August 23, 2006

During our recent vacation in India, my wife was too thrilled to observe marketing strategy of our local business houses in promoting their products. While at shopping we noticed the giant display signs that read: ‘Buy one and get one for free’ or ‘Grand Sale: 60% to 80% off, or “Stock Clearing Sale and so on.

“Who says India is not shining” said my wife with great excitement. “Have we ever witnessed such a great marketing strategy before?”

“Definitely not” said I. “Without doubt you ladies have a bright shopping future in India“

Suddenly she saw a billboard which read” “Yeh dil maange more”! Pointing at the board she asked me: “What does that mean?”
“Probably some movie running at nearby theater” I said. “Gone are the days when movies carried beautiful titles such as Anarkali, Sangam, Bees Saal baad’ etc. Nowadays it can be anything to catch ones attention,  such as ‘Khoon bhari maang’ ‘Maang Bhari khoon, Khoon kaa rishta, Khoon Paseena and so on.

In the evening when my wife returned from shopping she was not all that happy.
“Did you saw that sign across the road that read 60% to 80% discount?” she asked me.
“I did, I am sure you had a great bargain there’

“All humbug” said my wife. “They have only two worn off knitted pieces for 80% discount. Rest of all the items are more expensive than one could find in a Paris boutique”
“Not a good sign” I pacified her just to keep my day going.

The next day my wife came up with some other finding. “You know, today’ she explained. ’I fell in love over a pair of shoes in one of the shops along Bandra Linking Road. Could you believe the rate demanded by the salesman?
“I am sure it must be very high for the place is also called “bargain market?”

“Exactly, the shopkeeper demanded Rs. 1500 and I fainted out of shock, there and then. When I came to senses, the shopkeeper apologized for his absurd price and offered the same pair at Rs.120.

“Absolutely a grand marketing strategy” – I replied. I had no doubt in my mind that India was indeed shining.

During the course of her shopping in Mumbai, my wife also noticed some visible changes in the infrastructure. She was overjoyed to see the widened streets, fully covered sewerages, and greenery along both sides of national highways.

At the same time she was aghast to find no hutment dwellers along the highways. When told that much of slum dwellers are rehabilitated away at Mankurd, my wife felt very sorry for them. 

“Not to such a distance place like Mankurd” she said out of sympathy. “One cannot imagine Mumbai without its slum dwellers and eunuchs at the prime junctions!  what will be the state our local politicians if there are no more slum dwellers left in the city?”

“Why?”

 “Whom would they now promise basic amenities such as drinking water, electricity and sewerage connections? I wonder whether they will have any promises left for the masses at all?’

For the first time I realized that my wife is quite aware of social evils of our metropolis. I suggested her to fight the cause of the poor by participating in forthcoming civic polls. But she was not interested.

“I do not like to become a bone of contention to other female politicians trying to grab their piece of cake” – she said matter of facedly. “Have you not heard of Margaret Alva fishing in the same muddy pond once dominated by stalwarts such as Mrinal Gore, Pramila Dandavate, Ahilya Ragnekar, Jayavantiben, and Prabha Rau? Will they accept one more like me to add to their misery?

My wife had a word of appreciation towards the beauty salon she visited. She strongly recommended that I too get my hair done at the same place. The hair salon offered many exclusive packages for its upper class clients.

As I entered the salon a handsome gentleman in his late twenties welcomed me. He took down my profile including my age, monthly income and expenditure details, habits, hobbies and what not. Then he introduced himself ‘as one of the best hair stylist available in town and been instrumental in changing the hairstyles, faces and life styles of present day youngsters. His clientele included film stars, siblings of businessmen and the ones who constantly appeared on Page 3. 

“Did you notice the face of Amir Khan in ‘Dil Chahta Hai’, sir?” He asked me with sparkling eyes

“I am not sure,” I said

“I did it”

“Did you like the hair style of Akshaye Khanna in Hera Pheri, Sir?“

“I don’t think I saw the movie in the first place” I said.

“I did it”

“Recently I changed the hair style of Chunkey Pandey, Aditya Panchole, Dalip Tahil, etc., Sir” he said.

When I gave him a blank look, he realized that my knowledge about who’s who of Bollywood stars is near to nil.  He changed his topic and offered to combine my hair styling session with live discussion on certain favourite subjects.

“These days, everything is available in promotional packages, sir” he told me. “You may have heard of campaigns such as  “buy one; get one for free” , “Two to the value of one” etc. The present day market is very competitive, so I have a special offer exclusively during the monsoon season”.

Then he started to ask through his questionnaire: “Do you like your hair done under A/C or Non A/C?”  
I preferred non-A/C.

During the hair styling session, the hair stylist wanted to know if I prefer listening to the tunes of popular Hindi songs Via Ear phone or wish to watch TV (any channel of my choice)?”

I replied in the negative. “I just wish to have my hair cut done. Nothing else” – I said. .

The hair stylist was not satisfied. “You seemed to be a new comer to this city, sir,” said he. “The present day Mumbaikars are no less than Frenchmen in terms of their fashion and dressing sense. You seem to be far behind in your outlook?’

I did not give a damn to what he said. He further asked me:

“Do you like your hair done in the course of a discussion on politics, sports, Bollywood films or the like?”
“Nothing” - I said, “I am here for a week and I am not interested in any of them”
“I am sure you will be interested to hear about the latest on Aishwarya Rai, Mallika Sherawat or Rakhi Sawant?”
“None” I said.
“How about a classified discussion on Bal Saheb Thakeray or Raj Thakarey, Pramod Mahajan or Natwar Singh?
 
I did not respond at all.

“ Do you have a fashion for particular brand sir, when it comes to shaving cream, after shave lotion, shampoo, soap or powder?” –
“Not really” I replied “You may use any decent product that doesn’t spoil my peace of mind in the future”

Finally, I had my simple hair conditioning done bereft of any discussion on any of the subject offered by him or without listening to any music or watching any channel of my choice.

Yet the Hair Stylist at the end of his session charged me a whopping Rs. 1500 without further discount or discussion. When I confronted him he said:

“ I am extremely sorry sir, at the end of the day I am responsible for the success of my owners marketing strategy. You are the first client in my entire career that had a haircut done without availing any of our promotional packages. Yet you have wasted my lucrative 3 hours in fruitless discussion. Such clients are normally charged a flat rate of Rs. 2000 per session”.