May 26, 2017

Being the only child I was the apple of my parents' eyes. Everything they did revolve around me and my happiness. Being a daughter, as the rule goes, I was always a daddy’s girl. Though I loved both of them equally yet somewhere dad always had a special place. Like in all the houses dad was the softer one and mom the tougher one. Mom's scolding would not affect me so much but one stare from dad was enough to make me cry. I lived a beautiful childhood with lot of care and support from my parents.

If this was one side of the story the other part was the relationship which my parents shared. They were and still are the couple I look up to as my role model. Dad always helped Mom even before her asking since she also works. He made a point to make all things easy for her so that she needn’t had to struggle for anything. My mom on the other hand till date manages the work and house perfectly never complaining.

Our relatives and friends always envied my Mom and often called her fragile because she did not know how to manage the worldly affairs, her world sort of revolved around her work and family. They used to always talk about her dependency on dad and what she would do without him. Though I never felt she was weak but very often I wondered how she would manage if any situation would occur and my dad wouldn’t be around to help her.

After almost two-and-a-half years of my marriage I conceived and this was a great joy to my parents, they had cherished this dream from long and were all happy and waiting for the arrival of their little grandchild. All went on smoothly; my mom had begun her preparations collecting little clothes for baby, arranging for a caretaker etc.

When everything looked smooth and bright that’s when on a fateful morning I began experiencing severe stomach pain and back ache. I was in unbearable pain and trauma and I was rushed to the hospital and made to lie there still. Everything was normal - I had completed 3 months 20 days, I had built dreams and had painted my life hoping for the arrival of the little one.

I remember lying in the bed and screaming out of pain and I could see just one face all the time next to me holding my hands and that was my mother. She stood there as I cried and screamed in pain and despair, she stood there when I began bleeding, she stood there when the doctors failed to detect baby’s heart beat and she stood there when doctor told me my baby was dead and it had to be pulled out. She stood there strong without showing her grief. When I blamed myself and wondered why, she held me tight and told me that it was okay and its God’s plan and everything would be fine.

I knew it was not fine for her, I knew how much she wanted to hold my little one in her hands. Yet she did not let a tear drop from her eyes just to assure that I wouldn’t feel bad. I knew my husband and my dad standing outside were crying. They couldn’t come inside and look into my eyes, they had lost their strength and were sitting quiet. But my mom whom the entire world termed as weak and fragile stood with me continuously. I struggled for 5 hours to put my baby outside and she stood by her daughter those 5 hours supporting her. Even after I was discharged and bought home never did she cry, never did she blame the doctor nor the almighty, she just took care of me and again managed her work, my house and saw that I was safe and secure.

This incident was an eye opener for me, though I had lost my child the mother in me was crying but the daughter in me recognized the value of my mother. I realized her strength, patience and her immense ability. She was going through a storm yet she remained calm and handled me, my dad and my husband. I am sure she would have gone out and wept loudly but she saw to that every time she faced me she was calm and showed no remorse. My dad and my husband had gone blank not knowing what to do. But the so-called weak woman stood beside me like a pillar and handled everything smoothly.

That day I acknowledged the strength and grit of my mom, she was a lady of substance. I always loved her but from that day my respect for her had taken a new dimension. She is the kind of woman I want to be. She is not the lady who roams around with branded phones and speaks fluent English. She does not attend parties and she is not a member of ladies club. But I realized she was a lady with class and dignity. She was a perfect mother and her love for her child was priceless. Even today when the entire world asks me again when I plan for a kid she never ever forces me and asks me to recover completely, not just physically but also emotionally, exhibiting the selfless attitude of her love.

It is said God does everything for the good of His people, even though losing my kid was devastating it taught me so many things. It made me stronger, it made me understand the worth of people around me and above all the real essence of being a mother.