December 21, 2006

While Sonia Gandhi just celebrated her 60th birthday in the company of Manmohan Singh and decided to spend the rest of their life as a Madame and yours faithfully, like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes tied the knot - whatever it means - in distant Italy and like our own blue-eyed star couple Abhishek and Aishwarya decided to ‘stay in touch’ till such time as the former’s father would give a go-ahead for their wedding, both myself and my  wife decided to celebrate our wedding anniversary at a place where no one would dare to intrude into our privacy.

Now you guys will wonder where on earth such a place does exist. Your guess is indeed justified after Bush fished out Saddam Hussain right from a rat’s hole.

But we both being cleverer than Saddam Hussain chose to spend our evening in a cat’s hole instead of a rat’s. We found ourselves comfortable aboard a sprawling yacht in the company of frogs and their strange croaks in a creek beneath us.

As I pulled my wife’s hand to wish her a pleasant evening she was not much impressed. 

“For God’s sake, please do not overdo it,” she said. “Just because you are high on drinks the whole day, there is no need to wish me a hundred times as if I am Katie Holmes or you are a Tom Cruise. Secondly we are not celebrities, but we are just celebrating. There is no need for you to feel insecure as I am not going to desert you at this advanced age”.

I felt a sense of relief and realized that in spite of painting her in red in most of my columns she remained as faithful as she was on the very first day of our wedding. But what is the magic that drives her to be passionate about me all along?

Out of sheer excitement, I ordered a glass of ginger wine, my wife’s favourite drink while on a festive mood, besides two large whiskies for me. It was getting past midnight and there was a scent of romance, scintillating music and chill around.  

‘What a wonderful feeling,” I resumed the conversation. “Don’t you think we are coming closer these days like Tom and Kate?”

“Don’t compare us with them," shouted my wife as expected. “First of all I am angry as hell for not being invited to their wedding. I am not sure I will live long enough to see their next wedding; it may happen in six months or maybe within the next six years!”

Daijiworld exclusive caricatures by Harini

“Don’t get worried, darling” - I pacified my wife. “You are not the only one who is missed out. They have not even invited their best friend Oprah Winfrey and she is equally upset as you are. If the media is to be believed I just read that even Sonia Gandhi and Amitabh Bachchan are not invited”

“Its all right if Amitabh is not invited” said my wife. “I don’t think he has the time to attend a low-profile wedding in Italy. He is busy consulting all the astrologers in the world about the stars of his son and his daughter-in-law to be. But they should not have ignored me, as I was free all week along. Why was I not invited?” 

By then the waiter brought in the beverages, chips and prawns fried in tartar sauce.

“Why the hell did it take so long?” demanded my wife on the top of her voice as the waiter blamed the chef who delayed the prawns.

“Take it easy,” I told the waiter.  “She is just upset that Katie Holmes did not invite her to her wedding.”

The waiter gave a strange look before leaving perhaps wondering how both of us can be so high without even touching our drink. As my wife sipped her wine I asked her:
“How do you feel being wedded to the same person for so long? Are you really happy with me?”

“Happiness is not something that drops down on earth as a package deal or something granted from above. We must work for it and attain through thick and thin of our life” - said my wife philosophically. “Look at Elizabeth Taylor; she married umpteen times in search of peace, happiness and a right person in her life but I doubt if she is happy even after marrying a boy half of her age, Larry Fortensky. But tell me; are you not happy having been married to me?”

“Why not” said I?  “Wasn’t Marlon Brando happy with his first married wife? Wasn’t Raj Kapoor happy with Krishna? Isn’t Amitabh happy with his beautiful wife, Jaya?”

 “Don’t compare yourself with them who never looked at any other female beyond their wives,” said my wife. “Don’t ever give me hypothetical replies the way Shah Rukh Khan does nowadays. The whole world is watching. Amir Khan used to speak in the same language and finally he eloped with a Bangalorean girl. You people may fool the entire world at one time or you may fool an innocent lady like me along her whole life. But one cannot fool the whole world all along their lives.”

Sensing that our anniversary evening was hurtling down a bumpy road, I changed my subject. I did in what I was good at. Holding both her hands in mine and with tears rollind down in my eyes I told her: “I promise you tonight darling I will live with you my entire life and I will love you till the last drop of blood flows in my veins. Let’s put Brando behind us, Raj Kapoor and Amitabh out of our lives”

My wife, for the first time, became emotional too. But true to her very nature she called the waiter in firm voice – “Hello friend, two large for us on the rocks and get us whatever is ready in crisp.”

And as the waiter was leaving, she called him back and said – “Listen, let the whole world know that we are celebrating our wedding anniversary in style and even if Katie Holmes calls to say "Sorry" for not inviting me, tell her I am busy with my husband for the rest of the night.”