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An Eternal Saga...
By Prithvi Monteiro

October 4, 2013

 

An Eternal Saga...

     

 
I hope you too would hope

To find light

And try hard to cope

In darkness bright

 

When you are walking alone

And feel terribly cold

Remember there is a morn

Till then, my hand you may hold

 

The path I accompany you

Depends on your choice

The way I treat you

Depends on your poise

 

Donít pack up

If you fall on a scorching day

Instead stand up

ďWhere there is a will there is a way.Ē

 

In the day, you can see

The whole world you can fight

But when you canít see

I could be your moonlight

 

My bright light shines upon you

My strength I would shower

If and only if you are true

And have the will power

 

Great men are great dreamers

Who believe in this virtuality

The world also needs doers

Who turn dreams into reality

 

As I hold your hand and reach destination

And see you win the nation

Due to your determination

My heart rejoices for your creation

 

But thatís not it

Thereís a road ahead

Never look back and sit

Set a higher goal instead

 

Success is a struggle so eternal

Not to break otherís cords

But itís a life long struggle

To break oneís own records

 

Now I have to leave

And help myself

Donít fear, just believe

Only in yourself

 

To say goodbye doesnít feel nice

Without you itís hard to cope

But we may meet in paradise

I hope you too would hope.


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Comments on this article
Neomi , DubaiTuesday, October 08, 2013
Considering poetry to be one of your passions is always a good thing so good on you for that. Here follows my critique on your poem
- ambitious title whose degree is not matched by poem.
- rhyme scheme and choice of stanzas (quartrains) feels rather uninspired
- 'I hope you too would hope' in first line is not followed by supporting ideas. What exactly are you hoping for? That the addressed may hope to be happy? I've got news for you - they probably do! Did you know that all people wish to be happy? Why, is the addressed depressed? I struggle to see the sense in it.
- conflicting ideas that make me resent the persona. First she/he pledges to hold addressed's hand, stand by them and then asks them to prove themself?? Not the definition of love if you ask me.
- 'Where there is a will there is a way.' I'm sorry but this is such a clichť I cannot even. I felt this way even at the age of 8.
- Wrong use of the word virtuality. It means virtual reality in the Computer Science sense.
- Again, some ideas explored were frankly, very unentertaining.
- Imagery is disappointing in the few attempts.
- 'Not to break other's cords' Wow I'm really not liking a persona whose idea of success involves breaking other people down???

Please do not just put in lines because they rhyme!! I can sense this with your poem and it does not bide well! The poem felt rather bland. I don't think it means much to you. Explore your emotions more, lay it out and keep trying.
Comment on this message     

Rohan Lawrence Sequeira, Bejai MangaloreSunday, October 06, 2013
Good Poem.

Get excellence in writing more such poems.
Comment on this message     

Mrs Juliana D'Costa, Aberdeen, UKSunday, October 06, 2013
Hi Prithvi, Congratulations. Your poetic skills are really blossoming. Enjoyed reading this poem , liked the smooth flow and message. keep writing. Love from all of us . Julie.
Comment on this message     

Harry H Dsouza, urwa . qatarSunday, October 06, 2013
nice poem prithu keep it up we wish to see more of it keep up the good work with a good message . lots of love from harry uncle Lydia aunty brother brian sister Bettina and brother in law christopher
Comment on this message     

Rev Fr Ferdinand Gonsalves, Milagres Cathedral, KallianpurSaturday, October 05, 2013
Hi Prithvi
Congratulations for your excellent ETERNAL SAGA....
Compose more poems with different themes but always with a message.

Love,
Fr.Ferdinand Gonsalves.
Principal.
Milagres P U College
Kallianpur.
Comment on this message     

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