August 31, 2013
Dear Mr President,
Sub: Request for issuance of American Visa for Narendra Modi
Hope you are keeping well. You have never seen me. But I know you very well as I have met you many times in my India made American dreams and I have also seen you hundreds of times on television.
Writers in India seldom write letters to the Presidents as they are always busy sending texts to their girlfriends. I am an exception like my good friend Aravind Adiga. Some years back, this Adiga wrote a letter to the Chinese premier Wen Jiabao. The postman could not read the address which was written in Chinese. So it was delivered to a publisher by mistake. The letter was very long and the publisher could only publish it as a novel. The novel won a Booker prize. I do not want any prize for this letter. I hate prizes and awards as I have won none so far.
This letter is not long, but short. It is also as sweet as you. I know you are a busy man unlike most of the politicians in India. So let me come to the point directly without beating around the bush. (The word ‘bush’ should not be confused with your predecessor George Bush).
I have read a lot regarding the USA visa problem for Narendra Modi. You refused to grant him visa long back. And fearing you would reconsider your decision soon, some politicians from India wrote you a letter requesting not to grant Modi a visa. It has appeared in the media that the said letter has been re-sent to you recently. In India letters do not reach the destination unless they are sent five to six times. Even then, only one of them reaches the addressee. Our politicians may have felt that the letter did not reach you. And hence they decided to resend it. Now before they send it again, you should tell them through your Ambassador in New Delhi that you have received that letter.
Let me not talk much about the controversies surrounding that letter. Some are saying can the Indian politicians talk about the USA visa when it is totally the internal matter of the USA. They say nobody can influence your decision to grant visa to any person. While it looks logical there is no point in that. Politicians always poke their noses in the internal matters of other countries. Did not America do it in Vietnam, Iraq and…(Let me not mention all the names as the list is big) and did not India do it in Bangladesh and Sri Lanka? So the attitude of these politicians is in line with international practice. What I mean to say is writing a letter per se is not wrong. But their intention was undoubtedly wrong. Hence their request is not justified. That is why I am writing this letter to you. My request is completely opposite to their request. I beg you to grant visa to Narendra Modi. Let me give you the reasons.
Now why these people do not want Modi to go to the USA? It is pure jealousy. They are really jealous of him because they know that in a land of opportunities, he will prosper. I will talk about it later.
You know these people are saying that Modi is a villain and an architect of a massacre. So he should not visit the USA and harm you people. Looks like a genuine concern. Then why do they want the bad person to remain in India? Why are they more concerned about the USA than their own country? And why have they failed to book and prosecute him for all these years? Do they not have enough penal codes here to book a case against him while even the smallest offender is slapped with minimum ten counts once he is taken to the police station? Why they cannot punish Modi, if they are sure that he has done wrong? Why are they telling you not to allow him there?
These people cannot stop him from travelling to any part of India. He freely moves from Ahmedabad to New Delhi, Mumbai and Mangalore. And why do they now not want him to travel from Washington to Philadelphia, Houston and California? Is it their territory? Is it not pure jealousy? But there is a bigger jealousy here which you will read about later.
Did you ever ask Modi why he wants to visit the USA? What business he has there while he can do every business by using the tele conference facility? Why does he want to visit your country physically? Let me tell you the fact which has been kept a secret. You too please keep it secret until the ‘needful’ is done.
Modi’s astrologer has told him that if he goes to Hollywood, he has all the luck on earth to be a very successful villain in Hollywood blockbusters. Luck apart, he has fantastic acting capabilities too. So this Modi wants to come there secretly to get roles in Hollywood movies. And if his opponents come to know about his dream, they will not hesitate to write letters to all the Hollywood producers.
Mr President, let Modi the great actor come to your great nation and show the world how versatile he is in acting. He will win an Academy award for his debut film. The type of the award will have to change of course to ‘Most innocent looking brutal actor’. Let him remain there and become an acclaimed actor. India does not recognise talents. Let Hollywood make a film called “Massacre Maniac”. Let Modi as a villain administer slaughtering of 2000 people in the film as if he is in a chicken farm. You then look at his expression. He will look serene as if nothing has happened. Can other villains put up a ‘brave face’ of this kind? He is not terrified by terror. He can enact horror as if it is humour.
While he is not busy working in films you can avail his ‘other’ services too. You can send him to other countries as chief of mission when you want dispatch your ‘peace’ keeping force for ‘saving’ a nation. He is excellent in that.
Please give Modi your nationality and let him stay there forever and ever. I promise you he will not create any blunders there as it is not India.
Mr President, stop these politicians from writing any more letters to anybody in the USA. They may even write a letter to NASA, asking them not to send Modi to Mars. Why do not these politicians mind their own business of amassing wealth and fixing matches? Why these people want to be writers?
Thank you Mr President.
Yours faithfully, (only if you allow Modi to come there)
Note: You can send this letter for forensic test to verify the authenticity.
This is a humour article. All views expressed here are solely those of the author.
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