Feb 6, 2008

Around the same time last year I had met this so called Astrologer who predicted a few unpredictable issues concerning world over. (Read ‘My encounter with an Astrologer’ in archives) I decided to meet him again this year only to confront him over certain sloppy things that went against his prediction. 

“Give me one single instance that did not go as per my prediction” he challenged me.

“You had said Musharraf would launch his own party, but he still remains at the top?’

“You are such an ignorant person” he told me. “What is the need to launch a party as long as he remains at the top? And how about my other prediction that both Nawaz and Benazir would return from exile; Did you compliment me for that?”

“But sadly Benazir is no more, why did you not predict her assassination plot?”

“Look gentleman” said the Astrologer. “Certain things are beyond the power of astrology, the acts of terror and extremism for example. These types of elements are directly run by Satan, who knows no religion. And mind you, what is being dominated by Satan cannot be reversed by the stars or the moon. This philosophy might sound strange, but it’s a universal fact”

“What happened to Amitabh, you said he will become superstar all over again, but King Khan rules the roost”

“Do you think Amitabh has given up so easily? Don’t you see him in every other commercial from selling hair oil till carpets and what not? Do you think he will come down so long as the grace of Amar Singh prevails upon him?  
What happened to Angelina Joli?

“What happened to her? She is still going strong with Brad Pitt”

“But you had said they will split by the year end”

“Why you people can’t see them together?”

“Moreover, they did not manage to adopt an Indian child as you predicted?”

“Please don’t prick me where it pains?” said the Astrologer in a state of disgust. “Leave alone the issue of orphans being sent out in the name of adoption; did anyone ever predict that even Indian laborers would turn down the jobs in the gulf? Are you not happy with our 9% growth rate?”

I had no answer, obviously.  I was not aware that the Astrologer has such a sound knowledge about our country’s economic progress. I saw a ‘Proud to be Indian’ smile on his face.

“Lease the non-issues aside” said the Astrologer. “Are you interested to hear something latest for this year; this time I have done my home work very well”

“Please go ahead” I told him.

“Let’s start from where it all starts first – our own country” he said in full enthusiasm and confidence. There will be mid term polls around December and the saffron gang will be back with a bang”

“You mean Advaniji will be the next Prime Minister?”

“I doubt very much” says the Astrologer.” I am yet to see his hand but I have just seen all the stars shining on Narendra Modi saheb. Leave others aside, even the unpredictable ladies like Jayalalita and Hema Malini are impressed with his leadership”.

“I am not too keen on Indian elections” I told him. After all we have a legitimate democracy here. But how about across the border; do you think Pakistan will have a legitimate government at the top?”

 “I am not sure about that either but whether elections are held or not Bilawal Bhutto is already a winner”

“I presume he is still a minor.” I reminded him.”  Is he going to be in the election race?”

“I am not talking about his political destiny” said the Astrologer. “Have you not heard about his female fan following. I wonder how come all these gals were so tight lipped when his mother was alive”

“Let him leave alone” I told him out of sympathy towards a handsome star of the future.

“Do you have anything to predict about US elections now in the news?”

‘Sure” said the Astrologer. “Hillary Clinton is going to be the next President”

“But have you not seen the results within the Democrats, Obama stands taller than her?”

“I wish he does” said the Astrologer. “In fact he is my personal favorite. But frankly speaking, his ‘very name’ goes against him”

“What is in a name” I asked him.

“That’s exactly what the whole world says - What is in a name?”

“Absolutely” –

“You should also know that his name reminds them of Osama. Who in the States would like the news readers saying “Obama said like this…Obama said like that.., if he were to become a President?  I am sure most of the American news readers will miss-pronounce his name as ‘Osama’ out of latter’s fear”

Just then the Astrologer’s cell phone rang and he said – “I am sorry, I have to leave, I have an appointment at the ‘Ladies Club’.

“I am sure they would want you predict the future; what could be their favorite subject”
‘They have assigned me to predict Baani’s future in ‘Kasam se’ and Sindhoora’s fate in –“Banoongi mai teri Dulhan”

“Who are they?”

“Are you joking?” said the Astrologer. “Is your general knowledge so bad that you know nothing about two popular serials hypnotizing the whole female population today?

“But why the ladies would need your prediction? Don’t you think most of the scripts in serials look as if they are influenced by Satan?”

“The interesting point here is, the members have planned a six month expedition to the North Pole and they want me predict whether Baani will return to Mr. Walia’s household and whether Sindhoora would be sent to jail by the time they return. The ladies are keen to watch these episodes although by now they know what is going to happen” 

“For the sake of my own curiosity, what would be your prediction?”

“There is nothing to predict here” said the Astrologer. “My advice to the ladies would be to come back after one year; if possible, after visiting the South Pole as well. I am sure nothing is going to move by then, unless they don’t replace the cinematographer”.