My Wedding Blues

Aug 7, 2020

Marriage is one of the important milestones in every person’s life. Almost everyone dreams of this big day and plans it much ahead. But what about life after this big planned day? Some of you married out there, would agree to this, it’s not always ‘Happily ever after’ but it could be ‘The love, the wedding, and the hideous period of crying’. Yes, you heard it right.

‘Post Wedding Blues’ is one of the most ignored topics but is a reality. The piled-up stress to plan your dream day, the excitement and tension seem to be pouring its side effects when the event is finally done. In majority, brides are seen to get the blues than the groom.

My Confession 1:

It’s December. The Christmas season and we Manglorean Christians call it a wedding season (Mangalore is a city located in Southern India). It was a day before my wedding, I am all excited to walk the aisle decked up in white. The bridal feeling is all over me. I do the last-minute checklist for the next day. I’m counting the hours. I see my house glittering with lights and filled with the fragrance of flowers.

As I mentioned, it’s the wedding season, all my family had to go to a wedding ceremony in the neighbourhood. I am all alone with my pets (a Pug, a Dachshund and 2 cats). Nobody at home, I started watching TV, a sudden gaze at my family photo. I see hundreds of thoughts occupy me. Next moment I find my eyes watery, I started to cry like a baby. I couldn’t stop for about an hour. My pets sitting beside me, all four shocked and puzzled.

I call my fiancé and I yell at him with tears in my eyes. I blabbered out some stuff. I remember saying, “Call off the wedding, I don’t want to marry you, I won’t leave my house” and the line goes on. The poor chap confused but trying his best to console me. And we women are very hard at getting convinced in the first go. Finally, I reach the dining area, to take a sip from Johnnie Walker- Double Black. Well, finally my blues turned into pink.

What looks like a Post Wedding Blue?

The couple seems to experience Irritability, boredom, sadness, lethargy, loneliness, isolation. Sometimes it gets a feeling of being trapped.

Why does it happen?

• The realisation of being an adult overnight
• Exhaustion from the intensive customs and rituals of a wedding ceremony
• The attention and excitement faded away
• Changes in the environment
• The feeling of being away from the family and so on

My Confession 2:

‘Happily, Ever After’. Yea, I was on cloud 9- the initial days of married life. The dream come true moment. I shifted to Bangalore along with my husband due to work reasons (Bangalore-the garden city located in southern India). I missed my family, my house, especially my pets. My mind started to adjust to the new marital life, where I couldn’t scream “Mummy….. ” to get things done. Now I had to do it all alone. Well, I tried my best.

In about a month something within me changed. I started feeling grumpy, irritable, minor mistakes mattered to me, I started yelling at him for no reasons. No, it isn’t PMS (Pre-Menstrual Syndrome). I was feeling it all days a month. After a while, I started realising the change. Sometimes I locked myself and wept bitterly. I was questioning myself “Am I having any mental illness?” I felt I’m trapped, and I have no way to go out. I was too afraid to approach someone and ask for help. As a Mental Health Nurse, I had studied the maturational crisis. I recalled my learning, started applying to my life. And it took me a whole 6 months to understand and overcome my ‘Post Wedding Blues’ with the support of my husband.

How to deal with?

First and foremost, understanding that post-wedding blues are normal, and many people go through the same. Secondly, an understanding between a wedding and a marriage is important. Wedding is a one-day event, whereas marriage is what you live through after the event. Here are some tips:

1. Premarital counselling: Nowadays premarital counselling is appreciated in most communities. It’s a good platform to put forth your concerns before the therapist and your partner and get some valuable insights about married life. It also provides an opportunity to spend time with your partner and get to know each other.

2. Acceptance of being an adult: This takes a level of patience and understanding. Life as a spinster/ bachelor is entirely different. You change it from being dependent to now independent in areas of decision making and many more.

3. Open communication: Sometimes, it might seem embarrassing to share the most personal feelings. As lovers, you might have only shared the good view of you. Well, it takes time but when you do it feels amazing.

4. Open talk with family: Couple can approach their immediate family who could share their experiences and provide guidance on marital life.

5. Make everyday events enjoyable and exciting: Adding fun and joy as you both learn new things in marital life. The text messages, the date nights you enjoyed before the wedding seems to fade over time. Spending time together in the kitchen to cook a healthy meal and doing the household chores would give a quality time together and make the other feel appreciated and valued. Correct each other’s mistakes without letting them down.

6. Me time: Marriage unites two people together, but it is also important to give each other the much needed ‘Me time’, where you could give time to yourself. Sometimes people forget the hobby or the work they used to love once. Most complain of time constraints. We need to learn to organise things and enjoy the life we once did.

Being together is beautiful

There can be many amazing things you could enjoy with your spouse and make it memorable. You could see your wedding photos and video together, sort out pictures to be wall mounted. Learn cooking together and teach the other. Plan surprises on special occasions. Plan a date night at home. Plan vacations apart from the honeymoon and many more.

Yes, these words look beautiful in black and white, but when it comes to practise maybe a little effort is required. Most importantly remember to enjoy the small things that you do together and appreciate each other.

With a shine of happiness and the shadow of darkness,
A muddled storm engulfed me

The rush of adrenaline,
The dancing of Dopamine,
The tone of my cardiac rhythm,
Confirming a transition

The approaching change,
Left me with unsolved puzzles,
Emotions wrap me up,
I lay in the pool of betrayal.

Months passed by,
My hunt for the answers goes on,
But, a deep realisation,
The Storm was meant to arise, only to make me stronger than ever.

 

 

By Steffi Jenifer
Steffi Jenifer Quadras is from Udupi diocese. Currently residing at Bangalore. She is a Mental Health Nurse by profession. She has completed her BSc Nursing from Father Muller College of Nursing, Mangalore and MSc in Mental Health Nursing from Manipal Academy of Higher Education (MAHE, Manipal).

In order to promote mental health awareness, she has started a blog called ‘The Colourful Salad’, which is also on Instagram @the.colourful.salad
To submit your article / poem / short story to Daijiworld, please email it to news@daijiworld.com mentioning 'Article/poem submission for daijiworld' in the subject line. Please note the following:

  • The article / poem / short story should be original and previously unpublished in other websites except in the personal blog of the author. We will cross-check the originality of the article, and if found to be copied from another source in whole or in parts without appropriate acknowledgment, the submission will be rejected.
  • The author of the poem / article / short story should include a brief self-introduction limited to 500 characters and his/her recent picture (optional). Pictures relevant to the article may also be sent (optional), provided they are not bound by copyright. Travelogues should be sent along with relevant pictures not sourced from the Internet. Travelogues without relevant pictures will be rejected.
  • In case of a short story / article, the write-up should be at least one-and-a-half pages in word document in Times New Roman font 12 (or, about 700-800 words). Contributors are requested to keep their write-ups limited to a maximum of four pages. Longer write-ups may be sent in parts to publish in installments. Each installment should be sent within a week of the previous installment. A single poem sent for publication should be at least 3/4th of a page in length. Multiple short poems may be submitted for single publication.
  • All submissions should be in Microsoft Word format or text file. Pictures should not be larger than 1000 pixels in width, and of good resolution. Pictures should be attached separately in the mail and may be numbered if the author wants them to be placed in order.
  • Submission of the article / poem / short story does not automatically entail that it would be published. Daijiworld editors will examine each submission and decide on its acceptance/rejection purely based on merit.
  • Daijiworld reserves the right to edit the submission if necessary for grammar and spelling, without compromising on the author's tone and message.
  • Daijiworld reserves the right to reject submissions without prior notice. Mails/calls on the status of the submission will not be entertained. Contributors are requested to be patient.
  • The article / poem / short story should not be targeted directly or indirectly at any individual/group/community. Daijiworld will not assume responsibility for factual errors in the submission.
  • Once accepted, the article / poem / short story will be published as and when we have space. Publication may take up to four weeks from the date of submission of the write-up, depending on the number of submissions we receive. No author will be published twice in succession or twice within a fortnight.
  • Time-bound articles (example, on Mother's Day) should be sent at least a week in advance. Please specify the occasion as well as the date on which you would like it published while sending the write-up.

Comment on this article

  • Shanthi, Mangalore / Kuwait

    Sat, Aug 08 2020

    Very informative and good guidance to the couples . All the best

  • Delicia Ann, Shillong city, Meghalaya

    Sat, Aug 08 2020

    Beautiful!!!! lovely article ma'am 👍continue writing✍️✍️

  • Ainora jyrwa, Meghalaya, Shillong

    Fri, Aug 07 2020

    Ma'am this is superb article... I guess I always wanted to prepare for my best moment to come. . This is what I needed the most... Thank you so much... All the best for your next article expecting to see it soon... God bless you u both...

  • Jossey Saldanha, Mumbai

    Fri, Aug 07 2020

    Awesome ...

  • Pamy Saldanha, Urwa

    Fri, Aug 07 2020

    Nice article !!

  • Eugene Dias, Shirva/ London

    Fri, Aug 07 2020

    Steffi, amazing article. I am going to see anything I missed in my 32 years of marriage. Congratulations. Keep writing...

  • Sanaa, Thiruvananthapuram

    Fri, Aug 07 2020

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • Karishma khaund, Assam

    Fri, Aug 07 2020

    Awesome dear, article such kind is really helpful. Keep going...love you and proud of you...


Leave a Comment

Title: My Wedding Blues



You have 2000 characters left.

Disclaimer:

Please write your correct name and email address. Kindly do not post any personal, abusive, defamatory, infringing, obscene, indecent, discriminatory or unlawful or similar comments. Daijiworld.com will not be responsible for any defamatory message posted under this article.

Please note that sending false messages to insult, defame, intimidate, mislead or deceive people or to intentionally cause public disorder is punishable under law. It is obligatory on Daijiworld to provide the IP address and other details of senders of such comments, to the authority concerned upon request.

Hence, sending offensive comments using daijiworld will be purely at your own risk, and in no way will Daijiworld.com be held responsible.