Special

Domestic Violence Against Men- A Forgotten Crime

May 23, 2016

Ever Since our Concious Minds can remember we have across several instances of Domestic Abuse of Women reported by the media in Print, T.V., Websites etc.This violence as we mostly see is perpertrated by their Male relatives be it the father, brother, or in most of the cases the Husband. This brings out a plethora of reactions in us mostly those of disgust, anger and a need to punish the perperators. This sentiment was recognized by our lawmakers as early as 1983 when the draconian 498a was introduced in the IPC that awarded a maximum sentence of 3 years to the convicts and then further strenghened by the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act in 2006 which classified Domestic Violence (DV) as "physical abuse","sexual abuse", "verbal and emotional abuse" and "economic abuse" of any woman sharing a common household with a man. This Law provides specific relief to women in terms of right to a household, right to maintenance and preventing the alleged perperator from commiting further Domestic Abuse.

Do we ever think about a reverse scenario? i.e. "physical abuse","sexual abuse", "verbal and emotional abuse" and "economic abuse" of a Man by a Woman sharing a common household. Do we feel the same plethora of emotions when the genders are reversed?A majority of us never do and most of us break into a smug smile or witty sarcasm when this issue is raised. The Patriachal stereotype that is so embedded into our Indian societal mindset finds it impossible to believe that a Woman could abuse a man least of all physically abuse him. So then when recent incidents like a wife in Bangalore slashing her husbands fingers for checking her mobile phone or a wife in Reeva Madhya Pradesh that put fevikwik in her husbands eyes for coming home late or the wife in Mumbai that poured hot oil on the husband killing him when he asked her to stop meeting her lover are reported, it begs the question can men also be victims of Domestic Abuse and should they then also be protected by a specifically enacted law? Most men in the absence of these laws loose all hope and choose to suicide to escape the unending abuse and violence at the hands of their female partners. The NCRB Statistics which show that more than twice the number of married men commit suicide as compared to married woman in India drives home the gravity of the situation.

Indian Men's Rights Activists's have made repeated demands that the Domestic Violence act be made gender neutral to cover abuse against male victims but these concerns are repeatedly dismissed by Womans Rights Organizations who make absurd arguements such as " Majority of victims are Woman" or that " Physically Men are Stronger than Women" . These views are quite contrary the findings of several studies which were made as early as 1984 which say that men are often reluctant to report victimization as it concerns socio-cultural stereotypes of masculinity; male victims of Domestic Violence often hide their suffering due to fear of being judged negatively by others, and/or having their masculinity questioned and that violent women tend to use objects during DV at a higher rate than violent men.Studies have also shown that women who assault their male partners are more likely to avoid arrest than men who attack their female partners, and that female perpetrators of DV are often viewed by police,the courts and the media as victims rather than offenders. As such, men fear that if they do report to the police, they will be assumed to be the aggressor, and penalized instead.

The 1985 U.S. National Family Violence Survey, carried out by Murray A. Straus and Richard J. Gelles on a nationally representative sample of 6,002 couples, found that when a woman called the police to report DV, the man was ordered out of the house in 41.4% of cases. However, when a man called, the woman was ordered out of the house in 0% of cases. When a woman called, the man was threatened with immediate arrest in 28.2% of cases; when a man called, the woman was threatened with arrest in 0% of cases. When a woman called, the man was arrested in 15.2% of cases; when a man called, the woman was arrested in 0% of cases. In fact, in 12.1% of cases when the man called, the man himself was arrested. This scenario is not far from what happens at the Police Stations in India in the present times.

The theory that women perpetrate DV at roughly the same rate as men has been termed "gender symmetry." The earliest empirical evidence of gender symmetry was presented in the 1975 U.S. National Family Violence Survey carried out by Murray A. Straus and Richard J. Gelles on a nationally representative sample of 2,146 "intact families." The survey found 11.6% of men and 12% of women had experienced some kind of DV in the last twelve months, while 4.6% of men and 3.8% of women had experienced "severe" DV.These unexpected results led Suzanne K. Steinmetz to coin the controversial term "Battered Husband Syndrome" in 1977.An especially controversial aspect of the gender symmetry debate is the notion of bidirectional or reciprocal DV (i.e. when both parties commit violent acts against one another). Findings regarding bidirectional violence are particularly controversial because, if accepted, they can serve to undermine one of the most commonly cited reasons for female perpetrated DV; self-defense against an aggressive male partner. Despite this, many studies have found evidence of high levels of bidirectionality in cases where women have reported DV. For example, social activist Erin Pizzey, who established the first women's shelter in the U.K. in 1971, found that 62 of the first 100 women admitted to the centre were "violence-prone," and just as violent as the men they were leaving.The 1975 National Family Violence Survey found that 27.7% of DV cases were perpetrated by men alone, 22.7% by women alone and 49.5% were bidirectional. In order to counteract claims that the reporting data was skewed, female-only surveys were conducted, asking females to self-report, resulting in almost identical data.The 1985 National Family Violence Survey found 25.9% of DV cases perpetrated by men alone, 25.5% by women alone, and 48.6% were bidirectional.

All the above studies were conducted in countries such as the U.S. and the U.K. which have recognized that Domestic Violence against Men is a real and grave public issue and have taken steps such as establishing Gender Neutral Domestic Violence laws, conducting sensitivity training programs for Police officers in cases of reported Domestic Violence and setting up Men shelters for male victims of DV. Which brings us back to the situation in our own country, not only is DV against men in India not recognized but men are instantly penalized on a complaint of Domestic Abuse without there being an Iota of evidence of DV. These penalties include being forced out of their own houses and having to pay maintenance to the complainant/victim. Ironically this in itself is a form of aggravated Domestic Abuse.

It is about time that Indian Society breaks out of the Patriarchal Stereotype and recognizes that men can be and are infact victims of Domestic Violence . Victims who need a specific law to protect their physical and mental well-being. This can be achieved only by making the current Domestic Violence Act Gender Neutral and setting up of Men's shelters and counseling booths. Concerned Citizens should raise this issue with the MLA/MP of their local constituencies so that our lawmakers are made aware of and fix this grave issue that plagues our society lest we lose more and more Indian men to the Forgotten Crime- Domestic Violence Against Men.

by Johan Sequeira

Comment on this article

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Wed, Jun 29 2016

    dear wilson mangalore, pls contact me on your subject & we will see how best we can do to resolve your problems before landing up on huge amount, stress, cruelty, disturbances etc. thanks daijiworld for giving space for open debate. cell. 09823560910

    Agree

  • SUNNY DSOUZA, Mangalore

    Mon, May 30 2016

    It is very difficult for guys to fight the case due to one sided law and even if they have to fight they will loose everything their job, health and run from pillar to pillar and even then there is no guarantee he will get justice. As now days marriage has become a joke for some and easy money for girls and their family to destroy the boy family. As all want easy money without working same like that girl from Managalore as john Dsouza and Alban pereira have mentioned as they say one story in front of police and one story outside just want to spoil the guys name and future and spoiling one more guys life by marrying again in Kuwait.I pity that boy who married again without doing a through background check

    Agree [3]

  • Valerian Furtado, Canada

    Mon, May 30 2016

    Going to the priests for counsellings is an outdated way of counsellings.Counseling is a highly specialized job, I doubt any good councilors are over there. We need councilors who can understand and objective of both parties . May be in Roshni Nilaya, just guessing.this case, I would suggest to make connection outside the family and have some friends who can understand but not instigate unnecessarily.you need to understand yourself first and not to give in for depression.

    Agree [3]

  • Wilfy, Mangalore/UAE

    Mon, May 30 2016

    @Joseph F. Gonsalves, Bannur, Puttur / Mangalore, No Christian person councilor will be helpful in this case unless the other party comes for discussion. I know a situation where the boy ran from pillar to the post met a dozen of priests and even to the Bishop. But the outcome was none of them could convince her and bring her for discussion. Finally they were like we don't have police force with us to make them obey. Girl's family has a opinion like no priests/Councillors can do anything in it. They say so because they know only by law they can get their wicked things done by abusing the law. No good priests/ counselors will try to break a family but to unite. But in this case they too told him to apply for annulment. But the boy says for us Christians it's not only a marriage but a sacrament and wants her to repent and come back. Finally without option he went to the court and found the law is biased. A false case has taken his job and the happiness from his family and he has to struggle to prove the truth where as a false complaint by a female is taken into more consideration.

    Agree [4]

  • Joseph F. Gonsalves, Bannur, Puttur / Mangalore

    Mon, May 30 2016

    Dear Wilson , Mangalore,

    Of course, the core of the subject for dissent in the family is money and misunderstanding.

    I have suggested a counselling for your case and in my opinion it is the best.

    Police and Lawyer are waiting for such cases to squeeze you as much. They may give you victory but yours and your family morals is sold and in the streets.

    TRUST IN JESUS AND WALK RIGHTEOUSLY, TRUTHFULLY WITHOUT HARMING OTHERS.

    PRAYERS WORKS WONDERFULLY. TRUST IN JESUS.

    YOU HAVE TO TRUST HIM RELENTLESSLY IN HAPPINESS, IN PAIN AND IN SORROWS AND IN SUFFERINGS ALSO.

    HE CHOOSES HIS OWN TIME TO RELIVE YOU NOT AT YOUR ENFORCED TIME. HE KNOWS WHEN TO GIVE, HOW TO GIVE AND WHERE TO GIVE. PATIENCE IS ALSO REQUIRED.

    THE CHURCH RESPECTED PERSON ALSO CAN CONVINCE THEM.

    I DO REMEMBER YOU IN MY PRAYERS.
    MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

    Agree [1]

  • Santan Mascarenhas, Kinnigoli/Mumbai

    Mon, May 30 2016

    Mother: Arre Johny, why are you running out in this heavy rain ?
    Johny: Mummy, I have left my bicycle outside our compound and I am going to bring it.
    Mother: Don't go. In this heavy rain, I will not allow even my dog to go out. I will tell him (husband), he is just reading the paper and doing nothing.

    Agree [9]

  • Wilson , Mangalore

    Mon, May 30 2016

    Dear Mr Joseph,
    Thank you for your suggestion.

    Now the situation is such that only money is the matter. I am planning to see a lawyer. Pls suggest if you know any good lawyer in Mangalore

    Agree [1]

  • Wilfy, Mangalore/UAE

    Mon, May 30 2016

    Dear Joseph F. Gonsalves, Bannur, Puttur / Mangalore, No use by any Christian counselor / priests etc. I went to a dozen of priests, had even gone to Bishop twice. But the collective reply was, we don't have police with us to bring her to the table for discussion, If she does not want to join you can apply for annulment. Then i moved to the court without any option. Some one should counsel them what we had is a sacrament and not only a marriage.
    Dear Wilson, contact me through Daijiworld.

    Agree [1]

  • Nishal, Mangalore

    Sun, May 29 2016

    Well Written, John. Article speaks in volumes.There is a need for balance in LAW, too much favoring of one gender can put the other in trouble.

    Wish you well sir.

    Agree [6]

  • Joseph F. Gonsalves, Bannur, Puttur / Mangalore

    Sun, May 29 2016

    Dear Wilson , Mangalore,

    You have to go to a Christian person councilor to solve your home matter. Counselling in such cases fetch more results.

    Plus some sacrifice of sod dhod / give and take from both is imperative.

    THIS IS MY SUGGESTION.

    Agree [1]

  • Wilson , Mangalore

    Sun, May 29 2016

    Dear Lydia madam,

    Appreciate your true comment. I am badly disturbed because till now whatever I have provided by the hard work of me and I have no any regret for that. Now only pain is being inside the house trying to put more pressure on me and in case anything goes wrong they can collectively put the blame on me.

    Agree [1]

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Sun, May 29 2016

    Wilson,

    Remember, do not send money more than that is required for expenses and be sure to keep your savings in your account. Hope you have registered the house in your name. This is save from becoming a beggar tomorrow.

    Agree [6]

  • Wilson , Mangalore

    Sun, May 29 2016

    In my case I have two children totally mislead by wife and they are one group and I am alone
    Whenever I call they all talk to very negatively they say only need money no need to call. I have built good house fully furnished by the hard work by me alone and occupied by these three. Now my wife putting pressure on me to not to talk to any family member of mine and should talk to her family only and to listen to her mother. Efforts are on to take everything from me and push me aside. I have not taken any dowry . Till now whatever I have done by my hard work. Pls anybody can suggest me what I have to do.

    Agree [3]

  • L, Bangalore

    Sat, May 28 2016

    Well described eye opening article. I would like to see this law implemented. There are incidents of wife family members abusing husband and his family members.

    Agree [2]

  • Wilfy, Mangalore/UAE

    Fri, May 27 2016

    Good Article, Well written. Congrats Johan for bringing out a forgotten crime of the current society. As one can see in the comments section, there are lot untold truths behind these verdicts but the law favors women and the truth remains silent.Women these days abuse the law to hush up their crimes specially in the family court matters. I have seen in a event, when the police called victim's father who was in his 70's collapsed at home by listening his son will be arrested as he comes to India at the immigration. It's a family matter but see the way police behaved because it's a girl's complaint. Are we fugitive or terrorist to get treated like this? Later it was cleared to the police personnel, and they stood by the victim and the girl and her family left their native place itself. But the greedy lawyers and bad family people around the girl try to break the family by abusing the system. The child is loosing the father's love in this saga and that itself is the biggest loss for the men as minor child of even prostitute women is given to the mother. What a pity. Our law system is full of such false cases and majority of the tax amount is wasted on such false cases which consumes valuable courts time. When the moral values are not taught in the childhood by the mother, the girl child is more likely to be such women. Unless DV is gender neutral such women won't learn a lesson.

    Agree [9]

  • Roshan Braganza, Mumbai

    Thu, May 26 2016

    Democrats and intellectuals should come together and support this gender neutrality debate . Recognizing male abuses perperated by women is a first step towards ensuring gender equality and diversity . There is urgend need of MENS RIGHTS COMISSION at centre with prosecution powers

    Agree [10]

  • Noel, Mangalore/Toronto

    Thu, May 26 2016

    Any principle of law should be based on a level playing field & therefore gender neutral.Initially the Act was created in reaction to media outcry on women being abused. It is time to re balance it.

    Agree [6]

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Wed, May 25 2016

    IN 125 CRORE POPULATION WE HAVE ONLY 36 COMMENTS...??? THAT MEANS NO PROBLEMS. GOOD SIGN. WE FOOLS WERE BREAKING LINE. KYA APAHEEZ SAMAJ HAI HAMARA....!!! ALL WE KNOW DOG TIED WITH CHAIN TO MAKE BOW....BOW...!!! I WISH EVERY ONE GOOD LIFE & GOOD HEALTH. THANKS DAIJIWORLD FOR YOUR OBSERVATION & MIND.

    Agree [5]

  • Vincent Rodrigues, Frazer Town,B'lore

    Wed, May 25 2016

    Equal punishment for men and women need to be stipulated for all the domestic violence against men and women without any gender bias.

    Agree [5]

  • Allan, Venecia

    Tue, May 24 2016

    Men and women must realise their respective roles, respect and compliment each other in their shared struggle to improve life and for a better living. Both men and women are to be treated same bcoz both are in general human beings.

    Agree [4]

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Tue, May 24 2016

    IT IS GOOD TO HAVE DISCCUSSIONS THAN THE ARGUMENTS. PLS COME WITH OFFERING SUGGESTIONS. THANKS.

    Agree [1]

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Tue, May 24 2016

    VERY GOOD DEBATE. NO MATTER MEN OR WOMEN. PLS COME UP WITH MORE SUGGESTIONS. THANK YOU. THANKS TO DAIJIWORLD FOR HIGHLIGHTING ISSUES.WE NEED TO TALK.

    Agree [1]

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Tue, May 24 2016

    I AM AGAINST BREAKING FAMILY LIFE. FAMILY LIFE IS VERY GOOD IF BOTH GO WITH ALL UNDERSTANDING. THERE ARE SEVERAL THINGS WE MUST IGNORE & GO ON. MONEY SPOILES EVERY THING. BEING A MIDDLE CLASS MAN I HAVE EDUCATED/GRADUATED MY ONLY ONE DAUGHTER IN USA IN BEST UNIVERSITY. WHEN I SECURED FAMILY ...RESIGNED MY JOB & CAME DOWN THEY WENT AWAY USING ME LIVING ME ALONE.IF GREED ENTER BETWEEN, THERE WILL BE DARK NIGHT ALWAYS. IT IS ALL ABOUT RESPECT, LOVE, CARE ETC. I REMEMBER IN MY CHILD HOOD I HAVE SEEN MY BEAUTIFUL GRAND MOTHER USED TO FOLD MY DRAND FATHER LONG SLEEVED SHIRT & KEEP UNDERNEETH THE PILLOW SO THAT MY GRAND FATHER WEAR IT WHILE GOING TO SUNDAY MASS JUST LIKE IRONED SHIRT. THOSE DAYS THERE WERE NO ELECTRICITY & IRON. I REALLY FEEL PROUD THAT MY GRAND MOTHER WAS GOLDEN LADY GOING WELL... ADJUSTMENT...TOLERANCE WITH ALL JOINT FAMILY MEMBERS & HAPPY FAMILY. WHAT A DEDICATION. NO GREED...NO SELFISH MOTIVATION...& TODAYS WORLD THINKING ALL THAT GOOD QUALITY TIME....I FEEL SORRY FOR PRESENT JANERATION. THEY EVEN DONT KNOW THE MEANING OF WHAT IS FAMILY & FRIENDS. JUST THEY LIVE WITHIN THEM. THEY DONT WANT ANY RELATIVES, THEY DONT WANT ANY FAMILY MEMBERS ETC. I HAVE SEEN...AT TIME I WAS SMALL WE USED TO HAVE MORE THAN ARROUND 30 PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE ON HOLIDAYS FROM DIFFERENT PART BUT WE NEVER BOARED TO TREAT THEM, APART WE WERE VERY HAPPY TO HAVE THEM WITH US. TODAY EITHER THEY ACCEPT OR NOT ....WE REALLY WORKED FOR UNITING FAMILY TO REMAIN TOGETHER. HAPPY DAYS....LUCKY DAYS.

    Agree [9]

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Tue, May 24 2016

    Mangalurean,

    I am not shocked at her five years into marriage and the developments later-on, I am shocked at him asking her to go for a 'virginity test' ! Being a scientist he should have known that virginity is just a tissue which can be built up again through surgery. Brave of her to agree for it because backing off would prove that she lost it but what is shocking is that she went on and married the pervert who suspected her purity.

    If it was me, I would have thrown the test result to his face and walked off ! Let him keep his high-position or status to himself !

    Agree [4]

  • Mangalurian, Mangaluru

    Tue, May 24 2016

    Lydia Lobo. Kadri, provides a link of a case where a woman, after 5 years of marriage, has decided to leave her husband.

    Lydia is "shocked reading what happened to this lady".

    According to the National Crime Records Bureau statistics, nearly 200,000 people, including 47,951 women, were arrested over dowry offences in 2012, but only 15% of the accused were convicted.

    What does it tell us:
    * After a few years of marriage, the woman is tired of the man, but not of his money
    * All that she needs to do is accuse the hubby of dowry harassment
    * And the woman and her lawyer, to break the husband's spirit a 100%, cook up a "shocking" story and provide it to the sensation-seeking newspapers
    * The gullible public and Lydia read the cooked up story and get thoroughly "shocked", and seek capital punishment for the man

    Despite the shock effect, the story is most likely a complete lie.

    Agree [9]

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Tue, May 24 2016

    I REQUEST ALL MUST COME FORWARD WITH THEIR VIEWS, SO THAT LOOKING AT THE NEED SOME ONE MAY START NGO ON SUCH PROJECT TO PROTECT, SUPPORT & HELP A VICTIM. COMMENTS PLS.(from our society...(?)....our people...(?)...some one must have started passing remarks already ...he is mad person. ANY DOUBT....? NOT POSSIBLE...??? our society...(?).....? 100% POSSIBLE....!!!

    Agree [4]

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Tue, May 24 2016

    Men or women, children or the grown ups, should not undergo any sort of humiliation, may it be sexual or domestic.

    I was shocked reading what happened to this lady here and why she had to endure all that with a man so much unworthy to be trusted. Besides, he is no an illiterate, he is a scientist :

    http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bengaluru/After-passing-virginity-test-wife-harassed-by-scientist-hubby/articleshow/52411196.cms

    Obviously there are similar instances where men suffered in the hands of their better half but enduring all in silence is wrong.

    We must teach our children to stand up against abuse/humiliation of all sorts and command dignity that is our right.

    Have a nice day you all readers out there.

    Agree [3]

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Tue, May 24 2016

    Our uncivilized society is forced to believe that a husband can never be harassed by his wife. People will not believe in truth to accept that a woman can harass a man. men feel embarrassed because of their social status, as to what the people would say if they come to know that they are being harassed by their wives. No need to feel small, apart from if you come front with your issue, definitely people will come in your help & support. Men are keeping quite & these females taking advantages, sincerity of man.
    IF POLICE MISCONDUCT & REFUSE TO ACCEPT YOUR COMPLAINT
    Write everything down. This is extremely important and must be done soonest possible after the incident. Describe everything in your language that happened from the very start of the police encounter to the end. Try to use exact words on you & police. Write the location, time of day, name, badge no etc. Remember as many details as possible. You may not find challenging witness in our disabled society but if at all available you do include witness’s names and contact information and the officers’ names, physical descriptions.Only include facts that you’re sure about. Be very careful & avoid making the falls story. These can easily damage your credibility and undermine your important work. Also complaint to be made to a senior police officer, concerned circle officer, addl. Sp or superintendent of police of the concerned district. They will get your complaint registered.Also consult with qualified advocate.

    Agree [7]

  • Valerian Furtado, Mulki/Canada

    Tue, May 24 2016

    Thanks for the article. A serious issue, yet very little discussion on this in India specially in rural places.

    There is very little support for men both in the family and in the society.Some egoistic men wont even admit to the problem till its too late. Apart from better laws, we also need to have more counselling and better guidance on how to handle these types issues both legally and emotionally.

    Agree [5]

  • Debojyoti Das, Bangalore

    Tue, May 24 2016

    Very relevant article. An eye opener to facts that are typically shoved under the carpet.
    There should be gender-neutral laws, not gender-biased ones in the name of gender-equality.
    Great article Mr. Sequira

    Agree [7]

  • Shashikantby , Singapore

    Tue, May 24 2016

    Hi Johan. Good write up on men's issues. Actually Crime against Men is not forgotten rather it never exist. It is biased law only favorable to women that only enjoyable and beneficial to a Wife only. Law makers should terms the world a 'person' instead 'wife' in all IPC and CrPC of DV acts.
    It's the such a crime happening behind doors that men are suiciding without telling or sharing there pain to others, thinking that it's a Shame to manhood to cry.
    Now new trend is started that This women-empowerment's Hands are extending to overseas to grab hold the NRI and Indian Origin personnel to extract Dollars.

    Agree [4]

  • Vincent, Dubai/ mangalore

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Well done sequeira.good article. Present gender based law producing more n more criminal women in present society...

    Agree [3]

  • Vivek (billi) dilligaf, Hyderabad

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Hey Jo (bullay) ..great write up...more than that it's quite a reality... Keep up the good work..i will post this in my fb status...

    Agree [2]

  • Rob Stan, Udupi / US

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Guys,
    Moral of the story!
    Do not invest much in anything that can be taken away. Invest in something that cannot be taken away.

    Agree [9]

  • Atanu, Kolkata

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Well written article Johan. Not only the husband, his innocent parents and other family members are also harassed. I would rather say it's an overlooked crime.

    Agree [8]

  • Alban Pereira, Belman Jantra

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Yes John this is true, which happened in my house in Belman Jantra with my son. The girl along with her family member gave false dowry and harassment complaint for money. She told in Gulf front of Priest she only want divorce and nothing. And that my son is 1947 model and she is 2011 model and she cannot adjust with him, But before marriage we decided to leave her twice front of our ward Gurkhar and we went to cancel the marriage ,But she told that she will commit suicide if the marriage does not take place, she married for money only and then spoiled my son future and I don't know how the guy are marrying this type of girl again who took somebody's money, And she came India telling lies from gulf that her mother has fell down from the step and she is serious which was all drama and we send her back to Mangalore by giving her ticket and she told back home that Priest gave her ticket and send. And in Police station she told that she have lost her virginity front of ACP,her mother and her uncle and demanded 15 Lakhs and 50 lakh dowry then outside she and her family are spreading that my son is not boy and he is gay. Her uncle was always phoning from Mumbai to my wife and saying when you will pay the money and then only she will sign the divorce paper and if you don't pay I can do anything. because of this one sided dowry law we could not fight this case and this is true now she is married for the second time and in Kuwait ,I don't know how that boy married

    Agree [14]

  • Johan lewis, Udupi , Karnataka

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Positive step towards change and breaking stereotypes. Johan Sequeira very well expressed.

    Agree [8]

  • JOHN DSOUZA, Mangalore

    Mon, May 23 2016

    I totally agree with Mr.Paul same thing happen to my friend who married a girl from Belman it was an arranged marriage and then she filed a false case of dowry harassment and told all lies to extract money and then they had to fo for out of court settlement after that guy paid a huge amount of money as compensation and she did not gave his gold also only when they received the amount they return now the girl is married again and i pity that boy who married here without doing a proper background check and now she is Kuwait married for second time after taking the guys money and spoiling his life and name. As Mr.Paul had rightly said POLICE WILL SUPPORT WOMEN SO THAT POLICE CAN MAKE A DEAL WITH BOTH SIDE TO EXTRACT MONEY. SOME ONE SAID POLICE LIKE DOG....THROW BONE LEFT, THEY TURN TO LEFT. THROW RIGHT THEY TURN TO RIGHT. Even if they know the truth.
    Why always Men have to pay even when the Woman are Educated and Earn more then the Guys in that case there is no Equality and in remaining all case they fight for equality.

    Agree [17]

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Dear Paul Baab...
    1.Has been 'hard pressed' and in the wrong places.heart..I think so ..sadly...
    2. I mean it is very evident from his writings.
    3. Not once ..but definitely more than once.
    4. It happens to the unlucky ones< I think. Once bitten always bitten as they say.
    5. Then such persons lose complete faith in 'woman hood' and laugh at women lib and all that...
    6. I can understand your feelings Paul baab but definitely your experiences must have been with woman/women outside D.K. right?
    Here women do not know how to bite...even if a finger...Is it not?

    Agree [2]

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Mon, May 23 2016

    IT IS ALL ABOUT POLITICKS. DEFINITELY I AM GOING TO WRITE LAW COMMISSION THAT TO INTRODUCE MEN PROTECTION TOO. THERE ARE SEVERAL WOMEN (MOSTLY DIVORCED) TAKING ADVANTAGES OF MEN MARRY JUST TO EXTRACT MONEY. HARASSMENT ...CRUELTY...MENTAL DISTURBANCES...
    POLICE COMPLAINTS....FALSE ALLEGATIONS....FORCIBLY ASKING HER TO BEAT,...SO THAT THEY CAN CREATE MEDICAL EVIDENCES ETC. IF HUSBAND IS SOUND IN FINANCE...POLICE WILL SUPPORT WOMEN SO THAT POLICE CAN MAKE A DEAL WITH BOTH SIDE TO EXTRACT MONEY. SOME ONE SAID POLICE LIKE DOG....THROW BONE LEFT, THEY TURN TO LEFT. THROW WRITE THEY TURN TO WRITE. WE MUST WORK ON INFORMING PEOPLE WHAT IS TODAY'S POLICE. WE MUST BRING AWARENESS IN PUBLIC...SAYING PART/DUTY OF POLICE TOWARDS CITIZEN.

    KINDLY NOTE: WHEN YOU PLAN TO SETTLE DOWN SECOND TIME ...SOME ONE MUST TAKE ENOUGH TIME TO KNOW, THEIR FAMILY BACK GROUND...WHO IS IN FRONT OF YOU JOINING YOU FOR LIFE. 
    ADVICE: NEVER MARRY WHO HAS CHILDREN. ONE WIFE & ONE CHILD FREE.....! SERIOUS THOUGHT FOR MEN. ALL THE BEST. PLS DONT MESS YOUR LIFE AGAIN FOR SOME ONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE. TIME IS VERY PRECIOUS & IT IS YOUR TIME & YOU ARE STUCKED FOR SOME ONE ELSE MISTAKE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE & WHOLLY I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS TRUE MESSAGE.

    Agree [12]

  • JR,

    Mon, May 23 2016

    ALL OUR LAWS FORMED FOR VOTE BANK BUT NOT FOR WELL BEING OF SOCIETY.
    OUR FEMALE COUNTER PARTS START BLACKMAILING THE VERY NEXT DAY SHE GETS MARRIED AND MEN BOUND BY LAW IF RESIST BOUND TO LOOSE EVERYTHING ALONG WITH NAME AND FAME WHAT HE HAS EARNED LIFELONG.
    THE SO CALLED ORGANISATIONS PUT FUEL ON FIRE WITHOUT VERIFYING THE BITTER TRUTH WITH THE INTENTION OF DIVIDING THE FAMILY INSTEAD OF TRYING TO UNITE SUCH INSTANCES.
    A THOROUGH STUDY ON BEHAVIOUR OF PAST WILL REVEAL WHO IS IN FAULT.
    MEDIA IS IN A HURRY TO ADD MASALA.
    WE ARE IN SUCH A DEMOCRACY WHERE POLITICS COMMANDS US THRU OUR OWN FAMILY MEMBERS IN ONE WAY OR THE OTHER WITHOUT OUR KNOWLEDGE AND WE
    KEEP QUIET FOR THE SAKE OF P(EA)CE

    Agree [10]

  • Jossey Saldanha, Mumbai

    Mon, May 23 2016

    No wonder Modi wants 'Subke Sath Subka Vikas' ..

    Agree [13]

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Come to think of it..Women must be
    physically strong to 'unleash' violence..Is it not?
    You may find such women in
    Goa...Who slice fish like 'Halwa'..
    Kerala:Who slice tender coconuts like 'Apple'
    Tamil Naad: Who cut 'Jack Fruits'like it were 'Idli' and all that...

    Here in D.K: Girls ,Women and all do not even know to 'bite',if a finger is kept in their mouth!...

    Chaabchakai Gothnaa...in Konkani they say...means 'does not know how to bite'....
    So? I think this article has limited or no reference to D.K women...
    Is it not?

    Agree [17]

  • Koni Prakash Naik, Kundapur, Muscat

    Mon, May 23 2016

    I fully agree with Mr. John Sequeira's thoughts. We are no more living in medieval times. Women have been fighting for equal rights as men for long and they have been getting also. While there is no problem giving them their rights, legal system also needs to think about giving equal punishment in all fairness for DV created by women.

    Out of every 10 men, I am sure at least 7-9 men are suffering from within due to domestic violence. But they don't express and things are not in open, so everybody pretends to be 'happy go lucky' type. In reality, things are different. If one asks a man his sincere thoughts about his life and living one would know the reality. I am sure every man wants to be protected, respected and loved by his wife and children. Gone were the old days when wives were emotionally attached to their husbands, despite all difficulties. Those days people were happy staying in a joint family. There was a sense of protection for everyone in the family. Now the moment a girl is married, in most of the cases, she will force the husband to stay separately. This is not a good sign, as we have seen the ill effects of this nuclear family.

    Hope our Lawmakers think deeply and promulgate a unified Law which is applicable to both men & women for DV.

    Agree [16]

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Mon, May 23 2016

    I do agree that a law totally favouring female gender is wrong, it needs to be balanced. However, by highlighting DV against the males, you make it sound like there is only violence in the world. DV may it be by male or by female, counts for approx 20% which certainly needs to be brought down by counselling, not by a counter law.

    Please consider the 80% of families living in harmony and cordial relationship, who bring up our tomorrow's generation. Children grown up in violent background grow up into frustrated adults and do the same domination over the weaker irrespective of gender.

    Society today has changed into couples equally earning income from earlier pattern when man worked for income while the woman cooked and cared for children/old parents. Under such changes, they both need to share the domestic responsibilities but this does not go into our male dominating society. Once this change is incorporated in the households, DV of both sorts will reduce.

    Agree [11]

  • Santan Mascarenhas, Kinnigoli/Mumbai

    Mon, May 23 2016

    The old woman, young woman is the comment to Mangalorean, Mangalore.

    Agree [11]

  • Santan Mascarenhas, Kinnigoli/Mumbai

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Your advice is, it is better to be an old woman's darling than a young woman's slave.

    Agree [21]

  • Joan, mangalore /mumbai

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Well written. Yes, reverse scenario does exist. But, men are not so forthcoming in coming forward or standing on roof tops and shouting. There are several NGOs which also fight for the rights of men.

    Agree [13]

  • arm, ksa

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Sab Ka Sath Sab Ka Vikas.

    Agree [9]

  • Santan Mascarenhas, Kinnigoli/Mumbai

    Mon, May 23 2016

    DV, there is no surprise, men and women are equal, everything 50-50.

    Fed up with 8 hours job and suffering physical abuse at wife's hand, a man prays to God to make him woman and his wife, a man. God agreed. Next morning, seeing himself as wife, started to do all household chores, children care, used choicest form of nagging and physical abuse. However, by one day, he did not like the role and prayed God to reverse the role.

    God in his wisdom, agreed, but told him to wait nine months for the change, since in the changed role, he had become pregnant.

    Agree [25]

  • SS, Bannaje

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Kamala, Vimala, Irena, Salma yake neevu heenge madutheere..
    Hinge Aadhare Henge...
    Nale Lokadalli...Purushuru Ghayab Aagi Beeduthare.
    Nimma Eelardu Eenu Hidden Agenda..

    Agree [9]

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Arre Peddu! Women are full of 'Soft Corner's'...The way you write it seems they are full of 'Penalty Corner's'!
    Such a beautiful picture that!
    Even with that broom it seems the damsel seems to be giving 'loving strokes'!!
    Whatever said and done... I for one just cannot envisage 'domestic violence'. Blame it on being too' romantic at heart'.....

    Agree [8]

  • Mangalurian, Mangaluru

    Mon, May 23 2016

    Men that marry a woman who is 40 years of age and above do not appear to face any kind of abuse from her. Such households are exceptionally peaceful.

    Perhaps a lesson fr all young people? Just wait until the girlfriend turns 40 before marrying her?

    Agree [13]

  • PEDDU, MANGALURU

    Mon, May 23 2016

    DV AGAINST MEN !! YES ITS TRUE !! TIME TO CHANGE THE LAW ! GENDER EQUALITY AND THERE IS NO SOFT CORNER FOR WOMEN AND RESERVATIONS

    Agree [27]

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Title : Domestic Violence Against Men- A Forgotten Crime


 
 
 
 

 
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