July 16, 2006

Whilst my son and his friends preferred to watch the World Cup semi finals in a nearby star hotel, I and my wife settled down to watch the so called ‘Live Coverage’ on Mumbai floods.

“Who is playing today?” asked my wife

“Lord Varuna”. I told her. “Did you not hear about rains lashing Mumbai?”

“I know, I know,” she said quite curtly.  “But I am talking about the World Cup Football semi finals being played tonight”

“Germany Vs Italy”

“I wish Italy wins,” said my wife.

“Is it because of Sonia Gandhi connection?” I asked her. She ignored my question, instead posed a question towards me-

“Which channel would be the best to watch the Mumbai floods”?

“How about CNN?”

“I don’t think so they are aware of floods in India”

“Why?”

“Don’t express your ignorance” said my wife. “Don’t you know that after such a great delay their ‘Discovery’ is leaving tonight for the orbit. I don’t think they have time to splash the news of our floods”. 

“How about BBC?” I asked her.

“Hell with your BBC” snarled my wife. “Ever since Mark Tully is out of BBC, they are only interested in exhibiting Indian poverty, as if what Satyajit Ray showed to the world was not enough”

“How about Aaj Tak, Kal Tak, Star News and so on?”

“We don’t get those expensive channels on our TV. They are meant for non-reliable Indians settled abroad”

“How about Zee News, the common man’s channel and I think we belong to that category”

Finally we decided to watch the Mumbai floods (rather their coverage) on Zee News. The reader, a stunningly beautiful girl in her late twenties was at the News Desk, she was conversing with the correspondents placed at various points in Mumbai.

One was standing (fully drenched in water) in a two feet deep water filled pond near Wadala railway station, the other at Ghatkoper, the third one at Elphinston Road and so on. They were updating the News Reader about the most up to date status of rains and their aftermath.

The situation was quite alarming, gloomy and heart rendering. 

We heard Mumbaikars expressing their anguish and agony, of course with a smile on their face as usual. Some families were shown feasting on Marine Lines, eating ice cream and lollypops as if that was the best time for a family picnic.

“This is the best time to enjoy,” they said.

“Probably they are shooting for promos of some soap, shampoo, or the like” said my wife.
Correspondents from Sakinaka, Bandra, Chinch-Pokli came on-line to post their side of reports. It looked as if Mr. Bharat is enacting a scene from his film “Roti Kapdaa Aur Makaan! –“ yeh logon ke paas naa roti hai, naa kapda, yaa makaan” 

My son called to inform us that Italy stroked the first goal in the second half of the game.

“Is he inquiring about the rains?” my wife asked.

“No, he is not interested about Mumbai floods anymore as he is dreaming of migrating to Australia. He called to inform that Italy scored the first goal”

I could read the dismay and disappointment on my wife’s face”

The Municipal commissioner appeared on screen to explain the precautions taken by his team to restore the normalcy.

“He deserves an award for his excellent work last year” said my wife. “If the New York Mayor Rudolf Guillani gets an award for his work at the World Trade Center on September 11, why not our commissioner?”

 “But there is no such award in India” I told her. “If there was one, my brother was the first deserving candidate. He carried twelve school going children to safety last year”
 
“Look there” screamed my wife pointing at the Television. “Did you see that correspondent talking to the Dabbawalla and the children playing alongside in the water?”

“Yes, I did. But what is so special about it. That reflects the creativity of Zee News photographers”

“Hell with your creativity” – shouted my wife “Don’t ever talk like M.F. Hussain. I saw this particular video clipping 25 times last year, for full one week after 26 July!” 

My son called to inform that Italy has won the game with two goals.

By that time our dog, the Tarzan arrived. We shared our concern about the Mumbai floods and the sufferings of our people”

“I am amused at the technical know how of your Weather Bureau” said the dog. “Do you people know that they sensed the arrival of rains only 24 hours before the floods lashing the city”?

“I guess so” – said I.

“Did you see any dog loitering around, in whichever clippings shown on Zee News, whether today or in last year”?

My wife was stunned. “I am sure there wasn’t a single dog around when the rain stormed Mumbai”
 
“That’s exactly the difference between you the super humans and the dogs” said Tarzan. “You people have the sixth sense and we have the twelfth!    You will never believe that we the dogs smelled the rains seven days in advance. I personally feel that you should throw off your weather sensing devices to the deep sea and face the music”

“But how about hiring dogs instead of installing expensive devises?’ I said. My wife felt that my suggestion is worth a million.

“I am sorry to inform you,” said the dog. “You people are too late to decide like always. The Americans have already outsourced us to do exactly what you are planning now. Very soon we will be stationed somewhere near Bangalore to forecast the climatic situation in Florida”.