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Loneliness: The Dark Reality - 1
By Oliver Sutari

October 16, 2012


"Honour your father and mother, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." ~Holy Bible. In this article, which contains several real-life examples, we will see what the human race faces, if we continue to remain indifferent to this commandment.

An elderly couple’s two children have settled abroad and show no sign of ever settling back. Both seniors are aware that one day they will be confined to the four walls of their big house, and later one of them may have to go through one of life’s darkest, and sometimes longest, tunnels: loneliness.

To cope with this dark truth, they have booked a one-bedroom unit which will one day become their home, and there – they said – they will count their final days. If children are not ready to take care of their old, fragile parents, there are entrepreneurs who will. The place they have booked has a range of facilities and services, and is growing business today.

In stark contrast, an old woman, who was born in poverty and married into poverty, also died in poverty. Her house resembles a cowshed, while her three sons live in their respective villas. Till her last day, she used the bushes as her toilet because the outdoor toilet of her house had collapsed years ago. Her sons’ villas have empty rooms that echo the empty beating of their hearts. None of them spent a rupee to repair the home of their birth; each wanted the other to take care of her expenses. However, showing false sincerity, they commemorated her death anniversary separately in grand style.

More and more of our elders face the grim prospect of overcoming life’s challenges on their own – whether they are physically fit, or financially sufficient, to endure it is of little concern to their “loving” children.

Some elders, as long as they are useful – are shuttled between foreign countries and their native places every once in few months because of visa constraints. In many cases, this is more of an arrangement of convenience because there are grandchildren to look after.

An elderly woman, who manages to look after herself despite knees that are growing weaker with each passing day, told me that her son wants her to stay with him and his children in Canada six months of a year. It was painful enough, she said, to raise six children almost single-handedly because of an alcoholic husband. She would rather die, she said, in a place where she has spent all her life, than in a place that will confine her, with no neighbours to interact with. And, “where are my other children?”, she ponders with drooping shoulders. All we look for is “sangath” (companionship), she bemoaned, but it is something our children simply cannot see.

This is what another elderly woman has to say: “My children fail to understand that people of my age are not interested in the glitter of the Gulf. All our souls long for is inner peace. I hope they realize that some day that is what their souls will also seek.”

Not all may have a choice to refuse; while others may have a choice, but give in to emotional blackmail.

In the equation of “wholesome” living, social interaction plays a very vital role in any individual’s wellbeing. Benjamin Disraeli once said, “We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence and its only end.” If this is true, then nothing can be truer than the words of Mother Teresa, who said: “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” The poverty she talked about comes in all or any of the three forms: mental, emotional and spiritual.

Not all lonely people live solitary lives. There are young married people who live with their parents, perhaps out of a sense of duty, or perhaps because they cannot afford to move out. With both the son and his wife working, and a paucity of quality time even for each other, parents can only be left yearning.

Then there are homes, and there are plenty of them where - because of past hurts – unforgiving children don’t even talk to their parents. While both types of elderly victims suffer, I don’t know what is worse: to be left to live all alone in a far away home, or to be with their own children and made to feel unwanted day after day – some enduring years of sarcastic remarks.

So shocked was a priest in Mumbai after his visit to several homes in my earlier parish, that he thundered from the pulpit the following words: “Don’t give to the church, don’t give to well-known charities so that your name will be announced during their annual dinners; please take your ailing parents to the doctors, please spend some time with them. God is not impressed with your outward charities when your own parents hunger for love. Charity begins at home.”

Lord Jesus Christ reminds us: “Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’” ~Mathew 9:13

Several years ago, Europe was swept by a heat wave and thousands of people died. France alone lost 14,000 of their population and among the dead were mostly the old and infirm. Many social workers believe that this figure would be far lower, if the victims had someone to take care of them. Sadly, a majority had no one by their side – they died alone. Even a sponge bath, and a rehydrating solution to drink, every few hours would have helped.

It is not always the sons who leave homes on their own. Parents at times are responsible. It happens in homes where elders are demanding and cleave to their married sons till there is a pressure built up all around. In such situations, if the son does not move out, he risks losing his wife.

Gone are the days when, feeling a sense of belonging, married sons lived with their parents and patiently served parents, and daughters-in-law did not say much. Today, typically, a married son wants to have an independent place to live in. There is nothing wrong in leaving peacefully and honourably, but what if he cannot afford an independent housing? In one case that I know, the solution was to beat the father everyday till he “gifted” the flat to his son. It is anyone’s guess where the father landed after that.

People with “respectable” standing in society can equally be heartless towards their parents. One such person put his old mother in a low-quality home-for-destitutes. Typically, he would explain, that his mother could not adjust with his wife and children. This is the pathetic irony of our times. The young and educated want the old and illiterate to make adjustments. I wonder how many elders can endure the constant nagging of a daughter-in-law. This is a ploy that is used to drive away the old because they are looked upon as a burden. I had met this woman a few times and I salute her spirit because of what she once told me: “I don’t have anything, but I atleast have my self-respect and dignity.” And she died taking both with her.

There is another form of loneliness - one that is either deliberately or unsuspectingly self-inflicted. There could be many reasons for it. People who have worked in the Gulf, made a lot of money, and retire early, promptly come to my mind. Having spent many years away from their family, they rigidly believe that they deserve some well-earned rest and if there is a sacrifice to me made, someone else in the house will have to make it.

They don’t want to take up anything for the society or a cause because they have a cynical view of the entire world. They don’t have a hobby that they can pursue. Reading newspapers, not newspaper, takes precedence over spending quality time with the family. The kind of news that is printed today only deepens their depressing view of the world. They know exactly what each politician has done, but have no knowledge of what their children are up to. They want everything to be in order at home, but refuse to play any part in it.

Having alcoholic drinks in the evenings is their definition of relaxation. A few weeks or months into it and they begin to get bored, uneasy and overbearing. As they get more and more estranged from family members, almost anything they say is met with resistance. They want others to understand them and not the other way. Out of aggression, or self-pity, they drink more; and, very soon there is nothing but turmoil in the family. So many women have wished that their husbands had not returned at all.

Not wanting to take the entire load, there are sons who take turns to bring an ailing parent home. It is a solution that does not provide any emotional comfort to the parent. In times like this, it means a lot to the sufferer even if one son is willing to take full responsibility. Even if one of the sons has no problem, there is a good chance that his wife will remind him that he has other brothers who should share the responsibility (read: burden).

In the wild, it is a matter of routine for the old and the infirm to get culled by nature’s carnivorous agents, while the victim’s young remain mere spectators. Is the human race regressing towards a level where the human heart will one day become devoid of emotions? This is a terrifying possibility as more and more parents heartlessly get thrown out of the very homes, by the very children they sacrificed their lives for.

Young professionals say that they don’t want to make the same mistake their parents did. And, pray, what mistake did their parents commit? They did not save for themselves. Isn’t that something a son should appreciate? No wonder today’s young are so engrossed in fruitlessly accumulating money for a life time of security. If that is not selfish enough, here is another lot who believe that “our parents made the mistake of not enjoying themselves, and now they don’t want us to enjoy.” Well, because of their sacrifices, you are now a doctor, or an engineer, or a successful businessman.

The question today’s youngsters need to ask is: will all their money buy them love and kinship?

Back in the old days, one could see up to a dozen children in some families. The elders always had someone to look after them, even if most kids moved out to pursue their careers.

With most couples opting for just one child in the present times, a solitary future seems certain. Parents dutifully motivate their single child to make it big in life, but later begin to wonder why children are so cold-hearted and selfish. It would be wrong on the parents’ part to demand anything in return from their children. Love loses its nobleness when it becomes conditional. Gratitude that comes willingly towards parents has a sweetness of its own.

Not able to share their feelings, and ventilate their pain, the lonely face mental, emotional and physical agony. Possibly the most poignant question that the new generation faces is: What will be their fate? But, I wonder if they care.

Lord Jesus Christ said, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." ~Luke 6:38. Contained in it is an instruction, a promise, and - above all – a universal law. Because it is a law, there is no way around it.

No matter how much we pray, and no matter how deep our faith is, we cannot reap mangoes, if we have planted a jackfruit sapling. We are unable to see the truth in this law. Many today want to reap a lot of happiness and a lot of peace; but, few are willing to sow its seeds.

The solution to the problems that elders face cannot be generalized because each family has their own issues, and sometimes there are genuine constraints. Where there are genuine constraints, parents suffer less anguish. In most cases, there are solutions, but children are blinded by greed and selfishness. True love always finds a way.

However, as soon as their children have moved out – if not sooner – parents should become socially active while they are still able to. The depression from loneliness alone can cause other health problems. For Christians getting involved is quite easy as churches have several activities and groups that are run under their auspices. And, today there are many who are in need of a hug, a listening ear. Even the few moments one elder spends with another sick and lonely elder brings the feeling of solidarity beyond measure – to both – because there is a law of “give and receive” that immediately goes to work. When we begin to share in someone else’s pain, our own pain is alleviated.

It is absolutely critical to remain forgiving of children who show little or no concern. Our souls cannot carry the burden of unforgiveness and hurtfulness. More and more ailments are now linked to these two spiritual poisons. At the same time, elders should not allow their children to emotionally blackmail them, even when they act like cry babies. I know this is easier said than done, but I firmly believe elders should realize that if their sons and daughters are grown enough to move out, have children of their own, then they are grown enough to look after themselves.

Those who receive love, respect and gratitude in their twilight years are truly blessed; and so are their children. For many, all they have are their memories and a few neighbours who share the same bleak future.

Is loneliness less dreadful for some while more dreadful for others? The answer lies in what Mother Teresa said: “Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.” It is a grim reminder that there are many things that are beyond the grasp of money.

 

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Comments on this article
Anna, M'loreMonday, August 12, 2013
Read ur article very inspiring, would like to mention another category of people who have lived in the Gulf they have sufficient money so they wish to be independent throughout their life prefer keeping their children in the hostel so that their life is of lesser commitments. When their children grow and get married and have children if we call them to stay they say they cannot handle the grand children because they are getting old and would prefer to be left alone. Because of their money power and ego they prefer to stay in the old age homes then with their children adding on the lady of the house prefers to be gender bais throughout her life loving the Son more than the daughter and even in her last days prefers the son to the daughter, where as all the daughters need is love and lots and lots of love but due to money power the generation which has worked only in the office feel that doing house work is below their dignity so they come home only if there is a maid. As you see Sir at times the children too are helpless as these people feel they have money and even in their old age they feel they don't wish to be a burden hence the solution Old age home.
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jeevan mario mudarth, mangalore/doha qatarMonday, December 24, 2012
Hello and merry CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and your family. i read the article as it was nearing this festive time and me being alone without family and was happy in ways i cant really express right now but thats the beauty of life and we have to accept things as it is even though we really dont wish so .thanks for writing keep writing some more topics which are of this or other which we mangaloreans and others can digest and understand.all the best.
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Francis Lobo, Moodubelle / EdmontonThursday, November 01, 2012
Very good article and a fact which we all know but we just forget the importance of it. The world is offering us competitiveness and challenges, and as we struggle to overcome these, we ourselves become a victim to reality. We do not have time to spend with our children, or to have a dinner together as a family. Still, reading these article I will surely attempt to be with my parents and of course to my in-laws. We can create a perfect example for our children to follow. Thank You Mr Oliver.
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stanley, ManipalWednesday, October 31, 2012
I wish this article makes every children to take responsibility of their parents. Good Article.
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Vivek, UdupiMonday, October 29, 2012
Believe it or not, even after reading this great article there are many of us pointing fingers at others.
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Dr Urban D'Souza, Udyavar/MalaysiaTuesday, October 23, 2012
From his childhood only he had to face many up & downs in the family. Without any second thought, he faced and uted all the responsibilities. He always used to say "My sons, Anantha, Anand and my younger brothers sons Nagendra, Subraya, Sudheera, Venkatesha, all including a big united family is ours. I got the elphant strength in buisness because of all of them" Late B Ganapathi Pai (Bharath Beedies, translated from Udyavanai Oct 11,2012) What a wonderful soul who ascended very high in society had such great value for his family. In our culture, specially the Catholics of Mangalore, time has changed to such an extent that, instead of girl marrying and joining husband family, the boy marries and comes as a daughter in law of the family. Majority of boys kick their parents house and join his in laws in every aspect. It is a big shame to the boys of present days. It is not only the wife, but rather in laws pull their son in law into their custody if the son in law is wealthy. When a boy has that tendency, how his family shall have existence. Culturally or socially, it the boy/son who is responsible to carry forward his parents name and fame. It is such a shame that time has changed and our husbands are puppets in the hands of in laws. As Mr Bhandarkar expressed, we clebrate the inauguration of oldage home especially old age homes are flourishing among Catholics, because our religious also need to earn money and our abandoned parents need a shelter right!
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R.Bhandarkar., MTuesday, October 23, 2012
Read this only today and was shocked at it's 'Complete Preciseness'. Though this has been commented upon only by a certain section of Daiji readers let me who has known about relations the 'bitter' way life long, say that this 'disease' is Universal. In some 'communities' believe me 'Old Age' homes are inaugurated with such pomp that it leaves one wondering as to what it is that they are celebrating! No point blaming DIL', MIL's etc.... The day the Joint Family System(JFS) started
crumbling then seeds for these types of 'disaster' were sown. A nuclear family can never teach anyone'family' values for sure and it is into this abyss everything is falling. This in due course is to swallow everything -mark my words. It is only when writers like Oliver pens an article like this or a Baagbhan film is made somebody amongst us wakes up to make a comment or try to find some reason to right the serious fault he has committed.. This is not going to help... Read the sayings of Jesus again and again...and pray not just the words...get the meaning in them to penetrate your hearts...Maybe that would help everybody-
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Eva, KiremTuesday, October 23, 2012
Nice article, an eye opener for many.
I read all comments and felt like adding my own too. As we all know generation gap always remains, however the older and younger generation is understanding. Usually son and daughter in law is empowering parents in their oldage because of their active earnings and still young with full of good health and energy. Now here old parents are without any incoming flow of money and most of them are in need of medical care. Now tell me who should understand who? Who should get adjusted to who? As in my family the new generation had to understand and get adjusted to the old generation (as commanded by our husbands). In any cost we daughter in laws were not allowed to answer back and hurt our husband's parents. Even if they hurt the new generation, by giving them love, we can bring scenario of happiness because very soon the young generation is going to reach there.
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J Rebello, DohaMonday, October 22, 2012
We salute you sir for writing such a beautiful and very touching article, giving lots of examples about what is happening around us today and reminding us about our duties towards our parents and elders. Thank you dear Oliver. May Almighty God bless you.
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Rico, Sunday, October 21, 2012
This happens only in India and why is the biggest question? may be we should try the other way round the husbands should be married off to wifes house then may be things would be fine and one more what if one has only daughters.
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Frederick Pinto, Mumbai/QatarSaturday, October 20, 2012
On reading this article,I am reminded of hundreds of Catholic families where these type of instances are a daily occurence.
During my trips to Mangalore,I have visited my relatives homes, where I have seen their sick & old surviving parent living in a separate shed,or room,bereft of any love or care,whereas the son & his family are living a life of luxury & comfort.
There is no doubt,that the new generation is a selfish lot & all they care for is their wife & kid's wellbeing & what benefits they can get from their parents. My feeling is that it depends on the daughter in law of the house to make or break a family, provided the in laws are good. The son,in a majority of cases is a silent spectator,a coward,unwilling to assert himself,on seeing his parents being mistreated.
Finally,if this article is able to prick our conscience & reform a few black sheep amongst us,it will be a blessing for the parents who are suffering daily from their children's misdeeds.
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Lavina Mathias, UdupiFriday, October 19, 2012
Nice article & good to read about how to take care of the parent in thier old age
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Wilfred Rego, Siddakatte / OmanFriday, October 19, 2012
Thank you Mr. Oliver Sutari to enlightening and reminding the readers about duties towards our aging and ailing parents. It is realistic that many of rich and middle class people neglect their parents and after death they celebrate by having grand months mind or anniversery mass. Anyway no one can escape from old age because one day we wil also reach that stage. Good and very thoughtful article.
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Nisha D'Souza, BangaloreFriday, October 19, 2012
Good article,apt in the present scenario! It's a very delicate issue. The children cannot be deprived of their career prospects and the parents cannot shift to other places to live with their children with the fear of being uprooted.There needs a via-media solution for this. Further, as regards the negligent attitude of children towards their parents, it is the need of the hour that parental care is to be stressed in the family, schools as also in the homilies in church. Let us not forget that the hard life & sacrifices of our parents have brought us to this elated position.Let us show our gratitude atleast by taking care of them & making them happy.
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Mrs. D'Souza, MangaloreThursday, October 18, 2012
Thank you Dr. Urban D'Souza for your understanding and empathy. Two lessons to take away: A married man should always remember the commandment: HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER and as the Bible says give comfort in their old days. The son who neglects his parents (because his wife dictates him to do so) commits a grave sin. However, he should also remember that he is bound by THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY to his wife. When his parents treat his wife inhumanly with abusive words, insults and make false accusations on daily basis, he is bound by God's law to take up for what is right. I am proud to say that my husband did exactly that. After 13 years of endurance and constant prayer my in laws finally asked for forgiveness. As a daughter first (in memory of my own parents) and as a daughter in law, I will do everything in my capacity to bring comfort and peace in their last years of life.
Christ has shed his blood on the cross for ALL OF US. He said he loved ALL of us, not just one particular generation of people. It is my sincere belief that a mother/father in law who treat their daughter in law lovingly command a great deal of respect and secure a peaceful future for themselves.
My husband and I are parents to both genders. We do not become superior human beings because we are "boy's parents" nor do we have any authority/power to mistreat our daughter in laws. We are obligated to love and respect them as I would expect my daughter to be treated.
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Agnello, Mangalore/MuscatThursday, October 18, 2012
Thanks Oliver for taking on a relevant topic. You have brought out very significant examples to make your point but there is always two sides to coin. One when you step in the shoes the old parents and one when you step in the shoes of the children whose point of views have a lesser representation in this first part of the article. The truth actually is in between.
Let me tell you my simple rule however shocking it might seem, my foremost duty is not to my parents but to my children. I brought my children in this world they never had any part in the decision.So whatever comes, however they may grow, wherever they may go and whoever they become I am in duty bound to them to whatever extent I can.
The luckiest thing for me is my parents, they are in perfect agreement with me on this and every time I leave home to get back to Muscat I feel frightened that this might be the last time we see each other. But this rule we agree upon we make ourselves hard not to cry when we say goodbyes.
I have every intention of passing on this rule to my children
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Francis X V Passanha, ManipalThursday, October 18, 2012
Thoughtfully written article. Bitter truth brought out. Its' sure to prick many a conscience. There is no point in blaming a MIL or a DIL. If every offspring were to take their duty towards their parents seriously, without getting swayed by the spouse or drudgery of daily life, this world would indeed be a better place to live in. Thereafter one can look forward to old age with greater peace and satisfaction, devoid of misery. Look forward to more articles from you Mr. Oliver. Keep it up!
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CLARA HELEN, OMAN, MANGALOREThursday, October 18, 2012
Well written, reality of life! We don't realise it until the parents r living, we take them for granted! I did d same for my mother!
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A. S. Matehw, U.S.A.Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Very well written article with deeper spiritual implication in it.
When we are young and healthy, until reaching 60, we never think about the old age. When we cross the 65 borderline, and getting weaker both mentally and physically, we are opening a new chapter of life and realize the reality about the "brevity" of life then a shadow of loneliness can immediately overlap us. If we don't have our children and some friends to overcome this serious problem, life can be turned very miserable.
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Anil Pinto, Abu Dhabi/MumbaiWednesday, October 17, 2012
Mr. Sutari - you seem to have a deep insight into human behaviour. Your articles touch the core of human nature and causes us to introspect our own behaviour in society. I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and to Daiji for publishing these articles.
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JS, Mangalore/A.GulfWednesday, October 17, 2012
Very soul touching truth narrated bitterly. An eye opener for all ages.

Sorry please read as a very soul touching bitter truth narrated beautifully.
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JS, Mangalore/A. GulfWednesday, October 17, 2012
Very soul touching truth narrated bitterly. An eye opener for all ages.
I simply believe that what goes around comes around. If you take care of your parents/parents in laws when you are young surely you will be taken care of when you are old. I have come across children who are only interested in the parent's property and not them when the parents are old and feeble forgetting that some day they too are going to be in that stage. I remember caring for an old lady and consoling her saying not to worry even her children would grow old some day and realize what they had made their mother undergo in her old age. She retorted saying that her children would not have an old age. And sad to say before her death her two middle aged sons were dead.
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Gordon Lynch, ChennaiWednesday, October 17, 2012
MIL was also a DIL once upon a time!!
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Greory lobo, MangaloreWednesday, October 17, 2012
The root cause of the issue is DILs (daughter in-laws) who do not even have any respect for their MILs (mother in laws) create issues. I suggest that marriage rule is changed. Insted of woman going to man's house the man should go to woman's house after marriage. That way mother still has her daughter at home to look after. In this case the parents will be happy and there will not be abortion cases to terminate the girl childs also. Man should still financially support his parents.
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christine, bendore/kuwaitWednesday, October 17, 2012
nice one, please write more for the new generation.
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Christine, Manipal/KuwaitWednesday, October 17, 2012
Worth reading, motivating article.
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Dr Urban D'Souza, Udyavar/MalaysiaWednesday, October 17, 2012
Very sad fact of Mrs. D'Souza's story, sorry for that. My reflection Mrs. D'Souza is based on the general trend over the change of time. If you you take it personally, sad. Coins have two sides, so also life. Indeed when your parents do not have sons 100% it is dauthers & son in law's responsibility to take care. But in my observation, there are enough families especually among Catholics of Mangalore, wherein even enough sons and daughters when the case of care taking & providing comes their sons are not responsible. Daughters in law should be like home daughters? Their sons also never take care of their parent in laws welfare. But married daughters of house fully take control of parents (along with son in law)(kular) whereas sons are not fitting either in in laws care nor their own parents care (Double standard). As per our culture if the parents have sons it is the sole responsibility of sons to take care as the daughter of house has married to some other family and culturally destined to take her in laws welfare. As I mentioned, it is the changing culture and system because of lalachi and wealth. There are good parent in laws I have witnessed wherein if their son in law favours more to his wife family neglecting his own parents, his own wife's parents guide him not to neglect their son in laws family other side of the coin is that, sons in laws are the sons of the house and sons are outsider. Forgive your in laws, prepare your daughter as a future daughter in law.
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Mrs. D'Souza, MangaloreWednesday, October 17, 2012
Dr. Urban D'Souza: Everything that you mentioned in your story happened to me except that I am NOT man but a Woman and I could not even attend my father's funeral as I was ready to give birth to my own child.
My husbands family is full of CAs and MBAs loaded with academic and money power. My parent in laws are illeterate but had enough MONEY POWER to dictate terms in our marriage. My mother in law mocked my father ailing with cancer. This was 12 years ago. Now she is aging herself and dreads her last days and still I pray for both of them.
My father suffered a great deal in his last days just because he did not have a male child to care for. Our mother had passed away several years ago... I wish people like yourself see both the sides of coin.
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DP, Mangalore/BangaloreWednesday, October 17, 2012
Very nice article. Very well written. Thank you for this one.
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Prasad, Mangalore/W.AfricaTuesday, October 16, 2012
I agree with Vikas,Dubai.Ridhima Rai Mangalore, if wives takes good care of her in laws naturally the men also will do the same. And it is up to us depend on the situation and circumstances and not by comparing others lives and situations with that of us. Its my opinion.
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RidhimaRai, MangaloreTuesday, October 16, 2012
Very touching article.i would disagree with Vikas where he has pointed out about girls being intolerant and it's a mans responsibility.i think it's even a girls responsibility to take care of her parents not only in laws.how many men respect and contribute towards their wives parents.its unfair to think its only a girls responsibility to take care of her inlaws and not her parents.when the government of India has passed a clause that property should be equally divided the men were delighted to accept a fat amount but when it comes to support the same wifes family the attitude changes.anyways I liked this article .just didn't agree with Vikas on what he said.no offence to anyone but it's time both husband and wife take responsibility of their respective parents.
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VIKAS, DUBAITuesday, October 16, 2012
If girls are good, i am sure there is no question arise about parents loneliness.Girls never think of their in laws, and not to forget they also become in laws one day. BY the time they realize its too late nothing other than remembering what they did for their in laws. I am not telling all girls, but most of them. should realize one day that they will also become parents. I wish this article makes every children to take responsibility of their parents, no matter its the duty of all men to take care of their parents.
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Devraj Shetty, Sharjah/MangaloreTuesday, October 16, 2012
Best of all..no words from my end to praise this article. It certainly has made me awake. LORD give me courage and a big heart to take care of my parents...Cheers!!!
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Dr Urban D'Souza, UdyavarTuesday, October 16, 2012

Very touching and a realistic fact of our lives. We neglect our parents to the extreme extent when they are fragile and week! Olden days, the villages were the sole bread winners where fathers little cultivation was the backbone for all his sons survival. Time has changes, wherein the fragile parents have given good education and the son has married a city girl. Son, once married becomes the puppet and asset of his wife's parents (in laws) and he totally forgets his father so called his family. Even if his father dies, he comes straight away to his in laws and from there he just visits for the funeral of his life giver and the same evening he returns to his in laws place.

A son who is supposed to be the torch bearer or the person who is suppose to bring name and fame to his father, becomes a puppet in the hands of future and totally neglects rather he feels inferior to call himself as he hails from his fathers village (eg.in my case Udyavar). It is unnatural though we want modernity, progress, wealth, superiority at the cost of parents. Role of boy (husband) has become girl (wife) and vice versa. This is modern era dear please change yourself with time. Why to bother those old poor, villager parents when your life is wife if not edge of knife be your life. This is a reality in the modern 90% families. Once old parents die, son builds a school in memory of their name.

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christine, mangalore/kuwaitTuesday, October 16, 2012
THANK You Sir, taking time to write wonderful article.God bless you,keep you long life to write more and use you.
lots of writers,educated people,may dotors are there, in daiji, If they also write some like this advising articles than it will help for all, specially we want some advising for growing children youths to avoide life of hell in this evil world.
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Prasad, Mangalore/W.AfricaTuesday, October 16, 2012
Good one Sir, thank you. Please keep writing. God bless you.
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