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Will the silent tears of harassed men find recourse?


Florine Roche
Daijiworld Media Network

 
Mangalore, Aug 22: “All women are victims and all men are aggressors” - this   was the global trend until feminist movement of the late 60s and early 70s led to a change in the mindset and then in the treatment of women by the men folks.  However, in the 21st century it looks like there is a role reversal though not to the extent of what was witnessed a century back.   These days we come across many instances of men committing suicide unable to bear the combined onslaught of harassment from their wives and their in-laws families.   

Statistics too reveal that in India the number of married men committing suicide has doubled as compared to married women and this ratio of harassed men committing suicide  is four times high in the US. 

In the last few years Karnataka has been witnessing a sharp increase among men who resort to the extreme step of committing suicide.  The incident of suicide by KAS officer S R Ravikumar of Kolar had hanged himself in the first week of August this year and the police arresting his wife Sukanya on charges of abetment to suicide had grabbed media headlines. 

A week after Ravikumar’s suicide a Bangalore-based business consultant father of a one year old child Santhosh Reddy   hanged himself after coming home from a shopping spree.   Frequent fights between the couple is said to be the reason for Santhosh  (32) taking such an extreme step.  There are many Ravikumars and Santhosh Reddys in Karnataka who are exceedingly receptive to putting an end to their lives rather than live a life of daily hell.  Such incidents rather paint a grim picture of the situation reaching a disquieting proportion.
Abetment by wives

As per the statistics in  Karntaka 8596 men committed suicide in Karnataka in 2012 as compared to 4519 women for the same year.  The same trend continued in 2013 also as per the statistics available for the first two months of 2013.   About 1396 men committed suicide in these two months as against 456 suicides committed by women.  In most these cases it is women who are accused of abetment to suicide by men. 

Statistics also reveal that it is the educated men who are prone to commit suicide when faced with harassment from their wives.  Men employed in MNC’s, Software Companies, BPO’s etc., are more prone to suicide as compared to others.  Stressed as they are in their place of work,  any further burden in the form of harassment only adds to their cup of woes driving them to suicide.

According to experts the misuse of some of the gender biased laws towards women is the main culprit in driving men to take the extreme step.  Dowry harassment and cruelty laws and Domestic Violence Act which were originally meant for protecting women, are misused by some women. 

There are loopholes in all laws and women naturally have discovered several of them in the existing Indian judicial system.  They are using them to harass all or most of the husband’s family that includes mothers, sisters, sisters-in-law, elderly  grandparents, disabled individuals and even very young children.

Many husbands are almost captive in the hands of such wives who don’t hesitate to misuse these laws through specious complaints.   Many wives harass men only to speed up the process of divorce and continue to bleed the men dry even after divorce as an act of vindictiveness, until nothing is left for them to lead a decent life.   These hapless men are harassed and forced to meet unreasonable demands of their wives, have to endure their unruly behavior and are falsely implicated in legal cases.  This is an emerging social evil and gender biased laws which discriminate against men pave the way for increased injustice in the society, as happened with the Domestic Violence Act.  As per this act only women are allowed to file a complaint against men   which is unreasonable considering that 42% of the victims who commit suicides in matrimonial disputes are men, according to source from Ministry of Home Affairs.

Men usually commit suicide as they are unable to face the humiliation suffered that comes as a baggage with the complaint of dowry harassment that includes a few days of arrest, loss of job in certain cases, humiliation in the society, the harassment of his family members and a big question mark on their reputation. Having faced humiliation these men prefer to die rather than going to jail or attend court case and living in disgrace.  Those who choose to face the problem live under the constant threat of imprisonment hanging like a Damocles Sword.  

Gender biased laws

Gender biased laws were prevalent the world over especially with regard to alimony.  Alimony has been the most dreading factor for men to come out of tumultuous marriages and violent wives in US and European countries.  Alimony has ruined many a million men the world over financially, economically and socially leading to high suicides among men. 

However, internationally there is a major shift in the mindset of people towards alimony laws and some countries have even eliminated “lifetime” alimony laws.  A lot has been done in these countries by men’s rights activists and men’s rights organizations to bring about some semblance of change or to go in for gender neutral sexual harassment laws.

Paradoxically, the alarming suicide rate among men in India has never been able to strike the right chord with the sensibilities of the society.  So much so, the situation has not warranted even a knee-jerk reaction from any one.   There is a general feeling that legal authorities and the administration are biased towards women in our country to such an extent that they are totally oblivious of the hardship, mental torture, anguish and public ignominy suffered by men. 

This is evident from the fact that our country is still bent upon importing one-sided anti-male laws which suits its gender agenda and political machinations.  India had brought Violence against Women act from USA and implemented it as Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act in 2005.   But it has many loopholes and even the Supreme Court has observed that the Domestic Violence Act is full of loopholes and needs to be rewritten. Certainly, the court has been sensitive enough to anticipate the probability of its misuse.   However, the government also has plans to introduce a new law to seek divorce on a new ground through Marriage Laws amendment bill, which is going to further add to the misery of men. 

In the event of abuse men in India don’t have any legal recourse.  Even if harassed men take legal recourse, it is going to be a   Sisyphean task for them to come out unscathed keeping their morale high.  What is even more pathetic is that even after divorce men continue to face harassment from ex-wives on diverse grounds, enough to make a sane man insane.  

Having learnt a bitter lesson some men has formed Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF) in 2005 to fight the cause of Indian men.  SIFF is networked with Helpline telephone numbers in Bangaloe, Chennai, Cochin, Delhi, Gujarat, Mumbai Nasik, Surat, Kolkotta and other places for distressed husbands and their family members. 

The misuse of law in India is emerging as one more social evil further threatening the very fabric of our family life.  One wonders how long the sufferings of the men and their families would go unnoticed or unheard in our country.   How many more precious lives will have to be lost before steps are initiated to restore sanity and justice to harassed men and their families?

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Comment on this article

  • PRIYANKA , OSMANABAD

    Mon, Apr 20 2015

    I agree because right now my maternal uncle is going through same situation.his wife misused 498a aginst my mother and father in past .write now she is blackmailing my uncle for money she used to abuse my mother,grand mother,and my father in very chief language.she used to abuse my uncle at his work place,in society.her daughter is aiso supporting her in doing this,she had beaten him many times.my uncle is handicapped he found helpless while she beats him and her daughter also helps him in doing so.she refused to take divorce from my uncle.she is misusing political support by the help of one lady.the purpose of this comment is only to help my uncle and men like them.i just want to tell you that any person who may be man or woman should not misuse any act like 498a.and there should punishment for that person for misusing the act and disturbing innocent peoples daily life.

    DisAgree Agree [3] Reply Report Abuse

  • kiran, AP

    Fri, Dec 6 2013

    My wife and her relatives - continuously degrading me. She is very enjoying while i am crying. but she and her mother is acting as good person on behalf of the public and my relatives. They are always blackmailing me with the 498a and other cases on men. She got very good political support. my mother, sister brother and me have no choice where to go. she also make calls to co leagues at my job. she completely degrades me. why the INDIAN courts understand our situation. if it continues, only suicide is the only option for men. Please make some changes in the DV and 498 acts and support men as well as innocent women.

    DisAgree [4] Agree [19] Reply Report Abuse

  • nagaraj, davangere

    Thu, Feb 16 2017

    even same problem m facing please give me any option are suggestions even I decide to suicide ,day by day they giving me big tourcher and they doing blackmail , please give me any suggestions ,,its my humble request

    DisAgree Agree Reply Report Abuse

  • Al, Delhi

    Mon, Sep 2 2013

    Law is egalitarian - for the good of most – not all! Tell me one law/system that is perfect for all! You cannot speak for all women as you have to experience household torture to come to terms with what scums we humans can be. I have a first-hand experience of how horrible men and/or their families can be and how bad women and/or their kin can be. Not sure if you have experienced both sides in your family!
    You might not understand what “living hell” means – see from the eyes of a woman who has been married for many years in a house full of conceited and deceitful people who ask for dowry continually (although indirectly!), and keep pestering every single day on some pretext or the other! Then you come back and tell me whether the laws are right or not. Also, I am quite educated but am appalled at the indifference and judgemental attitude of us Indians.
    Please do not get me wrong, I am not saying that your statement that women are misusing laws is flawed, I implore you see how these laws help the many women that actually require it!
    Should we not debate the institution of marriage…is it relevant today when it has become a lottery for the man and the woman? What is the solution to this fighting and harassment, to domestic violence, to household torture?
    I do not blame a single party. We must all learn to keep our heads held high and fight for our rights – man or woman. As soon as a woman feels she is being oppressed, she should raise her voice and her family must take notice, same with men. A stitch in time saves nine!

    DisAgree [2] Agree [4] Reply Report Abuse

  • aster,

    Mon, Jun 15 2015

    Yes yes...only prostitution is correct form of living....Family system itself is wrong....correct?...keep on your wisdom !!!

    DisAgree [2] Agree Reply Report Abuse

  • christine, manglore/kuwait

    Tue, Aug 27 2013

    Best gift is each other to give time attention and love,we must not to forget to tell sorry to the partner for Any mistake.
    words,forgive me,thanks,love you always must be there for each other.in that love wil grow,One hand give other hand take back.what we sow we reap,without giving don’t exept.we slap a child and ask her or him kiss we want get
    Without exam no result,without trail no triumph,without war no victory,without sacrifice no success,without work no salary Without food body is weak,no love relation is weak,no adjust life is worst.
    without God and his help no peace,joy and blessings,if have than short period so seek the kingdom of god first and will get rest try through God,taste and you will get best enjoy,give thanks and praise God rather than world
    start life with love not rule,laws and commands.forcefully you will not gain,but loose.with love rule will work.
    Honor your parents,and live long happy and healthy life
    First place for God,in life,he will lead,build and prosper your worldly life
    2nd place give your life partner respect in young age ln old u will not neglected harrased or lonely.
    If u are right with God than if opposite partner harrase,neglect u than God will hit that person and bring to your feet.what God has joined let man not separate in you.
    Who will enter to destroy u,God will punish them,
    Entering marriage covanant.our soul be clean and bright than cloths,God will please that and will bless,
    In marriage always we want get roses,rose coming out from the plant of thorns,
    so up down,bitter sweater,pain sorrow,joy,happiness and sad all incuded for all,
    we can get lose and victory fail and pass.ln that Pray,Ask God for patience.
    God created human fulfilling all daily bases needs,in that god kept one thing balance not to eat fruit of the one tree Same that way god kept things balance in everyone life but god is bigger than that thing,he can solve if we let him let God take control all situation in our life God Bless you.

    DisAgree [4] Agree [3] Reply Report Abuse

  • Ramchandra Kini, Mangalore

    Tue, Aug 27 2013

    'GOD FEARING' does not mean that the person is a SAINT. Most of these 'GOD FEARING' people are humbugs ! Many people spend hours in a Temple / Church / Mosque etc. But when they return home they are totally a different / cruel person.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse

  • aroon, mangalore

    Sun, Aug 25 2013

    There is a saying that behind every successful man there is a woman but what about so many instances where behind every miserable ans suffering man also there is a woman.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [9] Reply Report Abuse

  • Reshma, Mangalore

    Sun, Aug 25 2013

    @Manish- to answer your question, I do not have even half an individual in my Facebook that I wished I would have married. Once u r married, u love that person and accept that person. They are not perfect and so also you. Would u see someone else that has qualities ur husband or wife doesn't have? Of course u will, but does that make u regret who u have married? I don't. That is like saying because my neighbours son gets better marks and is more obedient than mine, i wish he was my son. A parent must be quite pathetic to do so.
    I guess we don't see eye to eye is because I do not like the way u generalise and draw up conclusions, like how u have once again commented on how men forget all your past ( isn't that convenient) and we terrible women are so petty and unsatisfied that we are just end up making your lives miserable. It's ok to have differing opinions, and mine differs from yours and the many who agree with you.

    DisAgree [7] Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse

  • christine, manglore/kuwait

    Sat, Aug 24 2013

    I was mistaken when submit. Sorry for my mistake.
    My comment went long when some tried to erase words erased without reading I submitted,I correct it now.
    We cant tell All God fearing girls or boys are good.There are devils too in church,

    Mattew 11 word 11 said "Assuredly, I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist but he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [3] Reply Report Abuse

  • Prema D souza, Mangalore

    Sat, Aug 24 2013

    Hi, Right now i m doing my research in Mangalore university, i have chosen domestic violence against women in m'lore city as my Research topic, after reading dis article & comments i am surprised to know that men also under go domestic violence. So i am thinking to include both men & women in my research study. i will be grateful, if some of you could send me your experience of domestic violence to my personnel e-mail: dprema17@yahoo.com, I assure you that the information so gathered will only be used for academic purpose & will be considered strictly confidential....thank you

    DisAgree [2] Agree [14] Reply Report Abuse

  • christine, manglore/kuwait

    Sat, Aug 24 2013

    Every community There are good and bad people.women,mans too.All God fearing girls or boys are good.There are also devils too,
    Before women being abused and ill treated by men,husbands and in laws,our time people not enjoyed life as now who enjoy,but we want our children to be enjoy.
    In marriage we has look charectors,habits family background of person,how they raised and family line.instead of we choose to look their personality,position and education,position education, carreer,here we fail.
    Main point married people must give much time for each other rather than other things,that love and fellowship build relation(love forgive,forget,encourage,build up relation…)and if we don’t give time for each other and we treat only in authority than opposite person may choose that from other person,and may problem start.here all has to be care full(all are not same)after blaming or going hell of lonliness and deppression all has to think first.
    If have any problem than,speak with someone counselor or spiritual person rather than speaking in family,and try to solve.if spoke in family instead of peace sometime it will be burn in fire.and if one time problems comes in marriage and if it will not solved quickly and it will go longer than it is hard to build up again hatred bitterness,anger will work and destroy peace,love joy …
    if father is alcoholic children also 80% will be.same way marriage break,divorce,some kind sickness…will follow same.It will effect not everyone some in family mostly who was much loved by that persons(according word of God its curse in families going on until some one stand gap and break and apply blessing)we don’t know what our generation gone through so before marriage has to go for retreat.
    one church pastor said they do seminar and counceling couple before they wed,and pray,break all genaration curses so that marriage wont break,will go well
    according to the word God,man is the head of the house,man has to take responsibility fulfill that.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [4] Reply Report Abuse

  • Rudolf Rodrigues, Mangalore/Mumbai

    Sat, Aug 24 2013

    @Christine, I do not understand what one means by "God fearing" person and how he is superior to an atheist in any way?

    The rut has set in due to falling moral values due to influence of media/films, easy access to porn, rising incomes, good nutrition, and social media sites acting as catalysts!!

    Moreover with so much of mixing of the sexes at places of work greatly increases the propensity to start flings or long term affairs for the thrill of it or for some reason!! You have to see the amount of such affairs especially in call centers where it is considered normal even for many married women!!

    In most of the cases out here what has happened is the men were out slogging earning petro dollars and sending all their savings back in the wives names and some even buying properties in their names reposing full trust that they would not misuse it!! Once easy money comes in combined with good nutrition and no mental stress, the Satan in the mind sets out seeking means for physical gratification and other adventures without the knowledge of the man and by the time he comes to know about it he is nowhere, even the children do not support because they will be pocketed by the force of money, gifts, et al and the man is ruined, literally on the roads!!

    And it is not true to say that children of all alcoholics become one themselves, I have so many families where children have learned positively from the parents bad habit and reached places and do not drink themselves so we cannot generalize on that and so also so many so called God fearing families without any bad habits ruined for some strange reason!!

    And then there are families in whom such wicked tendencies run!!

    All in all the present law gives strong fire power to women with evil desires and loose morals to destroy the very man who trusted them to the hilt.
    Having a casual affair by mistake and forgetting is another thing, but well planned agendas to extort are the burning issue that torment men!!!

    DisAgree [2] Agree [13] Reply Report Abuse

  • Manish Shetty, Derebail/Mangalore

    Sat, Aug 24 2013

    @Reshma Mangalore. I am young yes but old enough to realise the truth and accept it. I am not saying all girls in facebook are bad or all men in facebook are bad. Difference with men and women in this case is. Men get married and forget everything about thier past. Women are always unsatisfied and dwell in their past.
    Don't tell me you don't have that one man in your Facebook that you still wish you had married.

    DisAgree [5] Agree [9] Reply Report Abuse

  • Rudolf Rodrigues, Mangalore

    Fri, Aug 23 2013

    It is only that the atrocities against men has increased by leaps and bounds by unscrupulous women supported by their families with hidden agenda of usurping a part of the property and savings of the man!!

    The law is misused more than being used for genuine cases!! Today women have become very bold and liberal and due to proliferation of social sites et al do not think twice before entering extra marital relationships, this happens mostly when the husband is away from home and with all the money and good nutrition they get fantasies and desires which they fulfill outside and as the time goes the relation gets so intimate they forget their husbands but only his money and property!!

    It is not that all working women are like that but the propensity to get attracted to a younger and handsome male is much there and many have clandestine affairs, for this one has to go and work in any big call center in metro cities like Mumbai and see for themselves!!
    I have seen so many such cases especially when men are abroad! In one case an innocent chap slogging as a driver in Gulf getting leave once in two years was surprised to find his wife have made a small accommodation for a worker (coolie) in their owned land after developing intimate relationship with him, the poor husband had to leave his job and rush back to save his family, but still continues for the sake of his family and old age!!! Even seen rickshaw drivers being intimate with ladies from very good and educated families when husbands are slogging in Gulf!!

    Only want to express that this is on the rise hence the hue and cry all over of women using legal extortion with the help of some wicked insane family members!!

    Day is not far off when live in relationships will takeover from marriage due to all such problems in which many a man and his family have gotten ruined!! Thanks DW and Florine for writing on this hot issue without any bias!!

    DisAgree [3] Agree [14] Reply Report Abuse

  • Dr. Rajesh Shetty, Padubidri / New York

    Fri, Aug 23 2013

    "Oedipus Complex" is a very big issue which breaks up many a marriage. Please browse the internet on this topic and you would be hell shocked.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [8] Reply Report Abuse

  • pratheesh, Mangalore,

    Fri, Aug 23 2013

    I am NRI working in Gulf.

    this is the reason my wife always fights for silly reasons and pressuring me to sell my ancestral property which came for me and stay very far from my parents and relatives so that she can live happily with her fiancee......
    so that she can file a divorce case and missuse the law......

    DisAgree Agree [16] Reply Report Abuse

  • Reshma, Mangalore

    Fri, Aug 23 2013

    I am really surprised to see that women have not responded to this article. I do agree that all of this is happening with some women taking advantage, but for centuries we have seen women being abused and ill treated by men, husbands and in laws, discriminated and thought that is her lot in life. Comments from readers even now suggest that - that a woman with a career has affairs, a woman who doesn't work is lazy and gossips and drains her husbands bank account. Manish, you look like a young guy - don't let a few instances that are highlighted mess up your thinking.... Your comment that women with facebook or on social media having a dark side is very irresponsible and disturbing. With that kind of mentality it is better that you don't marry and subject someone else's precious daughter to your warped perceptions of the world and womankind.
    The truth is mankind is sinful and if you don't have God in your life anything is ok to do. Our standards and measuring stick are from our culture, or elders or what seems right. Only when our standards are of God and we fear Him and do what pleases him by loving others and not wishing evil on others can we lead happy and peaceful lives which also doesnt judge people based on gender or class. Yes, I am offended as a woman on the comments and the portrayal of woman as evil out to destroy men of the world!

    DisAgree [20] Agree [12] Reply Report Abuse

  • Jacintha, Mangalore

    Fri, Aug 23 2013

    Reshma - kudos for the clear thinking and expressions, here and in 'US girl observation on India'.

    Yes, men are highlighting few instances of their abuse. May be the present generation of men are paying for the deeds of past generations, were women were abused mercilessly.

    But from few instances that I have seen, men who go for external attributes while choosing a partner, fall prey to wickedness. The woman knows that she has a sway and she uses i. If men choose a partner with careful consideration to their personality, situation, position and education, then they will not end-up in misery.

    Women are free thinking individuals as much as men are. They command equal respect if not more. So men, watch what you say, because your existence is courtsey a mother, a wife, a sister and a daughter - cleaning, cooking, humoring and giving you togetherness. Occassional few instances, do not generalize and offend women in your lives.

    DisAgree [13] Agree [12] Reply Report Abuse

  • Peter Lewis, Kalmady/k s a

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Husband Become Alcoholic mainly because of this reason.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [30] Reply Report Abuse

  • Francis Fernandes, Modankap Bantwal

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Dear Daiji readers there is more to this heart wrenching story, The sisters planned their Divorce plan so well with the help of their US brother first they all were waiting for their mother to die (cancer), then they consulted throughly with lawyers (husbands had no clue).Now one problem was church comes in between ( church dosent approve divorce without valid reason), so one of them joined Jehovas witness, another stopped going to church, third became new life. The brother sent money, and gifts to sisters children to keep them quiet and only talk was we dont care for society and church. Only aim to live American dream and once the children are 18 they are indipendent and imigrate them to USA.Now the readers may ask why the husbands were quiet? actually these seven sisters family was very poor and whatever thier good life is because of their husbands.
    sad part is the facebook boyfriends of these women enjoyed sex, wealth and also gave crook ideas how to rid of their husbands.
    Adding fuel to fire some famous catholic lawyers of mangalore fell for US dollars and drafted cases of domestic violence.
    So Ten commandments are broken, now they threw away wedding ring- ( which was blessed by 8 priests on wedding day) and mangalsuthra and when the husband landed from gulf he had the shock of his life- Divorce paper.As an obligation husbnads approached the clergy, but once the woman has left religion what advice church can give?
    Now the US brother didnt stop there he wants his sisters to marry their facebook friends and to take them to USA and live happily.
    I never in my wildest dreams thought a village boy and his sisters would create such a nuisense in our catholic community

    DisAgree [1] Agree [24] Reply Report Abuse

  • BENJAMIN, KARWAR

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Dear Francis Fernandes, Modankap, Bantwal
    Noted the heart rendering comment you have published for a victimized person
    I can’t imagine and believe that in the Christian community also having these types of evils to destroy the future of his married sisters family life. This type of brother to be slashed in public by foot wears and handed over to the publics for his final fate. The cruel lady destroyed a person’s married life and his family and enjoying with others means, she is not a human beings in this society. Even God also will not save her in her future life.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [28] Reply Report Abuse

  • Duje Porob, Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Men commit suicides not out of timidness but when they come to know that their wives are enjoying / having affair with their bosses (if the woman is working) or rich friends or neighbours when they are working abroad or on voyage in the seas.

    DisAgree [3] Agree [22] Reply Report Abuse

  • Alban Andrew, Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Nowdays filing a false dowry add Harasement Complaint have become common and easy way for extracting money for the girls and lawyer. This happen to me regarding my son who got married and then took his wife to Gulf and she was always demanding inspite of all the basic facilities given to her and all the expenses of marraige bored by us. After coming to gulf they were frequent quarrel,misunderstanding, arugment between them and then one day she told that she want to go back to India saying her mom his ill and she want to get divorce and will not demand anything. but after coming to India she and family showed their true color filed a false case again me and my family where my mom was called to Police station as we all were working in gulf we could not come leaving our job . and then Later she demanded huge amount as compensation which i belive their entire family have never seen in their life. Lastly we had no other option and one sided indian law we had to shed a few laks of our hard earned money. So guys please be beware when marrying this type of girls whose main purpose is money .please have a through backgroung check while marrying divorcee girls. I dont say all are bad but 90%.
    God only save men in India where the law is favoured to girls inspite of she being wrong.
    Information can be provided. it is a true life incident and not just a story and taht girl family is in Dubai now.

    DisAgree Agree [27] Reply Report Abuse

  • Flavian, Mangalore/Kuwait

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Dear Francis,

    OMG !

    Some minor incidents or flaws may take place or happen in the married life. This is because we are human beings and bound do some mistakes due to oversight or negligence towards each other’s committed oath but we should learn to forgive & adjust life. What happened in that family (of 7 sisters) is sheer habitual practice of living a sinful life I believe.

    No concern for one’s own dignity and self-respect. Where this material life (flesh & pleasure) will take us. Everything will perish. Even sweet or sour memories will vanish. Then it will too late to regret. Terrible.

    DisAgree Agree [21] Reply Report Abuse

  • debs, dxb/blr

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    The problem exists truly as stated. rather than harping on the merits and demerits of each case, the need of the hour is to have a counselling mechanism in place. There is one in B'Lore by the name voice of the battered husbands or so, which is bunkus. The given telephone nos. are not responsive. If there is a genuine org. for this then i request that its address and details be published please. A good freind of mine is in desperate need of help.

    DisAgree Agree [17] Reply Report Abuse

  • Alan, M'lore

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Preaching is easy say men who commit suicide are timid.
    You'll only understand if you have underpassed this ordeal.
    Because i have passed through

    DisAgree [2] Agree [18] Reply Report Abuse

  • Francis Fernandes, Modankap Bantwal

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Dear Flavian , this is a real incident, it is not over, the brother is coming with dollars next week thats what my neighbours told, divorce case is in the family courts of mangalore may be also next month hearing. a christian lawyer( also a political leader) defending the woman. Facebook is these ladies famous destination to search for young men, The woman roams in a car and was always in city mall with her boyfriend and going to beauty parlour. Her husband who was also our village is in gulf and half dead. Children are useless not supportive to father.this is not story of one house there are many like this." A spark neglected burns the house". once again family is very important. the family that prays together stays together

    DisAgree Agree [40] Reply Report Abuse

  • Flavian, Mangalore?Kuwait

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Francis Fernandes,


    At a glance , seeing your comments I thought it is a big essay and I was in two minds to go through but going through line by line I was spell bound to know if such things would happen in our society.
    Believe me, this is the first time I am coming across such s sickening & disgusting things to happen in the married life.

    I hope the husbands who are deep sleep will wask up to the call and make right arrangements (to safe guard their assets) with out further delay.

    DisAgree Agree [22] Reply Report Abuse

  • J Dal , BVR

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    If a woman in power would try to give everything in women's favour to gain votes.. The congress party suffering from woman leader suffocating every men in her party...
    Thats why indian judiciary became biased toward men in domestic violence issues... IT is all because of reservation towards woman even in judicial system... what are they trying to prove????
    Woman has every power to ruin the life of her husband but man just sweats to loose everything...

    DisAgree [3] Agree [14] Reply Report Abuse

  • Harry Pinto, Mangalore/Dubai

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    First of all sincere thanks to writer and daiji. Let me explain how my life jeopardized by ungrateful wife.Everthing was fine as long as I lived in Muscat with my family for alomost 10 years.I shifted my employment to Dubai in 2007.My wife with children stayed back in Mangalore.I built my own mansion,childrens got seat in reputed colleges.Unfortunately my wfe who was in early fourties had other fantacies.She started investing my money in private finances.A young man from bunt community in the guise of helping her become friendy and the relationship become intimate.She used to bring him home when childrens go to school and started having affair.She started roaming with him,visiting restaurants amd malls.Her brother is in U.S and evil minded.He systematically encouraged her in her every deeds because he himself is a loose charector.He is unmarried gay and also athiest.My wife had given me divorce notice.Claiming for alimony and the property.So far she had misused my savings.Spent huge sum on costly ornaments.I am under tremendous stress and suffering.She even brainwashed my chidren.I feel there are hundreds of similar cases in Mangalore.I wonder is there anything worst than such betrayal?

    DisAgree Agree [53] Reply Report Abuse

  • M W Pereira, Mangalore / Fano, Italia

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Good day to all!
    A famous quote comes to mind.
    "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" - William Shakespeare
    I have gone through this type of situation many times.
    I need not say more since the beautifully written article reflects somewhat about me.
    However, I faced the problems bravely and life's challenges.
    I do respect men who commit suicide.It means they are cowards who cannot face their problems boldly. My own elder brother committed suicide.
    I do not even go to their funeral.
    Have a nice day all of you.

    DisAgree [3] Agree [17] Reply Report Abuse

  • Flavian, Mangalore/Kuwait

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Francis heart-rending incident

    At a glance seeing your comments I thought it is a big essay and I was in two minds to go through but going through line by line I was spell bound to know if such things happen in our society.

    Believe me, this is the first time I am coming across such s sickening & disgusting things to happen in the married life.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [8] Reply Report Abuse

  • Francis Fernandes, Modankap Bantwal

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    “A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones” Proverbs 12:4
    There is a boy in my neighbourhood, who is working in USA and financing his sister’s divorce from their husbands, encouraging his sisters to have affairs with younger boys and live free life. His the only brother of seven sisters, studied in catholic school, and graduated from prestigious college of mangalore. Once he went to US he d himself a gay and refused to marry.
    All seven sisters good fortunes came only after their Marriage and with their hard working Husbands who toiled in the gulf to give a good life to their wives who have become so ungrateful that they virtually neglect their husbands , by falling in love with young boys of 8 to 13 years their younger, bringing them home, transferring all the money from their husbands bank accounts, feeding their boyfriends in restaurants and going on a spending spree. Insisting on transferring the house property in their name, and moving out of the house to live with these young boys not even bothering about kids and grown up daughters. . The only motive is to live a American dream as promised by their unmarried brother The women immediately after the marriage behaved like sati savithri first getting clear view of her husbands assets. The unsuspecting husband will give his wife everything from gold to diamonds as demanded by wife.

    Irony is The same brother and his younger sisters stayed in their br. In laws house and went to college, even marriage expenses were borne by br-in laws, today Husband is on street and woman has made the house in her US brothers name.

    Now the three sisters have succeeded in getting divorce, that too with false allegations and sadly Christian lawyers. One lady is active member in church activities. Even the church priest refused to take her husbands plea. There is one saying in kannada “ Maryade bittavaru oorige doddavaru” When money and sex becomes the priority in life there is no stopping and that too if a woman stumbles then the family is gone, and children will be in dire straits. A family is the basis of human existence and most importantly a woman who plays the part of a mother, wife, daughter and a friend.

    DisAgree [3] Agree [63] Reply Report Abuse

  • Flavian, Mangalore/Kuwait

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Dear Manish,


    Please do not be discouraged by others bad experiences and when you get married, do not forget tosend me an invite.

    DisAgree Agree [13] Reply Report Abuse

  • CONRAD JOHN TAURO, SHIRVA/UDUPI/DUBAI

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Naari Nara Amara.

    DisAgree Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse

  • Jude, Mangalore Dubai

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    In a country where rapes, acid attacks, molestations and dowry deaths occur every other day, we surely must have tough laws to root out these evils and punish the guilty who commit these atrocities. At the same time, it is wrong for the law to presume that only men are evil and all women are under privileged, innocent and holy. There are equal number of gold diggers amongst women who harass and blackmail men and send them to their deaths. The law should be equal and fair to all and see that men to get justice and protection from harassment, false accusations and black mail by women.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [26] Reply Report Abuse

  • Allen, Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    There may be a few cases of some men committing suicide owing to harassment by their wives, this must be because of their timid nature or their weak nature. Its a real shame on such people to be called as men!

    DisAgree [33] Agree [12] Reply Report Abuse

  • Manish Shetty, Derebail/Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Thanks, All the points were collected by watching people suffer and gaining their experience.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [21] Reply Report Abuse

  • Flavian , Mangalore/Kuwait

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Very good Article by Daiji.

    Hi Manish Shetty, Derebail

    Your points are well guiding ones. Especially, Point No. 4

    Thanks

    DisAgree [1] Agree [15] Reply Report Abuse

  • nannu, mangalore

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    HOLIDAY IS DAY WHEN MAN STOPS DOING WHAT HIS BOSS WANTS & STARTS DOING WHAT HIS WIFE WANTS...!! IF MAN DOES NOT DO WHAT BOSS WANTS IN OFFICE HE WILL FIRED AND IF DOES NOT DO WHAT WIFE WANTS IN HOUSE HE WILL BE HANGED...

    DisAgree [3] Agree [17] Reply Report Abuse

  • Manish Shetty, Derebail/Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Tips for unmarried men( TOUGH REALITY!!)
    1) Sad but true try not to marry anyone with a divorce case in their family, Either sister or cousin sister. No matter what the world says influence by the bad apple will always be present trying to get revenge on all men.
    2) Even though you don't take dowry, Check the financial status of the girls family, Too much loans will automatically in future try to milk you for money or cut the golden egg laying hen(Thats you)
    3) Check how much career oriented the girl is before marriage, Cause if you are NRE and working abroad if she cannot get a job there then she will leave you and try to get the money from you from the all the months she didnt work through DV.
    4) Don't think God fearing means the girl is good. Every girl with a facebook or social media has a dark side.
    5) Last point but important one, Make then sign a PRENUP of possible, This is a USA model where husband and wife sign a agreement if the marriage fails the property and finance are agreed in prior.

    Best of luck to the unmarried(Like me)

    DisAgree [8] Agree [63] Reply Report Abuse

  • Ayes P., Mangalore/KSA

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Some women (wives) are misusing the laws because they have illegal relationships and/or extra marital affairs so husbands should not raise any questions against that instead of mum spectacular. If husband raise any question, wives are trying to harass husband and threaten to false complaint against the husband for dowry and harassment from the husband and in-laws.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [41] Reply Report Abuse

  • vivek baliga, Bangalore/Abohar

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Thank you Daiji.... this article was long long due, hats off to you guys. there is a rampant misuse of Section 498A, and the people in the Temple of justice are aware, but are helpless as the amendment in legislation has not yet happened, there are huge issues here, Fathers are portraited in bad light to the children, custody is taken off, hard earned money swindled.. and yet we are told to keep a brave face, you approach the courts, there are numerous ways to dorge the case and drag it for years to make on feel lost and dejected. the way things are going looks like the next big war would be either for water or the war for survival between Sexes....

    DisAgree Agree [27] Reply Report Abuse

  • Nelson Lobo, Mangalore/Doha

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    I am gratefull to the writer for the wonderfull article.Now a days criminal minded woman misuse this law.There are plenty instances in Mangalore alone.One of my relatives suffering.He was working in middle east.Later he lost the job and continued working in India.His wife befriended young males and had illegal relation using social networking.Sadest part is she applied for the divorce with a petition of domestic violence.Poor husband running pillar to post to defend enevthough it is not his fault.Government must ammend the law related to family disputes.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [38] Reply Report Abuse

  • Manish Shetty, Derebail/Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    Nice article as always Ms.Florine Roche.
    It's true something has to be done. There should be equal laws for all, This is what women want also right? Men should be able to file harassment case. Men suffer more but will not go to law cause of ego as well as fear of society.
    Men committing suicides are increasing. Sooner or later it will go to murder(of harresing wife) then suicide for men, Government should take this seriously and avoid false cases based on weakness for women's tears.
    Real women live happily with her husband and her family without trying to break everything up. That's why women is great.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [44] Reply Report Abuse

  • Valerian Dsouza, Udupi/Mumbai

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    There are criminal minded Men
    There are criminal minded Women

    But Law shouldn't be biased it should be fair to both men and women.

    When the law is favorable to women and biased to men it inspires and gives encouragement to CUNNING women to misuse the law against men specially sober natured!

    Most of the Women will not dare to take legal battle against Criminal minded men for fear of repercussions!
    But surely sober ones will become victims of cunning women!

    DisAgree [1] Agree [46] Reply Report Abuse

  • Thomas, bantwal

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    It is true, thanks Mr.Francies for disclosing real story, God bless you, Hope these lady's now understand their mistakes...

    DisAgree Agree [15] Reply Report Abuse

  • Valerian DSouza, Udupi / Mumbai

    Thu, Aug 22 2013

    High incidence of harassed are men working in Gulf Countries.
    They slog there, send money to family for house hold expenses and to buy property.
    Wife buy property in her name for the husband is away.
    For expenses, no questions asked. Children find Daddy irritating for his discipline lecture.
    Finally when old Man returns home to settle many are rejected by their own.
    Very disgusting story for blindly trusting their own!

    DisAgree Agree [25] Reply Report Abuse

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Title : Will the silent tears of harassed men find recourse?


 
 
 
 

 
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