November 6, 2008

On a sunny day, I was surprised to find our dog Tarzan reading from a well bounded folder, which looked like a party manifesto.

“What is it” I asked our dog

“It’s a 20 point programme”

“Don’t remind me of 20 point programme of Indira Gandhi” I retorted in disgust. “Devraj Urs was the only Chief Minister who religiously lived by it. Others including her own son Sanjay Gandhi misused most of the points in her programme”

“You have a point there” said the dog. “Each programme is worth its implementation. But for your kind information, this programme doesn’t belong to Indira Gandhi. I am the proud author of this document and I have spent considerable time drafting it. It’s a commandment for religious harmony and conversion, and I have prepared it after watching the recent atrocities on weaker sections like us”

“Don’t again utter that word called ‘Conversion’” I cautioned my dog. “Already that word has caused enough damage to our semi civilized society”

“You will be happy to read this valuable document” – insisted the dog passing the folder on to my hand.

“By now I have realized that human beings are fed up with their own programmes, so I thought its time for a civilized dog to write a programme for them. I am quite confident they are going to like it. 

I had never expected our dog to be sensible and sensitive towards our religious sensitivity. Since I was quite impressed with the points I wish to share each one of them with my readers: 

The title read: 20 point programme for religious conversion and communal harmony,  Author: Tarzan, the dog 

If you are leading a graceful life showing compassion towards your neighbour (including the dogs, cats or donkeys) in your society, you have already won their faith in you. It’s not important to which religion, sect or community they belong.

If you have invited a lower caste or down trodden person to your house over a cup of tea, make sure you have served the tea in a decent cup, the one similar to yours. Don’t ever serve him tea in a coconut shell, the way your forefathers did. Please note they are already humbled enough sitting outside hotels and being served tea in a coconut shell. If you cannot afford another melamine cup then better you also use a coconut shell to show solidarity.

At times, make an effort to hold the hands of your servant or a daily wage labourer who comes to clean your toilet or cow shed. You will soon observe a sense of conversion in him. If not, join the labourer in carrying the shit outside your house. He may not mention or indicate, but I bet he has already judged the power of your faith or religion. 

When you are driving down the uptown market in your brand new Scorpio four wheeler and if you notice your poor neighbour walking lamely, offer him a lift. By doing this you have already converted him. But don’t make a mistake of offering a lift to a young lady of other sect. You will be blamed by her fraternity for converting her heart while on your half an hours drive.
If you’re a religious person, learn the language of majority; else you will be termed as a foreigner in your own homeland.

If you’re celebrating a feast – X’Mas, Eid or a Divali, invite the guests from the other communities. You can invite and feed your own people on other days. (But don’t forget the dogs and cats. It is a sin to feed them after all have left. There may not have enough left-over food to feed them!)

Don’t restrict your children to stay and play within the walls of your compound. Let them be friends with people from different sects and communities. You will find your neighbours coming to the rescue of your children when in need; for the simple reason that your children have already converted them for good. If your children came up with an inter-caste marriage proposal, jump and grasp that opportunity. You will be happy to find a great number of communities living in your own household. Follow the example of George Fernandes, the king maker.
Don’t explain the greatness of your religion or the beauty of your prayer to your neighbours. They have already observed this in your attitude. Chances are that while your prayers have remained within the pages of your book, they are happily practicing every word of it – without your knowledge.

If you’re a religious head - committed to work for the welfare of humanity - shun your comforts and luxuries. Live like a sage. You cannot profess faith by living in a five star luxury. Ensure that your house is no better than the houses in your vicinity. Do away with your imported Rolex, Lap tap computer, Honda Suzuki - whom ever may have gifted them to you. You are not going to convert anyone if your bathrooms have marble tiles imported from Italy, for you have not converted yourself, yet. (Who will take care of your own salvation?)
 

If you’re committed to preach the Word of God, save your time reciting the same prayer day and night. At times we find the language of God being quite funny and strange; it may not comprise of too many words and sentences; it may be simply emanating from your heart. Say that prayer.

Don’t ever criticize other religion or their faith. Perhaps you were not aware of the fact that they are saying your own prayer, but in a different form or language, the language which you have failed to learn.

Whenever you come across an unemployed youth roaming around the streets without having much to do, help him find a job. See that he is occupied. Else he will be without direction in life and worst, his services may be utilized by religious bigots or anti social elements. Before they convert them you do it. And believe me, there are quite many out there, including Mahendra Kumar and his group.

Encourage your children to opt for lucrative jobs in civil, legal or police service, instead of pushing them across the sea off to Canada, Australia, if not to the Gulf. 

Organise religious events in your house, in your compound and you stay behind the stage. Let them share the fun and they will thank you for being a good leader. Learn something from Sonia Gandhi. Even if you fail to convert anyone, the dust and dirt from your house would be gone at their cost and effort.  

When someone calls for help in your neighborhood, be the first one to reach the site. If you pretend as if you have not heard the cry, they would do the same when you shout for their help.

Please don’t paint people from any particular religion in red. There are black sheep’s on either sides of the fence. Also there are good and compassionate sheep’s amongst us.  Recognize and respect them. The one who hates other religion has already relinquished his/hers.

Don’t involve politicians when you have a problem. They will have their own agenda. You may end up pouring petrol to the fire. Involve the people whom you trust and ask them – How can we prevent this situation from happening again?

Don’t blame the police. They are simply obeying the orders from their masters. And their masters listen to their masters and so on. That depends to which political affiliation the Headmaster belongs. (Many a times it is quite obvious that the Head Master himself is confused. e.g. Yediyurappa, the Chief Minister of Karnataka. Who will understand his frustration?

If you notice anti social elements playing wild game in the name of football in your society, share the information with the local police and be prepared to stand in the witness box. If you think it’s not your business to invite trouble, you will find greater trouble later knocking at your door without being invited.

And the last but not the least, if you think nothing will work in this country after adhering to 19 points above, don’t panic – there is a Protector of world peace and freedom, in waiting – President George Bush, who will soon retire and will be without having much to do. And believe me - poverty and un-employment are the two worst disasters on this planet. 

(I regret any inadvertent reference to any person, dead or alive. The points were gathered from the comments received on a popular website. Also I am sorry about my spelling mistakes and bad language as it was my master who converted me to this language – Tarzan, the dog)