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Humour: Sachin to Play Again
By Richie John Pais

November 30, 2013

Sachin Tendulkar who retired recently from all forms of cricket amid tears from his fans will be recalled very soon. His fans will be able to see him play again forever or as long as Sachin is alive, whichever is earlier.

The Indian parliament which makes and breaks the laws of India called an emergency meeting and discussed this matter of national importance. The meeting lasted only for a few minutes without any walk out or usual fights with a unanimous decision to call Sachin back. There was absolutely no opposition from the opposition parties. This was one of the fastest decisions taken in Indian parliament to date.

The decision taken was conveyed in a rare parliamentary statement which read “As Sachin Tendulkar is a Bharat Ratna and proud son of India and so called God of Cricket and as also his wife said cricket can live without Sachin but Sachin cannot live without cricket, the Indian parliament took it as a national problem which needed to be addressed urgently. The Indian Government indeed took it as a matter of urgency as it showed urgency in announcing Sachin’s name for the highest civilian award Bharat Ratna. If Sachin cannot live without cricket, how can the cricket fans live without him? And if anything happens to him or to his millions of fans without him playing cricket, it will be matter of shame for India internationally. When our neighbours are waiting for us to commit mistakes of this kind, it will be an embarrassing moment for us if Sachin does not resume his play. Hence we unanimously came to the decision that Sachin should always play. Directives will be sent to BCCI very soon.”

Our reporters have managed to get the comments of prominent people on this issue.

Manmohan Singh, PM: After consultation with the Congress President Madam Sonia Gandhi, I am proud to say that Sachin should be allowed to play as we always belonged to the non aligned countries group. Any alignment with retirement in cricket will harm cricket as well as the national fabric. All cricketers should be allowed to play as long as they can hold the bat in hand as the Indian system allowed politicians to work till they are sane, no matter what the age. All law abiding Indians should think over this and come to a national consensus.

P Chidambaram, Finance Minister: Sachin is an example and brand ambassador of prosperity of our country. He has accumulated wealth worth Rs 1000 crores in 24 years which is equivalent to Rs 41.67 crores per annum. If you divide his wealth by number of his 34,357 international runs scored, the amount comes to Rs 2,91,061.50 per run. These figures show how much a person can achieve in life. This also shows about the opportunities India is offering to its citizens. People should stop criticizing the policies of the government and should look at brighter sides of economy.

Raghuram Rajan, the Governor, Reserve Bank of India: I watched his last match at Wankhede stadium, while I was supposed to be busy at my office watching the Sensex and our currency moving down and down. I have made it very clear recently that my performance should not be linked to the Sensex. If Sachin plays again, the Sensex will have some sense without sex. I request the corporate world to consider Sachin’s performance which mostly has an upward journey as a barometer and link it to the Sensex.

Narendra Modi, Prime Ministerial aspirant: I like that guy. I myself have not played much cricket in life as I always had other priorities. The only match I must have played was in Godhra where I reached 2000 in a matter of days. They call Sachin a God, but did this Congress government build any temple for him? Sachin should play as long as he wants and we will build a temple for him as soon as possible but only after the next general election.

Jayalalitha, Chief Minister Tamil Nadu: Sachin should play since he is younger than Karunanidhi. In fact as a balancing act one more retired player should be allowed to play again. Ideally he should be a Tamilian.

M K Stalin, Leader, DMK: We are open for the idea as long as Sachin does not play in Sri Lanka. I demand that Sri Lankans should not be allowed to play in India. When Sachin plays in Tamil Nadu we will give him a grand welcome if DMK comes to power. Jayalalitha has insulted Tamilians by running the government like a dictator.

Raj Thackeray, Maharashtra Navnirman Sena: We welcome the decision as Sachin is a Maharashtrian.

Deve Gowda, Former Prime Minister: My older son Revanna is busy in managing milk federation in Karnataka. If my younger son Kumaraswamy who is jobless right now can become the BCCI Chief, I am ready to accept Sachin playing for India. As a father of one ex CM, another CM, PM aspirant, myself ex CM as well ex PM, I should have a say in this matter. A strong person should take over the reins of BCCI so that all the players and administrators can always score well.

Subramanian Swamy: I support Sachin. In fact I wanted to go to the Supreme Court against BCCI when they allowed him to retire. I am also a lone crusader like Sachin in some respects, the difference being he fights his battles on the ground while I fight them in court of law.

Amitabh Bachchan, Actor: He is a crorepati of cricket. Every crorepati be it from cricket or film or from politics should be given a chance to remain crorepati forever. Kaun rahega crorepati is also as important as kaun banega crorepati.

Shah Rukh Khan, Actor: I am for it. I like it. I like cri cri cri cricket…and sach sach sachy Sachin.. he he he.

Mamata Banerjee, CM, West Bangal: Bengal tiger Saurav Ganguli should also be brought back as he was the partner to Sachinda in cricket for years. Two dadas can make a better team.

Rahul Gandhi, Congress Leader: Sachin is a youth icon like me. I went to watch his last match. Youth, the future of India should support the youth and vote for the youth.

Salman Khurshid, Foreign Affairs Minister: Yes. Sachin should play. At the same time instead of playing cricket only with a few countries like Australia, Pakistan, West Indies, South Africa and England, India should play more matches with Bangladesh, Kenya, Zimbabwe and Netherlands. Also we should ask Ethiopia, Thailand, Germany, Myanmar and if possible all the countries of the world to play with India so that all Indian players can hit centuries. More records can also be broken by this. I will ask all these countries to cooperate. It is going to be our diplomatic mission.

Mukesh Ambani, Industrialist: We were worried that since Sachin does not play, brand value of our franchise would be affected. In turn it could have affected the stock markets and in short the whole economy. In economical economic point of view if Sachin plays again, economies of scale as in production of goods can be achieved.

Yogi Swami Shobhan Sarkar: I had dreamt a few weeks back that 1000 tonnes of gold were buried under the ruins of a palace. They failed to find it as they only scratched on top instead of digging deeper. I had a dream last night as well. It says if Sachin’s fans are left to cry even for a few weeks, the tears shed will flow as multiple rivers and will create floods. So I ask the Government to take the matter seriously and allow Sachin to play so that floods can be avoided.

Mulayam Singh Yadhav, Samajwadi Party: Good idea. But more chances should be given to Yadav OBC and Muslim players to create equal opportunities for the downtrodden.

Lata Mangeshkar, Singer: I like him as much I like Narendra Modi. I was one of the first who said Bharat Ratna should be conferred on him. Nobody should retire in life. Did I retire despite complaints that my voice is cracking? Do we need newcomers in any field? If they do not listen to my ideas, I will migrate to Dubai.

Deepika Padukone, Actress: He should play again. Then he should act in films as well. I also come from a sports family. But I acted in films. I am tired of Ranvir and Ranbeer. I feel like acting with Sachin. I promise his wife Anjali that I will not fall in love with him the way I did with other heroes.

Navjoth Singh Sidhu, Ex Cricketer: Balle… balle…lovely yaar. Let all players from Mohinder to Ganguly come… So that Shastri, Srikanth and myself will also get a chance. I feel like singing and dancing. I want to say a shayari on that. But I do not remember any because I have already said many. Anyway balle..balle.. lovely yaar.


Though all the people who opined on Sachin’s comeback had their own hidden agendas in their words, It was interesting to note that nobody could speak against Sachin as all knew they would do so at their own peril. May be that is why they call him God.

When none is against his coming back, Sachin should come back and play again. Just Wait.


This is a humour article. All views expressed here are solely those of the author.


 

Richie Pais Archives:

 

 

 

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Comments on this article
John DSouza, MangaloreFriday, December 06, 2013
Single person played well and got excellent success.
Billions of hours are lost by millions of audiences by watching and talking.
Comment on this message     

Henry Dmello, Urwa/SharjahWednesday, December 04, 2013
Excellent narration with beautiful stories exposing the minds of politicians cricketers and film actors. sachin is only excus here. writer as usual hits hard and nails down without prejudice. one of the best writers from mangalore in english and konkani. let us have a column
Comment on this message     

Agnello, Mangalore/MuscatTuesday, December 03, 2013
Ha ha ha. I too want Sachin to play again. I want to laugh again Ha ha.
Comment on this message     

Gerry D'Mello, Bendur / CanadaTuesday, December 03, 2013
Hi Richie, thanks for your humor rich article. Keep-up your great writing skills!
Comment on this message     

Donald Roche, Mangalore/Ruzai.Sunday, December 01, 2013
I prefer to laugh. It ( Paisamas humour) relieves frustration and tension. Thank you Richie Pais.
Comment on this message     

Ramakrishna. K. , MangaloreSunday, December 01, 2013
Nice Humorous article Pais.
But you have forgotten to add the opinion of Income Tax Authorities and Customs dept.
Also the views of Sharad Pawar, Lalu Prasad, N Srinivasan should have been included.
Comment on this message     

Naganna, MangaloreSunday, December 01, 2013
A good humorous article which I enjoyed reading.
Comment on this message     

smiley, indiaSunday, December 01, 2013
Please correct the mamata banerjee line. It should be : please allow sachin to play again. And if he is not, it is totally CPIM's fault. And for those who are opposing this are Maoists.
Comment on this message     

lynette dsouza, mangaloreSunday, December 01, 2013
Enjoyed reading it,very interesting !!
Comment on this message     

Pius Pinto, Damaskatte/DubaiSaturday, November 30, 2013
Very interesting indeed!! wittingly humorous!! Great work. I enjoyed it. We need more from you!!
Comment on this message     

CGS, MangaloreSaturday, November 30, 2013
It's RJP's sixer again! Good luck Paisa mam!
Comment on this message     

geoffery, hat hillSaturday, November 30, 2013
Imaginative humor par excellence.
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