Aug 18, 2008

The day I and my wife I returned India after a week’s vacation abroad everything seemed to have changed. When we came out of the airport our regular taxi driver was missing. 

It was a horrible sight outside the airport. Everyone seems to be in a hurry to go home. Finally when we caught hold of a taxi driver and checked with him what is going on he said – “I am not sure what has gone wrong, probably there is a bomb scare or something. I just got up late hence rushed to the airport as usual. Thank God it was an 11 o’clock flight which eventually landed at 12 o’clock. Someone mentioned to me there is high alert everywhere”.

As we made our way towards the town, we were up to a shock since for a few stray dogs, there was hardly anyone walking in the street. The city roads were virtually empty. No traffic jam, no crowed markets, no hawkers around.

‘Where have all the people vanished?” I enquired a passerby who was in a hurry himself.

“Please don’t ask me anything, Sir” he said. “Please let me go; my wife is in the hospital”

My wife was very much impressed. “I am sure he loves his wife very much” said she. By then the passer by came back to us and said in a low voice – “I am sorry, Sir. I am a member in a prayer group; I should not have lied to you. Actually it is not my wife but my neighbor’s wife who is the hospital’ and he left hurriedly. 

When I turned towards my wife she was inquiring with someone else for the reason behind a barren street. Then she came back and said – “I don’t understand why people should leave their jobs and go home to watch TV”.

“What happened?”

“That hawker over there tells me, there is going to be a deal in the Parliament which is being shown live on TV”

“What kind of a deal? I asked her.

“That fellow is not too sure. He says between India and Pakistan”

“Is he talking about Cricket then?” I asked her.

“Probably” my wife said. ‘What other deal can there be between India and Pakistan? I am sure India is going to win”

“But how can you say that without even watching the game” I confronted her.

“That is a deal” said my wife. “In today’s world everything is part of a deal. Everything is decided in advance, playing the game is for the sake of entertainment”.

Just then we were at the traffic signal and the lone female traffic police officer was at best of her ease.

“Is it a holiday today?” I asked her.

“Why are you asking this?” she said. “If it was a holiday, I would have been at home watching TV, not in the middle of the road. But I am surprised to see no traffic today?”

“That is exactly what my question is” I told her. “Is it a public holiday since I don’t see much of traffic today?’

By the time I had finished my question, some two wheeler driver had taken a wrong turn and the police lady went pouncing after him.

Finally we reached near our building. Our watchman came running, grinning from ear to ear and said –

“It looks like we are going to win the deal today” he said.

“Against whom” I asked him.

“Against Pakistan, who else”. He looked very optimistic.

“But where they are playing?”

“In the Indian Parliament! For your kind information, first thing in the morning, Advani did a marvelous opening, followed by Omer Abdulla who trashed him left and right. Then, came Rahul Gandhi who showed a wonderful performance for the first time on the field. Now in a while our Lalu is going to come……”- and then he rushed inside the building carrying our baggage, all at one go.

“What is wrong with this nation?” I asked my wife. “Why the hell they had to field Advani against Pakistan, where Sehwag and Sachin have gone?

“What’s wrong with Advaniji” said my wife. “He is fit enough to play than a Sehwag or a Sachin. He has never complained of tennis elbow, back pain or chest pain all his life. Moreover, if Sharad Pawar can be the chief of BCCI without playing a game of cricket what is wrong if Advaniji takes up a bat?”

By that time we had reached the hall of our house and to our great amusement saw our dog lying still in front of TV.

Without even wagging the tail, our dog the Tarzan whispers in a low voice – ‘Shuuuuuu, don’t ever say a word. Just in a while Lalu is going to start”

It was the first time I was also watching a game of cricket in parliament. All the top politicians were there and I could recognize a few of them like Sonia Gandhi who was winking at Oscar Fernandes all the while.

Then there was our friend George Fernandes winking at Sushma Swaraj as if a sick tiger is peeping out of its cave. I could also see some politicians thumping the tables just the way Shivmani did on his drums during twenty20 tournament.

“Who is that stout man in the chair” – I asked our dog, pointing to the dark old man trying to control the audience.

“He is Darrel Hair” says the dog. “Don’t talk more. In a while Lalu is going to make his presence”.

Then, came Lalu in a full white cricket outfit. He twisted his hands to the right, to the left and the center. Our dog was very much impressed. “Come on, Lalu, gimme me more, gimme more” he started screaming.

“Is he really batting?” I asked my dog.

“He is doing everything possible to impress his captain, Sonia Gandhi” says the dog. “He is batting, bowling, wicket keeping, fielding all at one go. As long as he is not shown out of UPA team, he is ready to do anything”.

I was very impressed with the sporting sense of our dog. Perhaps our dog knows more about the game of cricket than us, I guessed.

Just then my wife came from the drawing room and said – “go down the lane and get something to eat. I am bloody hungry”

“Just wait for a while” I told her. “A beautiful game of cricket is going on”

“Sheer waste of time” she said.

“But this is a different game, being played in the parliament”

“Really, let me watch” she said and screamed at the top of her voice when she recognized Gobinda in the crowd, yawning.

“Is Gobinda also a member of the team?” – She is asking our dog.

“Absolutely” says the dog. “He has previous experience playing in Virar. But he is yet to show his performance in the parliament against super bowlers such as jaitley, Naidu and Ananta Kumar”

Lalu continued batting hitting the ball around the parliament. The crowd was getting mad after his every swing. Even he had the umpire grinning at his marvelous batting.

“Look at that’’ said the dog. “Even Darrel Hair is impressed. I am sure the deal is already done. Umpire is not supposed to show his feelings. She should be neutral!”

“I am sure he will be asked to resign” said my wife. “By the way which party he belongs to?”

‘The party of winners” said the dog.

Lalu had just then finished his batting. He had scored a century.

Then it was the turn of a player from the opposite side.

“It is Basudeva Acharya, quite a boring player” said the dog.

“Is it a game of cricket or baseball” said my wife. She was confused. “How can the players from opposite sides play simultaneously?”

“It’s not a test or a one day or not even a Twenty20” – said the dog. “It is a deal – the real scores will appear at the end of the game”

By then the player was continuing to bat in spite of umpiring declaring him ‘out’ quite number of times.

“Why the hell he continues to play in spite of declaring ‘out’ so many times” – questions my wife.

“It is a case of LBW” says the dog. “It’s always a tricky decision confronted by the players.”

Rightly so, the batsman did not relent at all. He went on batting. There was a change in umpire but the batsman was not going to leave the field.

My wife was irritated to no end. “Hell with this game” she said. “Please go down and get something to eat. I am sure he will hold on to his bat until you return”

I went down the apartment and saw my watchman screaming top of his voice – “the deal is done, the game is over. Finally the bundles of currency notes have reached the parliament’.

“Was this game fixed?’ I asked our watchman.

“It was a great game of no-clear deal. It is a clear case of ‘catch behind the wicket’ he said.

When I stepped unto the road the life was back to normal. I found almost everyone talking about the great players like Lalu, Rahul Gandhi and Omar Abdulla.