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Do Fathers have Time to Laugh?
By Antony T D'Souza

February 19, 2014

It was my question at point-blank to over 50 fathers in the Doha community. "As a father and a husband, do you have the time to laugh and to feel good?" The immediate reaction that I observed was that they grew a bit dim and suspicious, they wondered perhaps 'how Antony came to know facts of my life'. As I assured them that it was just a survey, they replied, 'You said it right Sir, I have no time to laugh'.

There is no role in our modern society that suffers greater neglect as far as God is concerned than that of the father. Not only has God given men the incredible privilege of imitating Him as father, He has placed upon the shoulders of fathers an incredible family responsibility. The most important building block of any society is the family. The family is the foundation, the cornerstone of civilization. Within the family one of the most important roles is that of the father. Today the father’s significance has largely been increased but not realized.

As we have seen, a husband or a father is a man of responsibility, dawn to dusk. As a husband, from the day one that he gets married, his responsibilities begin with his LONE worries for a decent house, decent living. As a responsible father, from the child's birth to his/her education, fetching a job, his/her marriage, it is the father who arranges the complete finance. A wife requires everything from him at the cost of her husband and as a father, he leaves no stones unturned to provide everything to his children lest he should feel horrible pain for his children.

The formula to keep wife and children happy is to bear the burden of your family completely and strive for it where end is not seen, but stress and struggle. A husband or a father, contradicting to his nature, completely bends himself only with an aim to keep his family happy. Imagine how important role a father plays. He keeps his work stress for himself, neglects his own health, takes no food on time but junk food at some time. With this kind of work, he becomes a victim of all kind of diseases, he visits no doctor on time, as a result he dies earlier than his beloved wife. Since most wives are inside the house, she is comfortable inside the house at least she takes some food on time, kitchen is close to her. Whoever I interviewed, it was a fact to note that 85% of their fathers passed away prior to their mothers.

Someone might argue that husbands are dying earlier than their wives because he is generally elder to her. It is true, but it does not go well with the reality. Wife and children completely depend on the head of family and he takes care of them very well. On the contrary, a wife or a mother usually is good at taking care of her children but may not be of her husband. Therefore, a father or a husband plays a more pivotal role in the family. For children nowadays, not all are attached to mother alone but fathers too.


Why doesn't a father find time to laugh?

Most crunching burden of the family is 'finance' where most of the wives know not to arrange finance for the house. Every wife has dreams but it is the husband who fulfills it, come what may. In some household wife also works but generally she works only for herself for her ornaments (of course there could be some cases of excuses too). Usually a wife is selfish when it comes to her husband while a husband being selfless provides for both wife and children equally.

1. The economy: Most people still believe in running single income house hold, father runs around morning till night in bad traffic, stress from thinking of constant bills, he ignores his health, takes panadol for headaches (which is a sign that something is going wrong in his system), with no preventive and proper lifestyle, seating a lot and hours in traffic, father has a silent stroke and dies.It is true, usually people have not given serious thought about it.

2. Lifestyle choices: Careless fathers!!Some fathers live irresponsibly, chasing all the girls in town, drinking and smoking like as if tomorrow may not exist, gradually they kill their bodies with bad elements, and they die on their own.

3. Travel: father works like a dumb donkeyto keep their family happy, travel far and wide or fathers work involves plenty travel, so many accidents and risks are involved at roads plus majority of commercial drivers are fathers not mothers.

4. Hard labour: fathers more than mothers are involved in hard manual labour and coupled with failure to care health of hisbody and heart gives way.

5. Lost at medication: Mothers due to pregnancy get to check their health more and see red flags / indications on time, most fathers never go for voluntary tests till it’s almost too late.

6. Stress: A wife screams and takes out her pressure but a husband keeps his all emotions, frustrations bottled up. To make it worse, smoking. Drinking, neglects health, a wish he suffers. No time to laugh but too busy drinking.. Stress kills especially when they are broken down. The humiliation and depression alone is enough to overdose, no wonder their deaths are always mysterious. Stress kills a man completely.

7. Take a break! If not at times but all the times if husband and wife do not get along well, if chemistry of hell is going between themevery moment and if it is becoming a scandal to children or to neighbors it would be ideal to take a break for some months or years, it depends. Taking break it does not mean he has an excuse to laugh more. But No, we should not laugh at somebody’s cost. It is a break we call on the way or on the path for reconciliation for the sake of children and the smiles soon to return within the family.

8. Other important issues: Stress and means limited to live a middle class or upper class life to lead a decent living in the society. As he gets up in the morning, all blood sucking issues surrounds him about which a mother can’t help i.e., money to buy to the household, bank loans to repay, school fees, house rent (in the middle east countries), to drop children to school and reach office on time irrespective of heavy traffic, wife’s or children’s ill health, higher education to children and job, marriage of children and when they get old take care of their grandchildren. No rest…where is the time to laugh even though there could be much of unexplained joy in the service of his family.

Mother’s role is emphasized every now and then and we know better about it. Yet over the years there have been many published studies on the importance of fathers. Without a father a child is much more likely to engage in activities that are abusive or harmful. Among sixty-three percent of young people who commit suicide are from fatherless homes. Men are the foundation of their homes. When they are physically or emotionally absent, the walls of their homes are subject to crumble; leaving their families broken and their children as casualties in the wake.

1. Eighty-five percent of children who exhibit behavioral disorders are from fatherless homes.
2. Eighty percent of rapists are from fatherless homes.
3. Seventy-one percent of high school dropouts are from fatherless homes.
4. Seventy-five percent of all adolescent patients in chemical-abuse centers are from fatherless homes.
5. Seventy percent of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes.
6. Eighty-five percent of youth in prison are from fatherless homes.
7. Seventy percent of pregnant teens are from fatherless homes.


It is not easy being a DAD. With juggling busy schedules at work and home, all we fathers can enjoy best of our limited life in a healthy way is by:

a. Working out which increases strength and stamina
b. Eating on time healthy food everyday for stress and diet are closely linked
c. Getting sufficient sleep, 6 - 8 hours. Power naps 15 to 30 helps reduce stress.
d. Flexibility being less rigid and less competitive becoming more patient.
e. Living happy. Being content with what God has given to us. Helps to fight stress which derives from constantly comparing with others.
f. Developing habit of laughing having fun with kids. A sense of humor goes a long way.
g. Sharing thoughts with the reliable ones instead of keeping day to day affairs bottled up inside till exploding.
h. Keeping busy by getting rid of clutter.. Cleaning office, garage, house or anything that is messy that surrounds.
i. Leaving work limited to office and keeping far from home, to better focus on family.
j. Dating wife, What's the saying?‘Happy wife. Happy Family life’. Dating outside family will ruin family peace, health and wealth which belong to your children.
k. Finding a good hobby, spending some with cordial friends, doing some social volunteer works by helping others is the prime factor staying fit by reducing the stress build ups.

My suggestions are:

• Fathers cut down the work load which may cause early deaths if it continues,
• If you drive, drive carefully or demand drivers to drive responsibly for the sake of your kids as they say "speed kills"
• Reduce drinking, smoking, and indiscriminate messing around. Make a habit of regular medical check-ups.
• Finally long for peace through prayers, exercise and yoga, evening walks and being sympathetic to your family.


Mothers knowing that you and children benefit from husband’s support and he is the breadwinner in the family, stop every outburst at him and taking a dig at him every now and then. Bring him for family prayers which make whole family to relax each night. Help your husband to live long “For children or for family, two heads are better than one.”

Children, make your father to smile as you show obedience to this words. Help your ageing fathers to reduce stress level first being grateful and sympathetic to him. Remember, soon you will be walking in his footsteps and your children must take care of you too.

Honestly, for me, every father in this world is a gem of person. I love every father even though at times some fathers lived a failed life. While someone gets married his intention is to lead a good life, good husband and an excellent father. But sometimes, certain circumstances might have taken away his dream. For me, however, what matters here most is, irrespective of hard role he played as anaffectionate father and a yielding husband yet he departsearly from thisworld. What sarcasm? All sacrifice he made for his family is soon to be forgotten? You know it better and we should not .We must remind our grandchildren lest what gain of his sacrifice and he is remembered no more ? Futile is not family’s once love and sacrifice? Being optimistic, as long we live in this world let us try to laugh with our family and friends. Let us keep ourselves fit and happy to live a longer life for we return no more to laugh again.

 

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Comments on this article
paul dsouza, balakunjeTuesday, July 15, 2014
mothers are also good & they too have several health problems more than a men. changing hormons timely & she cant give attention to her husband at time. old testament says women is a vision of DEVIL & that all curse from god.
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juliet mascarenhas, bejai mangaloreThursday, March 13, 2014
Fathers will have time to laugh if they make their children s mother laugh.
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Dharmendra Kotian, Udupi / ScotlandMonday, March 03, 2014
I Salute Fatherhood.
I Love Motherhood.
I Respect Brotherhood.
Good write-up Brother.
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Rita, GermanySunday, March 02, 2014
@Dms,thank you for listening my words.you Need not hide behind your work and expect from your wife to Keep order at home.you see we have learned in kannada" when a cat is not there ,Dances the Rates"so many a times children specially Boys are not listening to mother when the father is not there.All mothers are not a Indira Gandhi type.They cant get hold of housework and children.so now your turn at home to Show your presence not with shouting scolding or beating them.And you should understand your wife also a bit .because she as a Young woman at home ,cant be happy with cheques coming.you come and go like a lightning.more than 20years!so she must have decided to work.otherwise she wont be happy.You may write to me to my mail address then i will tell you the other side of the coin.my mail is
lasrado.rita@yahoo.de .Hope I didnt confuse you.make up your mind and I will tell you how to get order at home and be happy.
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Vincent Thomas Fernandes, Shirva/UdupiSunday, March 02, 2014
DMS, the article seems very good. All of us at least made us to forget our sorrow for some time a prelude to laugh.
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Edward Frank Govious, Mudarangadi/UdupiSunday, March 02, 2014
@DMS you last quote was superb. Thanks.
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Kevin Deepak Mascarnehas, ThokkottuSunday, March 02, 2014
Well said Rita Bai, a best consolation prize that someone can offer to such dejected cases !!. Good judgement rather comes from once own experience, although not necessarily.
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Dms, MangaloreSunday, March 02, 2014
@Rita,I am grateful to you for your kind words.My friend also suggested the same.I will do my best.I remember famous quote "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,a smile,a kind word,a listening ear,an honest compliment,or the smallest act of caring.All of which have the potential to turn a life around.Thanks
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Rita, GermanySunday, March 02, 2014
@DMS Mangalore,I forgot to add in my last massage ,is as you were away for too Long,why dont you make up your mind and give up Job and stay at home ,take up your place as a father,husband and show them what is a home .Dont give Chance to quarrel,or dont put pressure to wife not to work.She is having the Feeling like to mix .with People ,not only home and children.you should not feel that you as a man at home is awkword.she may give up the work later.but you are together as a Family so Long as God allows.Life is only once granted.Think about it and there is no Need to cry later.Think about some Hobbys like gardening that for health and mind good.You may feel happy as father later.
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Rita, GermanySunday, March 02, 2014
@DMS Mangalore,Sorry to hear your tragic Story.Not only you but I heard many such cases where People who work in Gulf.People at home demand more without knowing from where it Comes.They don't understand Money and ornaments,flats ,cars are not a must to be happy in life but peace and God fearing, love each other and respect that Counts.And I am sure you can still in your heart have peace and say you have fulfilled your part of extending love ,giving them a home and worked for them loved your children and working still for them so you can have a smile on your lips before you go to bed and thank God for the health HEgave you and say,God enlighten them.They will realize when time Comes and certainly may beg pardon.All the best.Wish you good health and dont get mentally sick thinking about it.
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Tom Thomas Joseph, Kollam/QatarSaturday, March 01, 2014

This is a timely subject. I had a recently argument with my wife n she commented that I'm not around enough with my kids. It is really hard balancing work and family, particularly in this economy. More and more is demanded. And though companies give lip service to balance, at the end of the day it's about making the numbers to keep the job. Perhaps it was this way for our dads too. As a person living abroad , I just have a month or so to spend with my kids in a year , and that too busy taking them around to keep them happy . Time flies just like that and a month will pass on like a few minutes and at the end of the vacation , it is a pain that I will be able to meet my kids only after a year and for the kids that my father will come only next year to see us.

So being a father.. where is the time to laugh ??????? My with is to find a very good job where in I can bring my family n be with them and much more , but luck should favor…. And many other factors….. Still, I try to reach them on phone and try to spend time with them …but that is not all ..N I can feel that They miss me and I miss them a lot ……. Still someday I hope and wish that I will spend more time with them and laugh with them & be a good father

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Susai Mary Tom, Hyderabad/QatarSaturday, March 01, 2014
It’s a good article sir... the hard work and the toil that men (husband/ dad) takes is not always recognized, noticed or appreciated.

However, when it comes to family the man is always seen as the head of the family. He is the bread winner of the family. He is responsible for building the family.

Yet not to forget that without the woman the family is incomplete. Both are equally responsible for bringing joy and peace into the family.

Practically, when we look around, we see men who work, men who are responsible, men who slog to earn money so that they can provide a better life for the family.

On the other hand, we also see men who are irresponsible about the family, men who just live for themselves.

We see women who work as well as take care of the family well. When it comes to laughing with the family, that's something that men need to work on. They need
to take time to spend with the family leaving all their office tensions aside.
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GAV, MangaloreSaturday, March 01, 2014
DMS, I also fall in your category, but little differently. Wife is more qualified than me, draws more salary than me. We live in the gulf. Do you know that her fat love/selfish love for money has blinded her/our family bond ? So far we have no children. Forget about time to laugh, I am dead yet alive. May be Mangaloreans who live any cosmopolitan cities in the world or the gulf families fall in this category in the gulf.. entire due to selfish love for money abandoning love for wife or love for husband and battering family love for money and self centeredness. I am sorry for these notations or hurt anybody in general.
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Dms, MangaloreSaturday, March 01, 2014
Thanks Sir.Very good article.I repeatedly read every word and become emotional because so many points mentioned here refer to my own life.Mine is a bit different story.Due to lesser salary I cannot bring my family here.I was working hard sending all my savings for the family.Almost 2 decades working in the gulf I went for good hoping that my loved one will respect me.My presence at home caused quarrels for silly reasons.My wife was working.I told that I will work in India and in addition, we have enough saved for decent living.I begged her being a mother please take care of children because entire home was in disorder and children's lack of attention.But she never stopped working.One year passed with daily quarrels.I lost my health,once admitted to the hospital,due to wrong medication I lost my natural health.After discharge I thought, last 20 years I was lack of love life but my health was ok,income was quiet good.After sacrificing everything what I got from loved one?Neither love,nor peace.Fortunately, my previous company called me again.Now I am working again in gulf after sacrificing my entire youthful days.I am still working hard for the sake of my children.I am alive but my living spirit dead long back.Sorry readers I cannot disclose my name.
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Mohan G. Shetty, Jeppu/Saudi ArabiaSaturday, March 01, 2014
Interesting Reading. Come up with regular writings Sir.
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Mark Stany A. D Silva, Kadri/Lyon/FranceThursday, February 27, 2014
In France I go to work, while she not. My daily burden is to fulfill my family needs while her duty is to care about me. IF those traditional values are missing as we see all around, tendency of laughing might cut down. But she too works, good many has family values while human nature as part of egoism many may not, women must agree that. It is not tendency to blame either, if society is evolving while family traditions are revolving.
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Mohan Ragavendra Kumar, Urva/Mumbai/ScotlandThursday, February 27, 2014
A right insight indeed. Kudos to you.
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geoffrey, hat hillWednesday, February 26, 2014
Of course they do have, to laugh at themselves!
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Rita, GermanyWednesday, February 26, 2014
Sorry again for interfering.It is true Lancy sir,here in Germany they say,To become a father is not difficult,but to be a father is difficult .you will be certainly looked after later from your daughter with the same enthusiasm you did to her.All the best.
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Shala D'Souza, Kemman/SaudiWednesday, February 26, 2014
I would like to add in addition to all that the wives do they pray every day for their husbands good health and long life.
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Lancy Henry Moras, Moushmi CreationsWednesday, February 26, 2014
Dearest Cony Baab,


A million or billion more than that thanks for a splendid write up on Fathers and the true feelings or a Father, where I do fall in the same category too.


I could go through each and every word of your awesome write up over here and had a tear I swear of all Fathers who read me Sir.


I am open minded and true by any speak up. I have a lonely daughter and looked after her every minute in the nights where a night is being created by God the Almighty to take rest but I could wake up every minute for my little kid daughter to look after her. "A crow could take away if I keep her on Top and an Ant could take away if I keep her on the grounds". I was afraid of this this old golden saying. I never got a time to laugh where a precious word "RESPONSIBILITY" was pinching me all alone.


I am thankful to you for reminding me that I am a FATHER too.


I have the immense happiness to explain the true GOLDEN ERA of my Dad over here. He didn't tell me how to live. He lived, and I just watched him living. My Father! - 2 God himself I could not give a holier name. A father is more than a hundred schoolmasters and if he get little time to laugh then take it from me Sir, that will be a 'True Heavenly blessing' in a happy family.


To conclude, I must say. any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad. The greatest gift I ever had came from God was I called my father as 'Dad' and I found him always laughing when he used to HUG ME!
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Suzan David, Uppala/QatarTuesday, February 25, 2014
Very True. I do remind my husband Mr. Terry David to relax daily although we do find daily going, sailing tough financial and family caring, school, house rent, electricity bill, food..The author of this write up made a realistic approach, well appreciated. After reading, my husband was grateful. Thank you.
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naveen kulshekar, mangaloreTuesday, February 25, 2014
Sincere to the family,those went to the gulf for earning good wealth,they kept their family back in native place, sacrificing their love life,worked hard and sent money to their family,either to the wife or to the parents. When you receive sufficient amount of money , you feel better and start living a life of pleasure, forgetting one who strives and work for their betterment. When he comes down for a rest ,the people at home feel bad,because they want to enjoy. After a few days they neglect him and wait for his return. This is what happens that nobody will deny.
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Rudolf J. Sebestin Saldanha, BendurTuesday, February 25, 2014
@ Marcel David P. Pinto, you said right.
But have you noticed on thing with the gulf returned people. Despite being earning a fat fortune, then (may not be your case) , yet they are not able to laugh back in their native place also. What could be the reasons !!
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Marcel David P. Pinto, Kinnigoli, KuwaitTuesday, February 25, 2014
Stress makes a man to shrink from his/her laugh.
In general, entertainment in the gulf is much less than other countries. Working hours are more, but less holidays comparing to India. i.e., in the gulf annual holidays could be 6 days while in India could be more than 36 days apart from weekend holidays. Since, sleep less and family responsibility, job responsibility is more, good observation done, where is the time to laugh. However, if job is good, many fathers may be laughing good while sending heavy money draft back to their bank account. I have observed yet money can not substitute to once own actual laugh, if the physical /mental stain exceeds more than money. I left gulf back in 2010.
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ad, mangloorTuesday, February 25, 2014
With marriage comes good baggage and bad baggage.
Married happily ever after is a notion on need to experience.
Marriage is a gamble like a lottery you win or you lose.
Marriages are not made in heaven, I lean towards they are coming from deep hell.

Jovial Boy I am not advising you either side If I were you I will abstain.

There is a saying Shaadi Shaadi, Barbadi.
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John DSouza, Mangalore/QatarSunday, February 23, 2014
I am grateful to R Bhandarkar mam and Antony Cony for noting my comment and for your encouragement.
Fashions and practices prevailing in our society force us to follow them customarily and reluctantly, which snatch our life laughs.
For instance, we have been carrying and moving the bullock carts on wheels for a couple of centuries, since the introduction of vehicle engines. We have kept the bullock cart on wheels instead of merely making the bull (the engine) to pull the cart (weight on wheels) or merely replacing the bull with the vehicle engine.
Is it our ignorance, negligence, arrogance or stubbornness?
Do we need to pay high to breathe poisonous pollution and suffer ill health?
Instead of carrying and moving the millions of tons of dead weight of commuters and goods on wheels like infants, if we use this huge burden on wheels as a pushing force, we can save more than 70% of fuel, eradicate health hazardous pollutions, reduce costs and increase the capacities of vehicles to meet the rapidly growing transport demand. We can avoid transporting commuters like animals, goods and materials.
We can avoid our CAD and have surplus balance, stop subsidies and achieve comfortable growth, increase foreign exchange reserves, create enormous job opportunities, reduce crimes and reduce poverty.
Do we wish a peaceful society, stable economy and clean environment?
Do we really need a special time to laugh and make the people around us to smile?
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Antony T. D Souza, Karkala / QatarSunday, February 23, 2014
Finally once again I Thank Sincerely :-
Mr. Deepak Shetty, Being the President of Karnataka Sangha Qatar, still you found some time to read and appreciate.
Rita Mam, Thanks for your repeated comments. I gauged it as a way forward on our mutual understanding, appreciated.
Dr. Pam, I could understand your real thoughts extensively from you mails. Keep writing and stay blessed always. Society needs you. You never offended me any way, never but if you got offended due to my few sentences, I really regret on that part. It was a negligence on my part and not a deliberate act. Will take heed out of it, will be careful never be repeated again. As I said previously, I always go for corrections and suggestions.
Ragavendra K. Adiga, Thanks and well appreciated.
Jovial Boy, Take good from the successful marriages, go ahead to marry but do not forget to invite all of us.
Nityananda Baliga, Good one. Thanks.
Shaik Shahansha, Thank you Sir. My article was lengthy and at times people can’t get it as they wished. But you have put your one paragraph so well, it covered everything why a Father gets no time to laugh in the gulf country. More over it came from you heart, and all people will say ‘THANK YOU’.

R. Bhandarkar, Along with you I too Thank John D’ Souza, philosophically woven. Please keep writing for
you are a Blessing for many, no forum can overlook you. Let us Thank God for your talents. Best Regards, Antony Cony.
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R.Bhandarkar, M'loreSunday, February 23, 2014
Dear Antony...
Thank you for taking time out to respond.All the best!
Dear John Marcel...
Thank you for finding my comments funny, witty and t the same time good for the health of this forum.
Dear Baab John D'souza...
Your quote will remain with the real 'ME'.
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shaik shahansha, Rajahmundry, QatarSunday, February 23, 2014
Dear Antony,

This article is really realistic one at present scenario at gulf countries who is having a family and children together. Early hours we start our daily routine working life and reach to our homes at night time with too tired atmospheres around us with busy scheduled all the time. When we reach home children s are almost busy with their studies or their homework, and the wife is helping them to their needs as well as husband needs for to have a freshness around him , but in fact laugh in between wife and husband , and as well as father and children, especially in Gulf countries is null.This is due to burden feeling always as a head of the family to provide all the facilities towards to his children.i truly agree with you what you emphasize in your article in detailed is touching to my heart. This is very general in our routine life , we are almost forgetting to laugh in daily routine life.And it's required to have this situation as a father to laugh with his wife and children together, then this family will have a really healthy atmosphere while the children growing stages.
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Nitya Ananda B. Baliga, MangaloreSunday, February 23, 2014
Hai Jovi Man, When I read our comment I remember one of the old saying, ‘ yaan madme aathini yaav maraiya, nik muni madme bodchi” translation ‘ you do not marry, you see my fate after marriage, how I have fallen”. Jovial, I think, so you are in a position now whether to cry or laugh ?. Do not worry, you do not trust anybody. They have enjoyed sufficient and now they say to you not to marry. You take a chance, Like them You too dip in the water and say later, water is hot or cold.
About your neighbors kiri kiri, take some counselling officers there to sort out what is wrong with them so that you can marry after peace is restored in their house. You see, anybody will laugh if some bachelor is asking others, whether to marry or not. What about if same is asked by an unmarried girl whether to marry or not, what would be your reply to her ?. Your name is Jovial Boy and remain same after your marriage as a Jovial Man.
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Jovial Boy, MangaloreSunday, February 23, 2014
If wives and children spend less money, why a father can’t laugh
If Children are obedient to parents, why a father can’t laugh
If wife takes care about her husband, why a husband can’t laugh.
If a father cut down his alcoholic beverages, why a father can’t laugh.
If he devotes his family thoroughly, why he can’t he laugh.

These above 5 sentences should be repeated by placing Mother Name where the ever Father’s name appears, i.e., If Fathers and Children spend less money, why a mother can’t laugh.
If husband takes care about his wife, why a wife can’t laugh and so on….

As a bachelor, I had no information about the essence of this article. Now I gathered it from Mr. Anthony’s writing. It is a new subject, I never dreamt that someone will put in paper, does fathers time to laugh. If he wants To laugh, he can laugh saving some time from his busy work calling his wife, in case she would not brag about the fight they had all week along and all night long !!. There are similar 3 cases in our neighborhood. Because of them ( I am a bachelor) I too can’t laugh, tensed neighborhood, kara kiri..

In conclusion, there are plenty of reasons why a Father and a Mother can’t laugh between them, scaring me before my marriage, to marry or not to marry ?. By looking at our neighbors, I strongly feel to have good fun now for you know not tomorrow, which type of women you will tie the knot and it can be also vice versa with the unmarried ladies too.. All scaring what type of husband he can be, for worse or for better ??. Readers tell me what should WE do.. marry or not ? Really, I am not joking. Present divorce rates are scaring too..
Whose mistake, his or her or both are one and the same??..Tell me …awaiting reply from bachelors, parents !!
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Ragavendra K. Adiga, Jeppu Boppal/BangaloreSunday, February 23, 2014
Well written. I liked the way the article is presented. It is good that plenty of people had queries about it. It is good that people came forward with suggestions. Very positive sign. It is true that Fathers have no time to laugh yet mothers too at times. I do understand by your comments, you did not go for comparative study between father and mother, which is usually and repeatedly done by the common people. Kudos to you mr. d' souza for analytical study or research works on Fathers and your wonderful suggestions presented therein.
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Rita, GermanySunday, February 23, 2014
@ Dear Antony Sir,your article on Father had a explosive effect in me.why, I dont want to explain here.but I want to tell you that didn't want to critisice or anything else.sorry if I hurt you.but that was what I felt I wrote .I am too emotional sometimes .By the way, why are you taking so much travelling,and responsibility on your shoulders now too instead of bit taking time with Family and relax?is it not too much for your heart and no time to laugh?(sorry ,you are specialist as psychology or)well all the best.
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Deepak shetty, QatarSaturday, February 22, 2014
Dear Antony,

I really liked the way you have written this article. Well researched and to the point. Keep writing.

Regards

Deepak Shetty
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Deepak shetty, QatarSaturday, February 22, 2014
Dear Antony,

I really liked the way you have written this article. Well researched and to the point. Keep writting.

Regards

Deepak Shetty
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Dr. Pamela. Pinto, Wellington, New ZealandSaturday, February 22, 2014
Dear Antony,

Thank you for taking the time to write back. I appreciate your invite to discuss this via a more personal medium and thank you for sharing your email. Do expect one from me! :)

All the best with your meet
Pam
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Antony T. D Souza, Karkala / QatarSaturday, February 22, 2014
Dear ND Silva, Thank you Sir. Kindly read my comments above in Dr. Pamela.
Wilson Saldanha. You are a Great Man. Because of your encouragement , I am here in this column since one year. You said right. I do need a small correction there.
John Marcel Sir, we are not called to compare between the two and give instructions to them. You are most welcome to write about my article for my corrections. Thanks.
CGSsama, Everyone knows that you have been recognized by forum as brilliant writer of our time. Thanks for your support to your friend, Antony.
I feel now, it is difficult to continue to write on each and every comments. Thanks to each and everyone who made this article interesting by your kind comments. Thanks to Della Mam, Arnold Sir and my close ardent friend Glany bab. Thanks to John for you have put the things very straight away.
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Antony T. D Souza, Karkala / QatarSaturday, February 22, 2014
A.S. Marthew Sir, Thanks for your time from USA. I always find good substance in your comments.
Dr. Edward, Thank You Sir. Despite your busy schedule, you thought of ping few lines as an encouragement to me.
Dr. Pamela, It was a case study on Fathers, ‘ What are the Factors causing them to die early’. It was not a comparative study between father and mother. Research findings are many i.e., stress bottled up, no regular medical visits etc., . Few of them I have mentioned. If any article comes out, it is wrong to assume that it comes from once own experience from his house. I am a community and a social thinker therefore, I go for research. I was a Lecturer in Sociology lecturer in St. Aloysius College in Mangalore back in 1980’s. I do carry out the same job on numerous topics. I hope you got it. Insult to mothers, no way. If some form of selfishness not in the house, either with father or mother or both of them there would have been no divorce among the families. It does not mean that Father’s are saints. I do not want talk much about it here. Let us share our thoughts. You may write to me antonyqtpc@yahoo.com . As I am now busy in business meet at Miami, Houston, Washington DC and California, I read all comments today.
Rita Mam, My aim was about fathers. I do agree whatever you said. Kindly read my comment in Dr. Pamela's column-space.
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Antony T. D Souza, Karkala / QatarSaturday, February 22, 2014
Dear Friends,
Writing an article is a hobby but equally what important is reading the comments for our self-correction, is matters most. Therefore, as short as possible, individually I Thank.
Malcom Sir, Rightly said. Thanks. Lydia Mam, I agree with you. Thanks. Ajith Sir, Well said Thanks.
R. Bhandarkar Sir, You make people to laugh by your shrewd comments. It is a good virtue. Dubai’s case, is a rare incident, it does not call out for writing something special.
Jasmine Mam, You said completely right. Thanks. I too know you once I met you at QAFCO. You know gulf life, how stressful it is. Yes it is for both. But it was part of my research study on fathers specially in the gulf. That was the exact reason I did question some Father’s in Doha community. However, next time similar research study on Mothers , I will call on you too. Cheers !.
Lawrence Sir, Thanks. Yes it is a tribute to all fathers. Actually I planned to publish this article on ‘Father’s day’. Now it is okay.
Sylvester Sir, You are right. Mother is a Mother. Who can underestimate her sacrifice all along our life.
Mother is a God’s symbol of Love and care. My article on father, I did not want to compare with mother although I should have taken them both together in my article, I feel now.

Dominic Sir, You said right. Thanks. Govinda Sir, Sure next time. Thanks. Ramesh Serigar, you said right. Thanks. Mahohar R. Thanks. Well said...to continue..
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Rita, GermanySaturday, February 22, 2014
As we are by the Topic,mother is near the kitchen takes meals in time,I would like to narrate a incident about 6years back happened.We my husband and myself were on Holidays in Mangalore.Our next neighbour who was in UAE had built a house and invited us for housewarming Party.It was a Grand feast.all went well guests went away.sisters of his wife too went away with voll packets of Food.later towards evening I saw the Lady (who was looking very sick,lost weight)and two Kids were crying one was below a year ,elder was about two.as I saw in the kitchen it was kaos noone is there to help.to warm up milk to the Kids.husband was ordering Food for him and his drink kumpans,sitting with hot Drinks.was full.I helped her to clean and put order,.before i went back,i asked her,if she gets help any time from husband,she told me,he is telling her why did I marry and brought you do you think?Its true.Their thinking will never Change.It is there.It has come with mothers milk and we women have to accept it but not always .
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R.Bhandarkar, M'loreFriday, February 21, 2014
Baab John....
'If we realize the emptiness and foolishness of this world, it is hard to stop laughing'.....
What a Gem Baab! This indeed takes
some penetration and drilling to
get in.Coming back on the lament
of not finding 'No Time to Laugh'
and all the comments for and against it-your quote not only
'seals the matter' but is a guiding
force to lead life for all it is worth.I have always followed your
comments of substance each time,this quote, however will be with me forever...yes with me forever.
Thank you dear Anthony Cony for making it possible.
Best Regards.
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John DSouza, MangaloreFriday, February 21, 2014
If fathers have so much to time to write, read, discuss, argue and comment and don’t find time to laugh is a misery/tragedy. It is a serious issue of mismanagement of time or following of wrong schedule like impossible efforts to catch the air in hand.
If a person is alive he needs no extra time to laugh. If his mind and heart permits he can laugh throughout time the he is awake.

Dear dad, please don’t be sad, be happy and laugh all the time to thank
Your children are wonderful gifts with the blessings of Almighty God
As the boundaries are prefixed, it is not possible to cross the borders with greed
We run on broadways and highways with narrow minds and selfish hearts to compete and compare to gain mere worries, tensions and pressures
Limit is the grip to live limited life with full of limitations
Narrow path with broad mind and clean heart is the way to heaven
Jesus assures that we can perform great wonders with trust and faith in God
A couple (male and female) two bodies with single life (superior/inferior)
If we realize the emptiness and foolishness of this world, it is hard to stop laughing
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Hardeep S. Singh, Mumbai/PatnaFriday, February 21, 2014
I knew since my college days in Manipal that there great writers, composers, poets, musicians etc in the glorifying land of Manipal/ Mangalore and you added some more to it by your inspiring write up..I admired your article perhaps you made good research on the subject content in the wider society, it is reflecting . Congratulations to you. Kudos to the Great Land of Mangalore where once lived. This daijiworld makes us keep connectd. Thanks to its MD and its ardent staff.
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Dr. Ramesh S. Baliga, Mysore / HollandFriday, February 21, 2014
I comment because your one sentence really touched me saying " I LOVE ALL FATHERS IN THIS WORLD" This is unusual writing and philosophical too. Where ever part of this world you live, whoever are around you and your Family are really the Blessed People in this world. You are rare of this kind for sure. I heard here all the people saying 'Glory to God' and I repeat the same.
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Jean H. Sequeira , Udupi/ IrelandFriday, February 21, 2014
Great Article Mr. D' Souza. Innovative and Brilliant. Given sufficient thought on Fathers. We do come across plenty readings on Mothers while on Fathers very rare because nobody puts his Greatness in paper, perhaps overlooked. Kudos to you. God Bless You.
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Glany Fernandes, Mangalore / DubaiFriday, February 21, 2014
Great thinking and nice points to explain, why the father/husband should be loved most. Quite large number of articles we read about mother/wife, very few will come out to explain about father/husbands place in a family and his dedication. Enjoyed reading it.
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R.Bhandarkar, M'loreFriday, February 21, 2014
Dear Antony....
'Do Husbands Have 'Time To Kill''
should be your next special. This time the survey should be in Dubai and questions asked straight to 50 hubbies concerned.
Why I post this? This is my comment on another article in this portal 'Indian National Sentenced to Death in Dubai'. It turns out that he had killed his wife and had ample 'Time To Kill'.
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R.Bhandarkar, M'loreFriday, February 21, 2014
No wonder the smile :) Putta ! No wonder....
Such a ravishing smile cannot come from the married....I stand corrected and enlightened.
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Dr. Pamela. Pinto, Wellington, New ZealandFriday, February 21, 2014
R.Bhandarkar :)
Thank you for your generous compliments. But just to let you know a little about me, I am neither a mother nor am i married, yet! :)
i spoke on behalf of all (at least those who wouldn't want to be described so) women, working, non working, married, unmarried, mothers or childless, upper,middle or even lower class. No woman needs to be told that a man is better because he is not selfish and materialistic! That and the other two sentences along the same lines are the only ones i have a problem with. Why then would i want to make my comments witty when they are upsetting?! Like i said, Mr. Antony writes well and kudos to him, but a BIG NO to the derogatory remarks about women. I am a daddy's girl and my brother a mumma's boy as Rita from Germany has mentioned, but that's just to say it so. My brother and i (and as I am sure most kids)have just one mother and one father who you cherish, love and respect equally as the same goes for parents who i hope love their sons and/or daughters equally.
As for those who are 'trying' to insult me, I find the effort a droll! )
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R.Bhandarkar, M'loreFriday, February 21, 2014
Now, dear Antony..See...
Whether fathers have time to laugh or not...You have managed to encroach into the 'precious laughter time' of Dr Pamela Pinto and Dr.Savita,both mothers, and made them brood.
Dr.Pamela has retorted by Tsk Tsk..or something like that! Very beautiful-Dr. Pamela Pinto, I got floored by her 'smiling photograph'
which I saw the other day along with her article. I do not get 'floored' that easily Antony Sir and nor do I chase all girls in town for your kind information!
What I want to say, however you have got your own back cutting
the 'time to laugh' of at least 2 mothers. Haa..I have but a little
'Time to Laugh' over it.
Never mind dear Putta...In New-Zealand such things happen. Keep smiling your beautiful smile.May God bless you, your family and everybody else.
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geoffrey, hat hillFriday, February 21, 2014
No wonder FATHER is humorously but rightly acronymed: Faithful And Trustworthy, Honoring Every Responsibility. I guess that covers almost all virtues in the dictionary even though some of them come as part of the package and not by choice. But anyway, not need to get sore or rather pissed off about it, for ‘virtue is its own reward!’
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Rita, GermanyFriday, February 21, 2014
@Melcom Lewis,Dubai,we cant say generally that Kids love father more than mum.depends on who Shows more affection and more closer to them.Mostly Boys are attracted towards father and his Hobbys like cricket,football ,fighting etc.or technic.these Hobbys less interesting to Girls.but as i observed Girls are showing more love towards father and father towards daughter.sons to mother.but we have to conclude that both are important to childs growth and mental stability.when One is lenient other has to control and see that child doesn't go out of margin.
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roger, kudlaFriday, February 21, 2014
This read has a negative aspect on mothers.who said women or mothers dont work hard. In fact some work harder.Thinking men don't have time , its because they don't make time.both should be seen equally.fathers dont have time to laugh ? Why. Nobody stopped them . It's because they choose to do so. Think about it. And change your thinking.time doesn't come to you . You need to make time for your loved ones.always money is not important. Love is.

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Arnold Lobo, Bangalore / QatarFriday, February 21, 2014
God is love and if we are living today in this world, it is because he is a merciful, compassionate, loving & forgiving God. He not only forgives but forgets our wrong doings. I am sure if we inculcate the same in us and show the same love God has for us to others, then our life will be blessed and we will experience the true peace & joy that is much needed in this materialistic world. God bless all the readers of this article
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Santan Mascarenhas, Kinnigoli/MumbaiThursday, February 20, 2014
Subsequent to my comments, a lady known to me asked me, which wife tells while knowing her husband has only ten lakhs and he does not pay 20 lakh capitation fee. In normal circumstances,yes, a wife won't. But I have come across some incidences,where husband has no capacity to bring so much money unless he adopts "beg, borrow or steal" policy. At any cost, keeping up with the Joneses, wife wants her son a doctor. I know the majority of the women are the embodiment of love, patience and tolerance, but there are black sheep among men and women. I know a girl who is highly educated, but has a basic B.A. Degree in Psychology. She left her very good job to see her children grow in front of her eyes.
She with her husband's modest income, keeps him, his mother and children always smiling and laughing.
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DR. PAMELA PINTO, Wellington, New ZealandThursday, February 20, 2014
Tsk tsk Mr. John ... tsk tsk
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Jasmine Sequeira, QatarThursday, February 20, 2014
John, I don't find anything so upsetting in what dr. Pamela has written that you have stooped to such low levels in degrading her. I neither know you nor the others. Yes being in Qatar I do know the writer. Everyone can exercise their freedom to express their thoughts. But in expressing our thoughts we invariably land in exposing our personalities sometimes unless we are writers or poets who can portray fiction as truth. They make good story tellers which most of us, including me, enjoy reading. I am only writing because these sort of lowly attacks on people who have commented shows us mangloreans in poor light. This article already shows 50 Doha wives in poor light, let's not add to those fifty.
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John Marcel Balmerro, Mangalore/New ZealandThursday, February 20, 2014
Mr. Bandarkar and Madam Pinto, Wellington, New Zealandit,
To be True, almost every line likes Mr. Bandarkar’s comments which goes really witty and funny and it should be so for a healthy forum.
Pinto, you must follow writing style of Mr. Bhandu mam and you should not contest with other readers or commenters as if you and your husband are saints of pure 100% gold order, please do not paint a rosy rosy picture which is not necessary in the forum and nor any couples can nerve be perfect too. I would rather say Personally take care about your children and Husband, respect him with all your heart and not mind. Make him laugh with your humble and polite words, take him for regular medical check ups as per the suggestions given in the articles and you too liked them. You gauge yourself and do not be a public accuser or gossiper or pleaser which serves no purpose but shows your mean mentality and how weak you are within you and your family.
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Santan Mascarenhas, Kinnigoli/MumbaiThursday, February 20, 2014
It is a good article by Antony D'Souza. While I agree with most of his points, one cannot disagree with the views expressed by some doctors and others. Some men conduct their life in such a way that they dig their own graves. In some times wives may also be responsible.

Since happiness is a relative term, it is upto the man and his wife to conduct their life in such a way that makes their family happy and get time to spend together and laugh with the children.

I have come across an instance in Mumbai, that after successful heart surgery, the doctor asks the man that his mother, father, wife and children are waiting outside and since only one person can go into ICU, whom he should send. The man told him anybody, except his wife.
Since it is strange, the doctor asked him next day the reason and the man said he was extremely happy with his job, wife and beautiful children, but he had a neighbour who used to give diamonds to his wife occasionally. Now this man's wife also wanted it and he just tried to collect diamonds for her till he came to the operation theatre. There are some women who say at the time of marriage, that they are not interested in wealth, gold and property, but a simple and loving life. When some relatives go out of india and bring luxury she says "even dogs and cats have made big houses, but, we are here" How can he laugh with the children ? There are others, when he has 10 lakhs in bank wife says he did not pay 20 lakh capitation fee for son's MBBS admission.
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Agnello, Mangalore/MuscatThursday, February 20, 2014
I think when women of the world are making a concerted effort for their rights as a 'woman'(which is quite appropriate) it would have been good that the man of the house would be little better appreciated for his role as a'husband' and a 'father'.I think this lack of appreciation is showing up as a frustration in this article.
But whatever the frustrations in life, its compensated well enough when your young daughter jumps into your arms when you return from a business trip.Lets appreciate these small things that give us immense joy rather than feeling burdened by the role a father/husband has to assume.
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Pamela Pinto, Wellington, New ZealandThursday, February 20, 2014
R.Bhandarkar,
The second and third comment were actually in response to your's and another comment i liked, but somehow, a technical glitch caused them to become separate ones on their own. As for the last para, just had to speak my mind in the limited number of words, hence the huge para! :D
If i were to speak greatly about a certain section of the community, my aim would be to point out what that section does to deserve respect and/or accolades, not disparaging the other section of the community. That would be too low a blow )
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Dr. Pamela. Pinto, Wellington, New ZealandThursday, February 20, 2014
Dr. Savita Rita Govious (yep, addressing you directly rather than being cheeky)Why so assumptive?! You hardly know me to say " low attitude elite few,doctor". Have i even once tarnished Mr. Antony's reputation? In fact, I did acknowledge his good tips. I specifically had a problem with the lines that i pointed in my comment. Women work to buy ornaments for themselves?! My mother doesn't, nor do i and my girlfriends. Do you? did you choose to become doctors to buy yourself Jewellery?!?! And he also went on to add that women (mothers and wives) are selfish (excuse me?) and they care only for their children and not for their husbands!' My mother and father love each other equally. And so do the rest of my friends who are married. Marital problems exist, yes. I do not know of Mr. Antony's status and if he has written this with his experience in mind, then fine. But to make sexist generalizations about women?! As i said before, I have no qualms about the tips he is giving men. In fact, it applies well to all humans to follow. But the only way to put oneself high on a pedestal by stepping on someone's head is not the way. And call me a feminist if you will, most men here too have commented the same. One doesn't need to be elite for that, one just needs a bit of common sense!
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R.Lewis, Mangalore/BahrainThursday, February 20, 2014
Very nice article dear...its very true....Keep it up...God bless and all the best...
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CGS, MangaloreThursday, February 20, 2014
I totally agree with my great friend
and philosopher Mr.Antony Timothy
Cony D'Souza.Fathers have no time to
laugh but Mothers have time to love!
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Reshma Lobo, Mangalore/KuwaitThursday, February 20, 2014
Beautiful article Anthony Sir.. I have been my father's girl.. I truly love my father. Apart from that my mother also has been a great support and looked after us,me and my brother with love and care, while my father was working abroad. Father does plays a vital role in our lives and equally to that Mother helps in upbringing the children with the utmost love and care..Father is the pillar of our house..I would conclude saying " A child looks up at the stars & wonders. Great fathers put a child on his shoulders and helps to grab a star - By Reed Markhan
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Della Rego, Doha, QatarThursday, February 20, 2014
Now a days full family does not have a minimum time to be together with each other at home due to the nature of works, office timings-6 days in a week and if both couples are working, children's tuitions, extracurricular activities, etc etc...so whenever is possible one need to take the opportunity to be with each other in family and share things. I feel ladies are much affected than men with regard to laughs, as ladies need to do the double duty at home after they come to the home. I no need to list the nature of work the ladies does once they return to home. I believe that nowadays husbands too are equally helping their wives at home with regard to all work. Great changes indeed.
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Prakash Naik, Kundapur, MuscatThursday, February 20, 2014
Hello Madam,
If you take the example of a nuclear family, which consists of husband, wife and 2 children, the article is very much positive.
As you know, with the modern facilities available in almost every house, like a washing machine, oven, cooking range, gas, vacuum cleaner, cooker, kettle, dishwasher etc., the woman's job at home has drastically reduced. I think you must accept this fact.

There are hundreds of wifeless men who are working and taking care of their children doing all the household chores. Hence, lets not keep talking about the century old argument that women are suppressed. It is not so in the modern world. Now men are being suppressed and most of the laws are in favour of women, so many women take advantage of this to dump their husbands for easy going life. These are my opinion with due respect to women in general.
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R.Bhandarkar, M'loreThursday, February 20, 2014
I owe this to Dr. Pamela Pinto!
Loved the 'subtle message' in the concluding paragraph! It was a 'bumpy ride 'though before coming to the message.
Re-read the last paragraph...My only complaint is that it could have come out better.
Regards Antony...
keep Laughing....(Know now-You have time for much more!)
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Wilson Saldanha, Shirthady/ KuwaitThursday, February 20, 2014
As a FATHER and MAN I totally support your article which is well written with great study on the subject. It is a guide to every man to learn how to maintain a balanced lifestyle and live long happily. I totally agree that man's life is a circus to act against his will to satisfy every member of family, whether it comes to parents, siblings, spouse or kids.

On the other side I disagree with the article as even wive's life is more miserable these days as she also has to look after contributing the expenses of family by earning along with her daily routines such as cooking, cleaning, children's education follow ups.....etc. Forget about laughing, sometimes she not even gets time for a proper breath. Someone commented that Nowadays kids are more closer to father than mother. This is because fathers have more spare time at home compared to mothers and always ready to agree with kid's demands to avoid disagreement. Even though I am a father and should be happy with the praise to fathers, the fact always remains as fact.
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N D'silva, MangaloreThursday, February 20, 2014
This is my first comment on Daiji. I was laughing when I read "A wife screams and takes out her pressure but a husband keeps his all emotions, frustrations bottled up." I guess this is what is happening in your home, Mr. D'souza.
We both work and even in our home share work of cooking and cleaning and at the end of the day we are happy. We share our salary in running the household and I have seen this in many homes. Of course, there are exceptions.
When I read your article I could feel the inner hatred or disgust that you have against women and especially working women. Excuse me if I am wrong.
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Abu Saad, Dubai/mangaloreThursday, February 20, 2014
Dear Madam, this is everyday complain of the wives and keeps on shouting, but the authors points are bitter truth, please picturise your father/brother dont think of Husband, you start admiring man... take it lightly....
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Dr. Savita Rita Govious , Mallikatte/MumbaiThursday, February 20, 2014
All of us, most importantly a priest, lawyer or a doctor know that ours is not a matriarchal nor a patriarchal family. Both parents are equal to us. A father can’t be a dumb and dud thing in a family for he also gives his total share to his family. Let us appreciate his role if not one of the attribute can be ‘ how a father can laugh ?’
It is a good and well thought article been carefully analyzed to give due credit to a father that belongs to him. The writer never stole mothers ‘role in the family nor compromised her role that with the father. This is an innovative, eye opener article for fathers to be remain blessed.
Further, if children adore only their mothers and neglect fathers, then how a father can find a situation to laugh and remain happy within the family. Children, Is this is the way to render back a father’s sacrifice to you who made us a doctor/engineer ? Let children make no more sad to their father as it learnt from some comments appeared here from so called low attitude elite few,doctor can be of that subjective order ....
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Rita, GermanyThursday, February 20, 2014
A article written about fathers responsibility as the head,father and husband is well explained.But I cant agree with certain things you said.For example,mostly women, are inside the house,take meals in time have less stress, etc..Do you really think so?instead women have to do the most of household ,dont take Food in time,when children are sick,its mother who offers her time,whereas men are waiting till Food is ready,beer in Hand(Mostly or hot Drinks)whereas women do the rest work like wash up dishes,wash cloths etc.who does clean at home?Men, of course, when they get sick ,dont go to doctor ,cause of laziness,.I wish to know really how much do you help at home ?who does the home work with the children?I think here you have really no time to laugh or?
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Dr. Pamela. Pinto, Wellington, New ZealandThursday, February 20, 2014
Very astute observation, unfortunately couldn't cover it in my comment as i ran out of words! :)
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Dr. Pamela. Pinto, Wellington, New ZealandThursday, February 20, 2014
Loved the subtle message!
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Dr. Pamela. Pinto, Wellington, New ZealandThursday, February 20, 2014
I tried not to read this through the feminist lens, but no matter how hard i tried, your article screamed out chauvinism to me.
Fathers ARE important,indeed,God has given not only man, but every human the privilege of imitating HIM. Father's & mother's both have a dawn-dusk responsibility.
Along with the house,living - caring for a child from the time in her womb until her own death is incomparable.
I have even seen women working as labourers (some even pregnant),taxi drivers,conductors,maids etc.
"Father bears the burden of family & finance completely" I very strongly disagree,shared,YES, completely? NO!
"He keeps his stress for himself.she's comfortable inside the house,takes food on time,kitchen's close to her."
Dont even get me started on what is wrong with this sentence. You've married to a have spouse with whom you share your joys AS WELL AS SORROWS.Hence the vow,'for better or for worse'!
Why are some men who work so delusional?!
"a wife or a mother usually is good at taking care of her children but not of the husband." SERIOUSLY?!?!?
"some household wife generally works only for herself for her ornaments.Usually a wife is selfish while a husband being selfless." PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE JOKING!
Good tips to live healthy, but must they be anti-women?!
A father working outside, gets at least a weekend to relax, ask a stay at home mother - she never rests.
Yes, fathers have an equally important role, but the need to rise up by putting women down is NOT the way to go Mr.D'souza.
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Dr.Edward Nazareth, MangaloreWednesday, February 19, 2014
Well written and thought provoking article to be read by all Dad's of today. Antony bab has given so much information, if Dad's can use this they are sure to become loving and caring Dad's.
Congratulations
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A. S. Marthew, U.S.A.Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Expository article shedding light to the modern family life engulfed in high level stress and mutual anger.

Laughter is the best medicine and it is contagious. Likewise, stress and anger are contagious.

The world-wide economic meltdown is adding more fuel to the fire and everybody in each home has to rectify their proper focusing in life through cutting down many of the unwanted luxuries in life, and many of them are indeed used as a showcase display to impress the neighbors and friends but we suffer the most while caught up in deeper debts. If my need is only for a comfortable car to take me from x to y place which costs $ 20000.00, why do I need to spend $ 75000.00 for a big name car? Simply to show the onlookers.
Brand name clothings?... made in the same factory somewhere in Neapal-China or Viet-Nam.

Blessed are the peace-makers, they are called the children of God. Be content in life. JESUS said both of those great divine instructions to be followed, to be happy in life. Our attitude determines our altitude. Change the attitude first.
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ismail a. mohamed, prevajeWednesday, February 19, 2014
TAKE A BREAK...might have made many fathers to laugh..cute one.
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Jawar D'Souza, M'lore/ DohaWednesday, February 19, 2014
This article is only about fathers. In a family, everyone has got a role to play, without that its difficult to run it. So lets not get carried away about father's duties. For a proper upbringing of children, both fa and ma thers are important.
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SSD, Udupi/BangaloreWednesday, February 19, 2014
I recently read a joke and it very much connects to what Mr D'Souza is saying. Here is the joke" A very anxious father-to-be paces up and down near the labour room while his wife is in there expecting their first born. The nurse there offers him water and also tries to keep him at peace. After some time, the doctor comes out giving the good news that it’s a baby girl. The proud father heaves a big sigh of relief and says “Thank God, she will not have to go through what I just did".
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Mahohar R. Devadiga, SydneyWednesday, February 19, 2014
Nice to read. i felt it is for all doest independently marked to gulf fathers. In India too we live a similar life with full of stress, in general where ever part of the world may be a father is being neglected by family and children too. let us face life. The article is true.
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Ramesh M. Serigar, Mangalore/OmanWednesday, February 19, 2014
It is true. In the gulf there are no much huge holidays. No much of national festival holidays, no strike holidays, no rain holidays,no much of Dhoni or Tendulkar game moods to stress out, In India or any other part of the world could be 30-60 holidays per year while in the gulf per year only 4-6 holidays.well said sir. In India office or school begins at 10 am while in the 5.45 to start from the house. He is being head of family, he takes all stress of children and so wife in the foreign land..Yes yes yes, where is the time to laugh...you could have made this topic much of generalizing too.
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R.Bhandarkar, M'loreWednesday, February 19, 2014
Dominic Sir
Sir Antony writes about a survey of 50 fathers in Doha community, but in the same breath or pen here talks of 'chasing all girls in town'?Possible in Doha?? Don't they fear the 'choppers' there?
Or else he might have picked on the 'finest or the most sly amongst chasers'!
When you chase so much, obviously where will you have the time or the energy to laugh??
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Govinda Poojary, SingaporeWednesday, February 19, 2014
You have done well with. You acknowledge mother's role which is widely emphasized and re emphasized while fathers role goes quiet and never got its due credit, but good that you brought those factors for open discussion.
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Dominic Raymond T. Fernandes, Kinnigoli, KuwaitWednesday, February 19, 2014
May be article is much coincide with the stressed fathers in the gulf. It reflects their story who begin the day with stress getting up from the bed at 5.00 am and return in the office late evening. Could be true no time to laugh due to financial crunch, no salary on time, house rent, high school fees, ?. Any way interesting article all fathers must read.
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Sylvester Rego , Mangalore/DubaiWednesday, February 19, 2014
The article is good, but one sided. Mothers are equally responsible for upbringing the family. In olden days we thought women were not working, but they played a greater role in the child's life in upbringing. Today its both. The article covers one sect of people, but not the majority.
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Lawrence Mark J. Coutinho, MangaloreWednesday, February 19, 2014
In fact it is a tribute to all Fathers. Often, sacrifice of a father is forgotten within or outside the family.
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Jasmine Sequeira, Mumbai/Mangalore/QatarWednesday, February 19, 2014
Responsible fathers n mothers make happy, confident n secure children. When the father lacks, the mother, whether educated or uneducated instinctively protects the children. I can also confidently tell you many a mother, wife put their health issues aside whilst ensuring that their children, husband are in good health. As for working women is only gods grace that allows them to juggle their lives as wife/daughter/mother/colleague...
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R.Bhandarkar, M'loreWednesday, February 19, 2014
Dear Antony
Looks like you are too much confused. I may b wrong, but the signs are there.The title in itself suggests.
What does it mean by the way? That
all fathers are stressed out and cannot laugh or do not find time to? In between, you write about most of them 'Kicking the Bucket' before due date , reasons for it
and go on about father's being gems in the world. Hold on-Might be your viewpoint,but generalizations just cannot be thrust going off tangent whilst writing an article however debatable the topic chosen may be.
Debatable I say because of some of the reasons you have cited as to why father's don't have time to laugh. Take a look at them:
Lifestyle choices:Chasing all girls in town?What's that? You write as if it as easy as playing pocket table-tennis! The 'hard labor' part is written without giving a damn about what a mother goes through while having 'labor pains' and delivering an angel. You meant physical work didn't you? How wrong can you be!The less said about the Stress factor you have described here the better! It's always a two way traffic boss in almost all cases and you have taken only isolated cases.
If at all there are doubts, please read Nikis Valentine special in this column.There Dr.V'mi says Love increases two folds after marriage.What have you got to say to it?
I mean there are so many points debatable and controversial here that I know not which one to take up and make a honest assessment.
No characters left.Homew'k needs 2 b done on ur part.R
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Ajith Peter Dsouza, Udupi/DubaiWednesday, February 19, 2014
Wonderful Article Antony. Well written citing incidents of day to day life of Individual who has to do a balancing act between the family and self. |The insights provided by you are certainly useful. This article makes a good read and also serves as a self help guide which will definitely help many to take time out from routine, be responsible as well as be a good father.
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Lydia Lobo, KadriWednesday, February 19, 2014
I find the article too generalizing. However, you have sent a warning - do not desire for pleasures beyond your capacity - you will have no time to enjoy what you have earned. Today, adults in the family may have lost their way but its not too late. Please start-over for the sake of your children. Sending them off with a couple of hundreds to buy food (or fun) of their choice does not relieve you of your responsibility but makes another family as frustrated, as lost in life as you are.

There still are wives who work for more than just ornaments - I salute them for sharing the burden of their partner. Families still exist where man returns to play with his children while the woman prepares meals. Its not impossible - I am a very practical member of such a family.

The secret is, put down your foot and say - this is how much you are going to get. If you have a man who leaves the house after eating the breakfast you prepared, carries home-made lunch box and returns to have next meal at home, everything is possible. Eating habits are the beginning to err from a healthy lifestyle. Anything that starts from here shall be blamed on both - not the either or the world.
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Malcom Lewis, Mangalore/DubaiWednesday, February 19, 2014
Great article Sir very true. Had a father, I had a different opinion. Good and Bad. Being a father, I realize. Nowadays kids are more closer to father than mother. God bless all parents and Children. God Bless all.
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