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Wounds From The Womb...
by Oliver Sutari

Oct 27, 2011

"Wonderful are thy works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth." Psalm 139:15

Following a motivational talk, a teenaged girl approached me with something that was troubling her for years.  She said she always felt unloved by her mother.  She emphasized that no matter how good her mother was with her, she felt a nagging emptiness in her heart. 

With nothing much to go on,   I told the girl that I would ask the Principal to call her mother. The following week the mother came to see me.  I asked the mother if she was aware what her daughter was going through. She told me that her daughter had expressed it to her a number of times and no amount of convincing seemed to help.  Knowing that they were open with each other was a huge plus as this would eventually help me suture invisible wounds.

Treading carefully I asked about her mental and emotional condition when she was pregnant with this daughter in question, reminding her that a lot depended on the answer.  She admitted with tears that right up to the time her daughter was born; she felt that she was not prepared for another child.  Worse, she said, terminating the pregnancy invaded her mind time and again.  She explained that her relationship with her mother-in-law had gone dreadfully wrong; and that she was already finding it hard to cope with the one child she had.  She also conceded that the only reason she did not terminate the pregnancy was because of her steadfast faithfulness to God.

I asked her if she would be willing to bare the truth to her daughter and seek reconciliation through the spirit of forgiveness.  She said she wanted her daughter whole, and that nothing less would do.  I helped her with the use of words, and once she had revealed the truth to her daughter, the result was miraculous. It was touching to see the hugging mother-daughter duo crying words of ‘sorry’ and ‘I love you’ repeatedly.   The wounds had healed in both of them. 

This was about three years ago.  Recently, on my regular walk in a nearby park, a girl came running towards me.  I thought she was just excited at seeing my pet golden retriever, who is a darling of so many people in Manipal.  With a mile-long smile, she asked me if I recognized her.  She was the same girl.  She told me she wanted to thank me for bringing love into her life.  She said it had changed her life completely. 

I will share another case with my readers and this is of an 8th Standard boy, who simply hated girls, and would not hesitate to hurt them at the slightest of provocation. He was particularly indifferent when female teachers gave him any advice.  He never felt remorse when he hit someone and, in fact, boasted that “I am happy the way I am.”  He could not explain why he felt so much rage.  I asked him if he realized that some day he could land in jail.  He said that he did not care. 

There is one thing he said that I found very interesting.  He would repeatedly insist on seeing his mother. (She works overseas and his father looks after him.)  With the father reluctant to open up, the case was all but closed as ‘unsolved’. 

A few days later he got into trouble again and this time the father came rushing to see me.  Some questions I had asked earlier were haunting him.  I had specifically asked him, and now I asked him again, about his relationship with his wife at the time when she was pregnant.  This is what he had to say: his wife did not want a child because their relationship was going bitter by the day.  She wanted to terminate the pregnancy, but he would not allow it.  What was happening is that as they selfishly quarrelled all through the prenatal stage, an innocent, unwanted and wounded child was being shaped in a turbulent womb.

I later spoke to the mother over the phone.  On my instructions, the boy’s mother has been talking to the boy regularly, and in the last five to six months he has not been into any kind of trouble.  If I ask him if he still wants to see his mother, he never fails to say ‘yes’ with a shy, innocent, smile.  I am confident of another emotional healing once his mother comes on her holidays.

Babies carrying wounds from the womb are growing in number.  While the circumstances surrounding the above cases are unusual, what is now common is working mothers contemplating abortions because they believe their pregnancies are ill-timed.  They also have ‘friends’ who inject negative suggestions.  One such suggestion is: “How will you manage office, home and child?  Believe me, it is not easy. Don’t you throw your career away!  You can always have a baby another time.”  Rather than follow those who suffer from spiritual  blindness, these words from the Holy Bible act like a lamp in those moments of darkness:  “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

If any woman thinks that pregnancy is a result of a biological act and nothing else, then she knows only half the truth.  The mournful cries of a childless couple can help reveal the full truth.  A child is a gift from God.  

"For Thou form my inward parts: Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13-14

From time to time we hear of horrendous crimes committed by school-going kids.  In one such instance in England, three boys killed their classmate and left his body on a railway track.  What is shocking is that these kids felt little or no remorse for their action. 

The culture of death appears to be taking root in the wombs. 

There are expectant mothers who contemplate abortion, but are aware that it is a sin.  They reluctantly accept the pregnancy; not knowing that the regret they feel is tangible to make the child within them feel unloved and unwanted.

Nothing makes me angrier than to hear imprudent parents tell me - right in front of their child - how useless their child is.  How casually we kill our children!  Somewhere deep inside the recesses of the parent’s conscience is repressed guilt that manifests itself as helplessness in coping with a child that never felt loved in the first instance.  Deep scars can neither be healed by pampering, nor with aggression and abuse. Unless reconciliation takes place, the parent and the child will look hopeless to each other.

There is a beeline of troubled children at psychotherapy clinics.  Most parents worry that their wards may be suffering from psychiatric problems when their child looks withdrawn over a period of time.  Resorting to medications to alter a child’s behaviour - so that it can be brought to what we consider ‘normal’ - is not a very healthy option.  Like the many shortcuts that rule our lives, this is another one.

If a child can bleed psychologically in the dark silence of the womb and beyond, a child can also suffer physiologically.  New-born babies of drug addicts, alcoholic, or smoking mothers are known to suffer extreme withdrawal symptoms.  The infant’s cries can torment the toughest of nurses in maternity wards. 

In Hindu mythology we have the story of Abhimanyu who listens to his mother while he is nestled in her womb. 

In the Holy Bible we have the story of Mother Mary visiting her cousin Elizabeth a visit.  This she does on hearing that Elizabeth is pregnant.  The Holy Bible says that the child in Elizabeth’s womb leaps for joy.  This is what Elizabeth exclaims, “For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy." - Luke 1:44. 

When ultrasound first confirmed how a baby in the womb responds to music, it was termed as extraordinary.  Now, this news remains exciting only to the mother.  For others, it is common knowledge and not such a big deal.  Science is only confirming what was revealed centuries ago in the Holy Scriptures.  Today there are prenatal centres that teach women how to ensure the wellbeing of the child within – like you have one commercial claiming that consuming Horlicks can make your child grow an additional few inches; and another claiming that eating Kellogg’s cornflakes can turn your child into a genius.   There you go; it is as if mothers have no natural role to play anymore!

If anything comes between us and God, it is over-reliance on our intellectual capacities.  Reason and faith need not be at loggerheads with each other – they can go hand in hand.  In this equation of reason and faith, pride has no place.  Expectant mothers need to understand that their mental – and not just physical - state, determines the overall wellbeing of the child within.  It is not just about ‘the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world’; an equally important cradle will always remain the womb of a mother.

Sadly, motherhood does not receive the kind of respect and honour it deserves.  There was a time when a mother’s role received a lot of importance.  The present mother is left to fend for herself as she juggles between multiple roles that she must fulfill expertly.  A working mother receiving a lot of love and care from her husband is truly a fortunate woman.

Here is something I picked from a prenatal expert.  Even from the beginning of the baby's life, it is accustomed to listening to the heartbeat of the mother and her voice.  It is rocked about as she walks. The child takes comfort in the heartbeat of the mother. During the time of pregnancy, the mother is the custodian of the physical as well as the spiritual components of the preborn child in her womb.  A mother's thoughts also play a vital role in a child's character, nature and disposition. The child is lucky if the thoughts and feelings of the mother are positive. Positive thoughts of the mother unravel themselves as intelligence, talent, confidence and adjustability in the child later. Negative thoughts in turn have negative effects.  Motherhood is not just a happening. It is in fact a pleasant journey; a journey from the womb that stretches over.

We can derive a lot of strength from knowing that “God did not give us the spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

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Comments on this article
Rebecca Saldanha, MumbaiWednesday, January 08, 2014
A beautiful article
Comment on this message     

Pallavi, manipalMonday, November 14, 2011
A beautiful article, very touching and highly relevant in todays materialistic world where our children, who should be our first priority often come last in our emotional equation. It ia very true that even parents who have been nothing but supportive and positive after birth may have had second thoughts or concerns during the prenatal period. Therefore the importance of thinking only positive thoughts and pleasant expectations throughout pregnancy cannot be emphasised enough.... thank you for a gem of an article.
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Derrick, Mlore/BloreWednesday, November 02, 2011
Thanks for the article. I just heard about this during the marriage preparation course. I feel more of this has to be taught to young couples and mothers who plan to conceive a child.
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Veena Rosario, ManagaloreTuesday, November 01, 2011
A very inspiring article. Thank you so much.
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Nita Pinto, Mangalore/AucklandMonday, October 31, 2011
Beautiful article. A real eye opener! How important it is to love, cherish and nurture our children right from the time of conception or even before they are formed in the mother's womb. Thanks and look forward to reading more of your articles.
Nita
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Gayathri , Mangalore, SharjahMonday, October 31, 2011
This article will remain close to my heart for ever. Thank you very much Sir.
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Ranjith, MSaturday, October 29, 2011
A Beautiful article.
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Jovit, Janthra/DubaiSaturday, October 29, 2011
just one word - WOW!!! and again.... WOW!!!!
Comment on this message     

christine, mangaloreFriday, October 28, 2011
very good articlel with touching examples, hope this article helps many congrats
christine
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Joseph F. Gonsalves, Bannur, Puttur / MangaloreFriday, October 28, 2011
A truthfully and wonderfully experienced and a desired article for the aspiring modern couples/mothers.
I quote one sentence: They also have ‘friends’ who inject negative suggestions. Unquote.
Friends are giving more troubles once married. We should not have friendship with people we should have fellowship. Our friendship should be with Jesus Christ. Make friendship with Jesus Christ the son of the living God. He called us friends: John 15:15
but I have called you friends
For the disturbed families and children counseling works wonderfully
God bless you dear Mr. Oliver Sutari.
Comment on this message     

A. S. Mathew, U.S.A.Friday, October 28, 2011
Very touching and deeply relevant
article exposing certain cardinal
facts of real life. For many
parents, children are a great burden and an unwanted object. Those rejected children are emotionally
tormented starting from the mother's womb. These rejected
offsprings are going to create greater pains for themselves as well to the family and society.
Comment on this message     

Charles Menezes, Mangalore/ChennaiFriday, October 28, 2011
Working with the YCS/YSM for teenagers I have come across these situations many a times. It gives a great satisfaction working with the teenagers and making them realize their life situation. Those interested to go through these experiences kindly take up as animators in YCS/YSM in the schools and society and you will have a great job and life experience.Our teenagers need animators and pro-society role models to follow. YCS/YSM has a beautiful methodology to deal with such situations. Take up the challenge to befriend teenagers in your vicinity and you will enjoy life keeping your spirits young with the young friends.You can be one more Oliver, a friend of youngsters? Kudos to Oliver for sharing this story. Keep up the good work.
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Jacintha Noronha, mumbaiFriday, October 28, 2011
Very informative artice. Please keep writing
Comment on this message     

Irene DSouza, MangaloreFriday, October 28, 2011
Mr.Oliver,
Very good article, very informative to those who do not understand the value of a child/human being. Today due so many reasons couples go for abortion and governments also enabling it to control population. But if we put God FIRST in our lives, the Creator and Master, all else will go right. I hope the doctors (OB/GYN) read this article and understand the consequences of their advise to women who carry the baby in their womb.
Irene.
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Edmond Fernandes, MangaloreThursday, October 27, 2011
Great article. Oliver has been a prolific writer throughout. all d best
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Donald Roche, Mangalore/BangaloreThursday, October 27, 2011
Humans suffer from 'wounds from the womb'. His sufferings continue from 'Womb to Tomb'. So we need such articles, we need counseller like Oliver Sutari throughout our life. If not we should learn to become good counseller ourself. Human Psychology is very difficult subject to understand. If you advise in such Psychological condition,people get angry and they mock at you. Dear Oliver I hope througfh your good work let thousands if not millions may get benifit. Keep up the good work. Thank you.
Comment on this message     

Simon Rodrigues., Shirva,udipi.Thursday, October 27, 2011
A well written,thought provoking article and a very good title.May the Holy Spirit be always with you and enlighten you,to write more such articles.Keep up the good work of transforming the society.May GOD bless you.
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mervin pereira., valencia,mangalore.londonThursday, October 27, 2011
A very nice article,mr.oliver,may god bless u,n keep up the good work.thanq.
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Oliver Sutari, ManipalThursday, October 27, 2011
Yes, I do help married couples. In case you need to get in touch with me, my email id is: oliversutari@gmail.com
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Aurel Dsilva, Kallianpur/DubaiThursday, October 27, 2011
Very nice Article, Keep up the good work, thanks a million for sharing this information
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Deborah Fernandez, Mangalore/AntiguaThursday, October 27, 2011
A wonderfully written article. I always look forward to your articles. This piece has such profound implications for everyone who reads and is open to accepting it. Keep writing!
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john vas prabhu, MangaloreThursday, October 27, 2011
Well construed and highly informative. I must appreciate the author for dwelling in most sensitive and touching subject. Everyone should make note of it and educate others who are not aware of these facts. Well done Oliver.
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James, mangaloreThursday, October 27, 2011
A very true and nice article.. I have seen people behaving like this.. the only sollution for this problem is both should speak with each other regularly..
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Joyce, Moodbidri/KuwaitThursday, October 27, 2011
Very informative, spiritual and an eye opener, learnt a lot from this, keep writing more Sir!!
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Nametha, Mangalore Thursday, October 27, 2011
Praise God ! For God has used you to share His word with us. May God continue to use you for His glory. How can we contact you personally? Do you councel married couples?
Comment on this message     

Lavita, Mangalore/FujairahThursday, October 27, 2011
A very well written article . Thank you Mr.Oliver .
Comment on this message     

Deena, DohaThursday, October 27, 2011
A very informative article, wonderfully written with touching examples. Though the modern generation claims to be well educated than the older one, many could still be ignorant on these important facts of life. I hope your article reaches as much the younger generation, and the young couples as possible. May God bless you to write more such informative articles.
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John Vas, Kulshekar/DubaiWednesday, October 26, 2011
Very good article indeed. Many times our problem starts from the womb. There is no doubt if we read everday Bible and meditate on gods word, we will come to our failures in daily life. KEEP ON WRITING IN THE HOLY SPIRIT. GOD BLESS YOU.
Comment on this message     

Eugene DSouza, MoodubelleWednesday, October 26, 2011
A very good and informative article by Oliver Sutari.
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