September 20, 2006

The other day, late evening, I was driving homewards after a stressful day. Suddenly the traffic came to a stunning halt or in other words, what on Mumbai FM they announce - a ‘bumper to bumper’ situation. As I peeped out of my car window, some one at the other wheel announced that Aishwarya Rai is shooting for some commercial, nearby. My wife who was seated next to me got wild on hearing this.

“Slide the glasses up and follow the lane discipline “she said. “What is there so special about Aishwarya Rai to dictate the traffic of a foreign land? I don’t understand why all hell breaks loose when this girl makes an appearance. For me, she is just another female in flesh and blood”

I begged to differ with her. How can my Aishwarya be just another female in flesh and blood?

“Look” I said. “Aishwarya is Aishwarya; every other female is not a Aishwarya Rai! And that includes you as well.”

“Why not?” she said. “What she has that other females don’t?

“It’s a very obsolete dialogue which I have heard umpteen times in Bollywood real stories. When Dharmenda married Hema malini, when Boney Kapoor married Sridevi, When Kishore Kumar married so many and when Rekha married no one still I am sure the wives at the other end would have delivered the same dialogue. Look at Aishwarya’s figure, her scintillating eyes, can you swing your belly the way she does?”

My wife said: “If the beauty and body line were in question, why then you think Prince Charles divorced Lady Diana and married Camilla? Was Diana not beautiful, slim and sexy?

“But every male is not a Prince Charles, definitely not me” I told her. “I for one will definitely like Aishwarya for her beauty and her ability in managing her life both on and off screen. For me, she is the Goddess of Eternal Beauty”,
My wife fell silent till we reached home.

Within the next hour I saw myself getting back to the same site where Aishwarya was supposed to be shooting.

While driving back, I thought to myself: How Aishwarya could be different from other females?

The whole area was crowded with people from different nationalities. I saw an Iranian middle aged Tourist coming out of his hotel, his wife and half a dozen children along. When he came to know of Aishwarya’s presence, he was curious to  find out whether Aishwarya would agree to stand next to them for a complete family photograph” (as if his family was not complete then!)

 “How do you know Aishwarya Rai?”- I asked him.

“Of corse I know everything about her” He said in full excitement “She changing her boy friends more time than my wife changing her gowns. (…Then for a while he laughed aloud the way Aishwarya laughed ‘Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam.)  Further he said:

“Wallahi, she is so beauthifool, her eyes beauthifool, her body beauthifool….”

“Have you seen any of her movies?” I asked him.

“wath you mean, movee, movee, shoo hadaa?

“I mean have you seen any of her films”

“What? Yaani, She acting films? Wallah, I don’t know anything baba. You ask my wife. She know better. My wife told me she is last year Miss world beauthifool”.

“Not last year” I corrected him. “It was eleven year’s ago and yet she is so popular and in demand all around the world”

“Wallah, eleven years?” exclaimed the Iranian. “That means she is so old Miss World? Then no good! Maa Salaama, yalla yalla. We don’t want her potho” And he left with his family in a hurry.

I saw a European who looked like a British. I asked him why he is so keen to see Aishwarya Rai.

“I don’t know who she is” he said sardonically. “We are here to shoot a commercial and I am supposed to hold this screen while the camera is on. Don’t ask me anything more than that”

A taxi driver, who looked like a Pathan, came closer to me and said: “Did you see those British bodyguards, across the road?

“Yeah, but who are they?”

“They are on special duty to take care of Aishwarya Rai’s personal safety”

“But what is so special about that?”

“How sad for an Indian lady!” said the Pathan.  “They have hired the same British guards who were once driven out of the country”.
“But my friend” I told him. “Why don’t you view it from the positive angle, is it not a pride for an Indian girl to have British as her bodyguards?”

“But what was wrong with her Indian bodyguards?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean what happened to her previous bodyguards, Vivek Oberoi, Salman Khan, Abhishekh Bachchan?” While I was wondering whether I have an answer for this question, the person was disappeared.

By then I saw an agitating mob, getting restless to have a glimpse of Aishwarya Rai, I guess. I caught hold of a man who looked like an Indian construction worker.

I posed my question to him: Who is your favourite Indian actress?”

“Amma”

“Who is this Amma?”

“Jayalalita Ammavar, Makkala Tilakam, Nata Sarvaboumamam”

I asked his companion and he also repeated the same: “Amma, Parvatamma’

I realized that Aishwarya may mesmerize the whole world, but on home ground she is destined to fight a war (if not a battle) with the likes of Lata, Mamata and Jayalalita, for her own survival. 

It was two hours wait already; there was no sign of Aishwarya.

As I was about to leave disappointed, I saw the crowds getting bigger and stronger. There were police vans all over, flashing their sirens amidst slogan shouting.

“What is going on here?” I asked a pale looking worker.

“The construction workers are up for a Rasta Roko!” said the worker. “Within the next hour you will see the whole traffic coming to a standstill.

“Is it because Aishwarya Rai is going to be here”

“Hell with your Aishwarya Rai” screeched the worker on top of his voice.” How can you people be so stupid? We construction boys are not being paid for the past six months and our kids are dying out of hunger. We are forced to work in this scorching heat, day in and day out…..”

I saw tears dripping down his watery eyes. Then I realized that the pain and tears are no different, whether they belonged to a construction worker or a beautiful Aishwarya.

When I returned home, my wife was waiting for me. Seeing me tired she said: “Did you forget something behind in office, as usual? Anyway, relax; I have made Aishwarya’s favourite food - green salad - for dinner tonight. It’s not a bad idea to shed some flesh around the waist”.