' Eddie and God






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Eddie and God
By Anil D'Souza, Halealve

March 18, 2012

“God alone knows how many years have passed and I have been listening to people's prayers and answering them. People never change, actually they have grown worse”. God was in a bad mood. He was visibly angry and this made Eddie, who was walking besides him, uneasy.

“My Lord. You yourself are God”. Eddie in a soft voice added ghee into the already kindled fire.

“When did I say no, you unfaithful greedy human” God thundered.

Eddie almost pissed in his pants, but being Eddie he coolly said “You just said “God alone knows” which made me realize you are in a rage”

“Oh sorry son. I know. I have been and still am in a bad mood. I am pissed off with these people now. I wanted to do something bad to them, but long before you were born, I had promised your ancestors that I would never wipe off the human race again”.

“My lord. You need not say sorry and that too to me”.

Eddie and God had a routine. Every Sunday evening they used to walk the beaches of heaven and finally have dinner at the famed restaurant “Gethsemane”. Food was excellent here, especially the spit roasted lamb and the unleavened bread. Eddie always used to get a bottle of wine from “Canaan”.

“Lord, what is making you sad ?” Usually questioning God is something mortals do not dare to do. Eddie was fearless of the solemn and the only real power sitting opposite him ,and on top of it, the purest wine added a little impromptu bravado to Eddie’s personality.

“There are many reasons, Eddie”

“Oh come on lord. You can tell me”. Eddies fear had evaporated now.

“Let us order first. We should not keep the waiters late on a Sunday”. Eddie knew God’s tastes very well. He quickly ordered two portions of spit roasted lamb as a starter. For the main course he ordered Hyderabadi Chicken Biryani and a bowl of cucumber raitha made with fresh yoghurt and freshly whipped cream.

“What is that new dish you ordered? We have never had it before”. God enquired.

“Oh my lord. There was a new Indian soul into heaven last month and I came to know he is an excellent cook. So I asked the kitchen in charge to try him, so that he could cater to the sudden inflow of Indians and Asians into heaven and moreover Indian food is world famous and surprisingly we haven’t got an Indian joint in heaven”

“Good. Let me try this new dish today. Hope it is good or else I shall throw you both into Lucifer’s pan of hot oil”.

“Trust me my Lord. Now tell me what is making you sad”.

“Look Son. I made one earth and put creatures just like me to dwell in it. I gave them everything-food, shelter, thinking ability, speaking ability everything. They have now begun to think like they know everything. ”

“My lord. Aren’t you happy that they have made maximum utilization of the skills you provided and have made their life comfortable”.

“That is the exact reason why I gave them a bigger and better brain, to think and make a living. I am happy about their progress, but they are missing some vital things which they should not have”

“Like what my lord”

“Worshipping me”.

“My lord. We always do. Don’t we? People go to church every day and I am sure there is no single Christian who doesn’t go to church on a Sunday to pray”.

“Yes my son. Everyone prays; there are only a few who worship. It saddens me even more that you haven’t been able to understand the difference between worshipping and praying. All you human beings ask is for jobs, good health, good life partner, more money, more money and more money. Your so called advanced societies have started schools and there is a huge influx of “Pass me in my exams, O God” messages on our dashboard. After these poor kids, who have ruined their childhood learning crap pass out of school I begun receiving “Please get me job God and I will give you my first salary” messages. I give them jobs and never get my first salary. Then I receive messages like “Let my work go well, let my meetings be successful, let my salary be hiked” messages.”

Just then the waiter got the mouth watering lamb and Eddie who was all intent listening to God broke the silence.

“But God. It is all because they love you and ask you for things when they are really are finding life difficult. Who else can they ask for other than their father?”

“That is the reason I grant them too. But the morons never get back and they keep asking for more. After the job, they ask for a good life partner, and then kids, and then financial stability. Even damn CEO’s of companies ask for financial gains. You have all become greedy, Eddie and this saddens me”

With a mouthful of lamb, Eddie nodded in agreement.

“My lord. People need your blessings to keep them in good health, peace of mind and financially good status. You have to listen to them and provide them with those or else they will lose their faith in you”.

“By granting all these, it looks like I have completely forgotten about Africa and some parts of Asia. I have given some people enough resources, capabilities to take care of themselves and also take care of other lesser privileged ones. Western countries are always busy looking for opportunities to show their material might.  I should not have given them resources when they had asked for. Now they have forgotten me. Most of them are proud to call themselves atheists. This also happening in many European nations as well”

“I understand my lord”

“You don’t understand Eddie. People have used me to get their wishes and then left me alone”

“People in Asian countries are praying and worshipping you. So it is compensating .Isn’t it?”

“Once they get their wishes fulfilled, they too will forget me son. It is a process. I have been looking at this since the day I put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. I don’t know how this happened. I am not greedy and it really beats me how my favorite creatures turned out like this.”

“Don’t worry. You enjoy your Sunday my lord” Eddie tried to soothe him. Eddie remembered his grandson’s words during the holy rosary at 8 p.m. He used to say that Sunday is Gods day to take rest and we should not pray and burden him

“My lord. How do you want people to pray?” Eddie would have never dared to ask this, but the pure wine made him ask.

“Huh. You have spent your entire life down there, supposedly followed me and called yourself devout and you ask me this question now, after your death. Isn’t it a good enough reason for me to banish you into eternal darkness Eddie”.

“My Lord. We mortals sin and maybe we are led in a wrong way”

“I am very forgiving and I guess this one behavior of mine has made my children the way they are now. Anyways, I am patient too. Look you need to pray for others, the needy and for people those who have asked to pray. As I said earlier, people have been praying like beggars. Feel the pleasure when you help others. Don’t amass wealth, distribute it. Disparity between rich and poor is like heaven and hell these days. Malnourishment is such a pain in this world and your country is at the head of it. One in three of the world’s malnourished children live in India, whereas there are people in the same country who waste food just like that. Pray for them. Look at Mother Theresa”. Eddie turned back and looked at the beloved Mother who had come to Gethsemane for a takeaway. “This woman literally lived her entire life praying for others. I want devotion like that”. God just waved at his faithful daughter. She waved back, collected her take away and left.

Eddie seemed thoughtful now. “How to do it father”

“Well, I think it will happen when I start saying no to my children’s demands. Let me see. I always say yes, and now I have to say no to a few”

“Don’t do that my lord. People will lose faith in you and will turn into atheism, but if you keep them a little tight and finally grant them their wishes, their faith might actually strengthen”

“I know what to do. Shut up and finish off the lovely Biryani”.

“So you liked it huh” Eddie tried to pester God now. “You can think of getting more Indians into heaven now. What say?”

“You greedy creature. Finish off fast. I will have a hectic next week. Exams have just begun and some pro active kids have already begun praying”

 

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Comments on this article
STANY IVY MATHIAS, KINNIGOLY / SADUI-DAMMAMTuesday, March 27, 2012
Dear very nice article - i enjoyed while reading.
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Elwira, Mangalore / KuwaitSunday, March 25, 2012
very well written Anil.. humorous with a touch of reality.. loved reading...
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prashantha, mangaloreSaturday, March 24, 2012
Nice article
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Verina Pinto, MangaloreMonday, March 19, 2012
Very nice article Anil. The humor is directed in the right way to deliver a message to us. I take the message from this article, must say you have a special talent to deliver your thoughts in a humorous way. Good going, waiting for more articles.
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Yashwanth, MangaloreMonday, March 19, 2012
“Look Son. I made one earth and put creatures just like me to dwell in it. I gave them everything-food, shelter, thinking ability, speaking ability everything. They have now begun to think like they know everything. ”- If "god" has made us in its image, we have returned it the favor by being what we are.
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Bernard Ashok Goveius, MangaloreMonday, March 19, 2012
Good article with nice message. However, same message could have delivered without naming our Holy Places as restaurant “Gethsemane”. Divinity is implied in those historical places. Comedy is good but not at the cost of who are dead and gone…either of the way, Mother Theresa who is not a symbol of joke. Other religion would not have tolerated such amount of mockery of their holy places, their gods or their messengers. Respecting God, respecting its holy places, respecting once own religion, respecting elders should be taught at the tender age lest during this IT generation such amount of irrational mockery, jokes, naive comedy would be disgraceful to once own community.
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Rosario , mangaloreMonday, March 19, 2012
Mr.Anil very good article. though u've put it in a very humorous way but still lot to reflect on it. i would say wow bcz many times we are ignorant of somethings so this article helped me to enrich my spirtiual life. may god bless you .
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philomin rodrigues, manglore dubaiMonday, March 19, 2012
hey i liked it very much n i felt it some of the sentencess belongs to me allso.n its true very true that v ask god tooo much that he feels very sad that i am giveing to u but u r not happy at all.n i know that sometime i feel very sad that i am not getting that wt i want.but i still belive in him n ask him ples give me.then i pray 4 others.truely u r right.v must pray 4 others n then i will get wt i want.thank u 4 reminding me n i liked it very much.god bless u.
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geoffrey, hat hillMonday, March 19, 2012
A divine comedy?(with no apologies to Dante)
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praveen l oliveira, kemmannu/kuwaitSunday, March 18, 2012
I enjoyed this one. good
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Antony Cony D' Souza, Karkala / QatarSunday, March 18, 2012
Notions are pretty good.
About the Characters of this article, I would suggest writer to come out with another article how he would perceive if doctor says, 'you have last five days to survive' . Perhaps, that could be the greatest article on this earth about God that one can imagine about actual soul trenching, wrenching, crunching and munching death curry.. a situation to prevent pocking unwanted cheap fun of the Characters including Mother Theresa just to maintain good standard of writing.
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Jenifer Pinto-Suares, DubaiSunday, March 18, 2012
Nice article.
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