They can renew it if they are happy or alternatively leave each other in peace without declaring war and fighting.

    Agree [6]

  • Vincent Rodrigues, Bengaluru/Katapadi

    Sat, Mar 3 2018

    Superb article indeed with greater insights on the problems of present youth in marriage.Too good and excellent.

    Agree [3]

  • Ronald Mathias, Mangalore / Bahrain

    Fri, Mar 2 2018

    Hello Sonal,

    Wonderful article in Daijiworld.com
    Keep Writing......All the best.

    Regards,

    Ronald Mathias
    Bahrain.

    Agree [1]

  • Praveen Monis Kuwait, Belthangady. Mangalore

    Thu, Mar 1 2018

    Nice article on Good concept....Marriage is Critical issue for this generation..

    Agree [3]

  • Sudhir, kudla

    Wed, Feb 28 2018

    The Title was interesting. The first half is a norm for two to come together and rasie/ upbring a family and to contribute to make a better society . Second half is totaly a perception to see how much it worked for you , how much you enjoyed it..how much you committed.
    Commitment overpasses your emotions feeling level, your own boundary's, laziness etc..
    For a working marriage, first husbands ...do not question your wifes feelings/ sentiments...( her family ) , and wifes...do not question or harm your husbands ego...( even he is foolish...tell him he is wonderful..doing great..)
    Life is beautiful...weather you married or not married...each will have its own challenges..and happy and sad moments. Having faith in what you choose and moving forward in life what it matters. each moment there is life...so enjoy it fully. Giving brings lot of satisfaction ..so why not forgive your own spouces/ kids/ relatives... if he/she has done something not to your perception!! move on..

    Agree [3]

  • Ashok Shetty, Udupi / Bangalore.

    Tue, Feb 27 2018

    Wonderful article mam, as you wrote "one needs to give up self-respect or kill ones dream to be married, but rather when there are situations which demands nothing but a little compromise and adjustments let’s not fail to do so and save our marriage".

    Agree [2]

  • Christopher, Mangalore

    Sun, Feb 25 2018

    Very beautifully written. It's very important for the husband to support wife and also for the wife to support husband. Any relationship will be successful when there is mutual love, respect and deep sense of commitment. Marriage is definitely not bad it's one of the best relationships on Earth. Thank you Mrs Sonal for such a beautiful article.

    Agree [5]

  • roysten lobo, Mangalore /Sweden

    Sat, Feb 24 2018

    Excellent article!! Beautiful written Sonal. Keep writing😊

    Agree [6]

  • Veronica Alva, Udupi/ Dubai

    Sat, Feb 24 2018

    Nice article dear Sonal. Need of the hour I can say as nowadays many youngsters hesitant to take a step to get married at right age. You have really explained it very well as to how beautiful one’s marriage can be, provided the values of selflessness, adjustments and understanding are given highest priority.
    God bless you and keep writing to enlighten younger generation .

    Agree [4]

  • S.oviya, Trichy

    Fri, Feb 23 2018

    Nice one. Very thought provoking.. beautifully written Sonal.. keep it up

    Agree [7]

  • Dr.S.Kamath, Mumbai

    Fri, Feb 23 2018

    Excellent Article Sonal Lobo
    Your ideas and thoughts are surely a must read item for all youngsters of today .It is the personal ego that grooms and brides nurture and thus create problems for themselves
    God bless you a long and happy married life

    Agree [9]

  • John Crasta, Mangaluru

    Fri, Feb 23 2018

    Part 2

    Authority comes with responsibilities and I list some of them.
    Genesis 2:24,Ephesians 5:25-33,Romans 12:10,Ephesians 5:21,Ephesians 4:32, Peter 3:7



    Some tips to handle marriage problems.

    1)We are called to forgive 70 times seven and not seven times i.e. we need to defeat the
    thoughts of anger by constantly blessing our partners as soon as negative thoughts come
    to our mind. Simple way is to pray “Thank you Jesus for a wonderful spouse, Lord bless
    him/her”
    2) In any discussion if one of the partners wants have his/her own way ,pray as follows “Jesus
    bless him/her to do all things according to your will and grant us peace”
    3) If there are elderly in the family (Parents/In –laws) pray “Lord give me joy in taking care
    of them whenever wrong thoughts to the mind. The important thing is to defeat wrong
    thoughts by prayers as and when they arise.

    4) Praise and thank God in all circumstances ie No matter how much the couple scream at one
    another ,thank God for the wonderful marriage.

    4) Meditational prayers (reciting bible verses slowly and silently in mind several
    times) have healing powers. Some of them are as follows,
    a) Wash away my evil and make me clean from my sin (Ps 51:2)
    Create a pure heart in me O God and put in me a new and loyal Spirit (Psalm 51:10)
    b) I AM (Exodus 3:14) grant me peace your peace, peace which the world cannot give
    (Jn 14:27)
    c) By Jesus wounds my marriage is healed (prayer from 1 Peter 2:24, Isaiah 53:5)
    d) 1) Jesus give me the gift of self-control,
    2) Jesus give me the give of patience,
    3) Jesus give me the gift of love
    4) Jesus give me the gift of hope

    Agree [7]

  • John Crasta, Mangaluru

    Fri, Feb 23 2018

    Part 1
    Thank you Sonal for a wonderful article.I would like to give my views based on my understanding of the bible.
    Bible tells us that God created Adam in his image but Eve was not created in the same way God had created Adam. Instead she was created from the rib of Adam. When God saw Adam was not happy He took life from Adam and distributed the graces between Adam and Eve in such a way so as to make them dependent on each other. When Adam woke up from sleep he felt weak and saw strength to his weaknesses in Eve. This is the reason why he said ““This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23).

    God could not have created a woman separately as He had already created a man in his own image
    Assuming that he could have done so Eve would have been equal to Adam in all respects and they would not have been able relate to each other and show interest in each other. In short it would mean that divorces would have been made in Heaven.
    Marriage is an institution .It needs to be understood that every institution has an authority and man is the authority of institution of marriage as woman created from man (1cor 11:8-9).Man needs to combine his authority with love and self-control.
    Wife who respects the authority of her husband will be greatly blessed by God. But then how to handle the situation when the wife is correct in her views but husband does not yield? Answer to this is quite simple and is given Mathew 11:28.It is just a matter of surrendering the situation to Jesus and trusting in him. It always important to make a small prayer after every petition such as “Lord help me to understand your ways”

    (Continued in part 2)

    Agree [4]

  • Vivek, Hirebyle / Abu dhabi

    Thu, Feb 22 2018

    Nice article on Good concept....Marriage is Critical issue for this generation.....the word might Vanish in coming generation .......as previously parents could have 4 to 5 kids.....diminished to 1 or 2 on this generation ..........future they would go for Artificial Intelligence KID ......Possible! ....

    Agree [5]

  • ad, mangaluru

    Wed, Feb 21 2018

    Critical advise on marriage:

    Do not Marry for:

    Love
    Money
    fame
    beauty
    Personality
    charm
    and the list goes on

    Marry for:
    for togetherness and to care each other.

    Agree [26]

  • Hussain, Abu Dhabi

    Wed, Feb 21 2018

    Very well written.
    There are lots of messages, jokes, GIFs spreading in the social media regarding the Marriage. Negativity has been spread to such an extent that younger generation think Marriage is bad and its the end of our life...

    Agree [13]

  • Roshan braganza, mumbai

    Wed, Feb 21 2018

    There was survey in west AGE OF MARRIAGE vs successful marriages , it was interesting success rate increased with younger brides . I like the wisdom cannon laws here as it sets age of marriage for girls at 14 . Logically i feel girl should marry at 18 considering the following points .
    1. First love can be your first husband , no previous relationships can marr marriage . Now days how many girls practice abstinence from sex till marriage ?!
    2. Teens r prime and girls look very feminine in those years , so isnt it need to be invested in . marriage , rather than wasting it .

    coming to education , girl can complete her education even after marriage . Plus being homemaker is also kind of education and empowerment .

    Agree [6]

  • Nixon, Somwarpet kodagu

    Tue, Feb 20 2018

    Very beautiful article.very instersting . It is very useful for the youngsters
    Keep doing.🎁🎉🎊🎄😊All the very best😊😊👍
    I look forward for the many good articles in the upcomings😊

    Agree [5]

  • Lancy Dantis, Paladka / Fujairah

    Tue, Feb 20 2018

    Very beautiful article.... Its true Marriage is a beautiful relationship

    Agree [6]

  • Swathi, Bangalore

    Tue, Feb 20 2018

    Hey Sonal, beautiful write up...:) Keep writing

    Agree [7]

  • Lynet Rodrigues, Mangalore/Doha Qatar

    Tue, Feb 20 2018

    Very well written sonu. Proud of you. Keep going. God bless you

    Agree [6]

  • Usha Akhil, Bangalore

    Tue, Feb 20 2018

    Hey Sonal ... very beautiful article, definitely I agree with you... Marriage is a wonderful phase in everyone's life and we have to handle it carefully no matter what comes in between .. we need to keep up this relationship very strong.

    Agree [4]

  • Happily Married.., USA

    Tue, Feb 20 2018

    Some individuals are simply incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship within the marriage. Their relationship management skills are often hampered by their personality, which puts a heavy mental burden on the spouse. In such cases one person has to always compromise or quietly endure the emotional harassment to make the marriage work. My 20 years of marriage has been nothing but a bed of roses but my brother and sister did not have such a blessing. A person who is hot tempered, arrogant and obnoxious, a person who is always doubtful of other's motives, a person who is always critical and can never crack a smile on his/her face, can not bring joy in other people's lives. Such kind of people are better off not getting married because they are hard to love and hard to live with. In such cases, marriage becomes merely measurable in years(quantity) rather than in quality of life. Very often, in my conversation with my siblings, I have always struggled to console them in their hurt and disappointment by asking them to consider their spouse's point of view. Unfortunately, very often no point of view makes sense except for the fact that, this particular individual is bitter in life for no rhyme or reason. Such people should refrain from getting married and placing heavy emotional burden on his/her spouse.
    It is very important to get to know the person well enough before making a commitment which is life long. Above all, it is very important that a young man/woman pray for a good marriage several years before entering into the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

    Agree [10]

  • Remya Joseph, Singapore

    Tue, Feb 20 2018

    Heyy Sonal, Good read da. And your views are almost similar to mine. I don’t know why such things are said. To a guy they say - your life is over. And to the girl they say - be prepared to throw away your career... etc. 😒
    Why can’t it just be the ‘union of two beautiful souls’??
    I do have one thing to add though - it’s not about the age. Once a person, irrespective of the gender - have established themselves in their career, only then should they get married. So that even if in the worst case scenarios, they don’t need to depend on others and can stand firmly on their own two feet. Also, once a person has worked for few years, they automatically do get the maturity to resolve the various issues that come up in personal life.
    Once again da - well written. Enjoyed it. Keep writing! 🤗

    Agree [10]

  • Chandana, Bangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Very nice.. All your articles are very likeable.. Please keep posting!

    Agree [5]

  • Adrina, Mangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Well written Sonu!! Marriage is indeed a beautiful bond☺. Keep writing.

    Agree [5]

  • Rob Stan, Udupi / US

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    We've been married for almost 15 years and throughout I was analyzing where we were going wrong and I have come to the following conclusion-
    Compatibility between couples is of great importance. People who have compatibility talk about marriage being good and other say it's not.
    Many people might not agree with me but height difference, weight difference, difference in skin color, type of job which the couple have, stamina of the couple etc., play their role. Rest all fall in place on it's own. In addition to physical compatibility, it's very important that wife has a good stable job for marriage to work well. Else husband needs to have unlimited assets or income.
    It works different way in the US than in India that physical compatibility is more important than any other thing. Eg - A couple earning comparatively less but with more physical compatibility could be more happier than those earning more with lesser compatibility. I have seen here people earning well, in good positions, in very high professions with lesser physical compatibility bringing money from India in Crores to meet ends.

    Agree [6]

  • Pooja Madappa, Bengaluru

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Keep up the good work 😊

    Agree [6]

  • Apoorva Manjunath, Bangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Very well said 👌👍

    Agree [5]

  • Ivan & Lydwin, Mangalore/Canada

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Dear Sonal
    A beautiful article which has touched the reality of marriage. Being in marital union for 30+ years just like your Dad Godwin, we too had our share of ups and downs but at the end of it, it is the best thing that has happened in our lives. I hope your article is read by young adults who are confused about marriage. All your articles are thought provoking. Keep on writing Sonal and bring about awareness to so many social evil in our current high tech world.

    Agree [8]

  • Koshy, Kerala

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Nice article sonalji.. beautifully expressed the true essence of marriage..

    Agree [6]

  • Tharannum, Bangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Nice one

    Agree [3]

  • Rakshitha vhavle, Bangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Beautifully described about the marriage ma'am

    Agree [5]

  • Harshitha, Bangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Good one Sonal.. as usual very well written

    Agree [7]

  • Ray, Bengaluru

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Love your writing. The topics u chose are quiet realistic and relevant. Today most of them seem to be ignoring the essence and beauty of marriage. A must read for all of them. Well done.

    Agree [5]

  • Martha, Bengaluru

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    The concept of bonding is beautifully expressed. Marriage is more than celebrations and merry, it's a commitment to stay together. Wonderful writing.

    Agree [4]

  • Elwyn Goveas, Valencia

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Very good article.Well written Sonal Lobo
    The following things should make marriage works
    1. Both are mentally prepared for taking up the responsibilities.
    2.Desire to grow
    3. Respect and love towards each other.
    4. Money and materials should come later bond
    5.Patience and compassion too that everybody is human.
    Last but not the least they should not forget the way they got married in the first place and commitment should be honoured with heart

    Agree [6]

  • Haston Lobo, Mangalore/Bejai

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Beautiful explained!!! Good read.

    Agree [4]

  • Alwyn Johnson Quadros, Shirva/Dubai

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Very nicely written article. thank and all the best.

    Agree [3]

  • Francis Saldanha, Bahrain

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes, promise to never to give up on each other, unconditional love and sacrifices! if the married couple can work on these ......then any marriage will be a success story for sure.
    Nice article dear Sonal...enjoyed reading your perspective on the subject: Marriage: Good or Bad!

    Agree [5]

  • Priya Lobo, Mangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Always thought of marriage as a burden Never thought of marriage in this perspective beautifully written girl😊😊

    Agree [4]

  • Mariette, Mangalore/Bangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Very nicely written Sonal. Keep it up.

    Agree [7]

  • deepika baskaran, Bangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Well thought and written. Felt like I have written this article as I also have a similar perspective. Proud of you girl :)

    Agree [7]

  • Amruta Kulkarni, Bangalore

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Very well written sonu !! 😄

    Agree [8]

  • Hilda d silva, kallianpur/Loretto

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Am so happy to read your views.I am in family life ministry of udipi diocese.Fully endorse your view that marriage is a beautiful relationship.Hope our youth realize the sanctity and beauty of marriage.God bless you.

    Agree [12]

  • Akil Vijay DSouza, Udupi/Bangaluru

    Mon, Feb 19 2018

    Nice and Apt Article dear Sonal. Keep Writing!

    Agree [8]


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